When You Close Your Eyes
by Chloe Masen
Summary: Edward and Bella had dreams, and a plan to chase them hand in hand. Side by side they thought they could do anything, but what would happen when Edward had to leave Bella behind and chase them alone? **Drabblish little love story.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM. I'm just playing with it again.**

**A/N: What can I say? The little bunny kept slapping me in the face with its floppy ears.**

**...**

**Chapter One**

**Bella**

"Come with me, Bella. Please come with me."

Don't do this... "I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Edward, please... I _can't_."

"You mean you won't."

"I mean I can't. You know this. Don't-"

"Then ask me to stay."

"No. I can't do that."

"Then _tell _me to stay."

"Edward... "

"I will, you know. For you."

"No you won't, because I won't let you."

"Why not? Why won't you let me, Bella?"

"You know why."

"Maybe I don't."

"You _do_. You have dreams, Edward. I won't let you give them up. Not for me."

"My dreams _are _you."

"But not _only _me."

"And _none_ without you. Don't make me be without you, Bella."

"You won't be. I'll be with you. I promise."

"I need to _see _you."

"You'll see me when you close your eyes. It's what I hope, anyway."

"I will. Of course I will... but it won't be enough."

"It won't be forever, Edward."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

**...**

**They're breaking my heart already... sniff sniff.**

** We'll try one a day for now and see how that goes. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM. This belongs to me.**

**A/N: Thanks for jumping in with us.**

**...**

**Chapter Two**

**Bella**

E: **Tell me to come back.**

B: **From the corner?**

E: **Yes.**

B: **No.**

E: **Then come to me.**

I stare down my street, _still _stare, Edward's car a black blur through my tears.

He's just sitting at the stop sign.

Goodbye was hard...

So hard...

But he left.

He let go.

But now he won't.

Won't keep going.

Why is he making this so much harder?

He knows I wanted to go.

That I wish I could...

And he knows why I can't.

Or let him stay.

E: **Please?**

B: **I can't come with you.**

E: **I know. But I need to see that you can come **_**to **_**me. That you will.**

I promised him I would.

As soon as I could.

Wherever he was.

Anywhere...

No matter how far.

Wherever his dreams took him.

I'd go.

E: **Please come to me, Bella.**

And I can't deny him now.

I won't.

He needs to see.

While his eyes are still open.

So I run...

And because I'm me...

I trip.

Fall.

And because he's him...

He comes running.

Leaves his car running at the corner as he runs to me.

Picks me up.

"Are you okay?"

"I would have gotten up and kept going."

"I know."

"Did you see?"

"Yeah, I saw. I saw you come running. And I saw you fall for me."

"Again."

"I liked it better the first time. When you fell for me."

"So did my knees."

"I love your knees."

"I love _you_."

"I love you too, Bella. So much."

"I promise I'll come, Edward."

"I believe you."

"Don't forget."

"Never."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM. The mountain of tissues? That belongs to me. And these sweethearts. They're mine too.**

**A/N: Early post today. Might not happen if I wait. You don't mind, do you?**

**...**

**Chapter Three**

**Bella**

"Are you busy?"

"Not too busy for you."

"How are your knees?"

"They're fine. Your kisses made them better."

"I wish they'd work on your dad."

"You'd kiss my dad?"

"If it made him better and you could be with me, YES."

"_That's_ love, Edward. I'm a very lucky girl."

"I left you alone. How are you lucky? I'm a terrible boyfriend. The worst."

"Don't ever say that. You're the best. And I'm proud of you."

"For leaving you?"

"For being strong enough to. And for believing in us... in _me_, enough to do it."

"Of course I believe in you. But I only did it because I didn't want you to be disappointed in me."

His voice cracks on his words and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to tell him to come back.

Not to beg him.

Not to say I was wrong.

That I made a mistake.

That I need him here.

That I need him...

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Are you crying?"

"N-no." _Shit!_

"I'm coming back."

"Edw-ward, n-no. I'm okay."

"No you're not. And neither am I. Because I'm doing the wrong thing... "

"No, baby. You're not... It's not wrong just because it hurts. We knew it wouldn't be easy."

"But B-Bella... it's so much h-harder than I imagined."

_Oh please no... His tears will break me... I have to get off of this phone..._

"Edward? Sweetheart? I love you so much... and I want to talk to you... more than anything... but I have to go. My dad is calling for me... " _Forgive me..._

"Ok-k-kay."

"I'm sorry." _So fucking sorry..._

"I'm sorry too, Bella."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

Silence...

"Edward?"

Pause...

Sniffle...

Throat clearing...

Breath...

"Yeah?"

"Please be careful. I'm worried about you driving." _And turning around..._

"I'll be okay. Go... your dad needs you."

_More than you? I'm not so sure... _"I love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

The line goes dead...

And I hit the floor.

And cry until the tears run dry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I own this.**

**A/N: I figured it was time for some EPOV. I doubt anyone minds. You might need tissues. But maybe that's just me again...**

**...**

**Chapter Four**

**Edward**

"Where are you?"

"Nowhere."

"Somewhere."

"Everywhere is nowhere without you."

"Edward... "

_Edward, what? _

"Don't say that."

_Why don't you understand?_

"Because everywhere is somewhere just because _you're _there."

_Alone... _"How's your dad?"

"He's okay. No change, really."

_I wish I could trade him places... just to have you by my side. _"No change is good, I guess... right?"

"Yeah... I mean, he's not worse, so that's good."

_But he's not better... and that isn't. You can't come until he's better..._

_Please get better, Charlie. Please..._

**…**

"Where are you?"

"Nowhere."

"Why won't you tell me?"

"I did tell you."

"_Nowhere_ isn't telling me."

"But it's where I am."

"I don't want you to be nowhere."

"Then tell me to be somewhere." _Please tell me..._

"I love you."

"I love you too, Bella." _More than you love me._

**…**

"Where are you?"

"Nowhere."

"Please stop saying that."

"But it's the truth. I always tell you the truth." _I wish you would do the same..._

"But if you always say nowhere, then how will I know where to run to to get to you?"

"I'll tell you when you want to come."

"When I _can _come. Not want to. Because want to is every second."

_Seconds... they all seem like years without you._

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that, don't you? That I want to? That I will? You didn't forget, did you?"

"No."

"Will you do something for me?"

"I'll do anything for you, Bella." _It's why I'm here... nowhere..._

"Close your eyes."

I do.

"They're closed."

"Remember. See me. Running to you."

I remember.

I see her.

Running to me.

Falling...

My beautiful clumsy girl with two left feet...

On her hands and knees...

Her knees with a hundred different little scars...

My beautiful clumsy girl...

My Bella...

Who needs me...

Because there's no one there to pick her up when she falls.

That's _my _job.

And I'm not there to do it.

Because she made me go away...

Why won't she tell me that she needs me?

I want her to tell me...

So I can be somewhere again.

She's my somewhere.

I wish I was hers.


	5. Chapter 5

**More Edward. That's all.**

**...**

**Chapter Five**

**Edward**

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

Four...

One more and I'll get her voicemail.

_Please pick up..._

Five.

And my heart falls.

Beep.

"I needed to hear your voice. I wanted... "

And I hang up.

Because she isn't there.

She doesn't even have her voice recorded on her phone.

I didn't get to hear it.

She won't give me what I need.

She won't give an inch.

**…**

"Edward?"

"Hi."

"I'm sorry I didn't get your call. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? There's nothing wrong?"

_It's all wrong. _"Yeah. Or no... I don't know. I just miss you."

"I miss you too."

_Do you, Bella? Do you really? Because I don't hear it._

"Edward, I've been thinking... "

"About what?"

"You and me."

_Me too, baby... every second. _"What about you and me?"

"Well... I was thinking that maybe we could do some things together."

"Together?"

"Yeah... "

_Yes... God, yes..._ "What would you like to do?"

"Have you had dinner yet?"

_What? _"No."

"Would you like to have dinner with _me_?"

_So much..._

But I look at my watch.

And count the miles.

And I know that it's not possible.

"You know I would, but... Bella, I'm hours away... even if I left now I-"

"No... I mean we could eat together... the same thing... at the same time... "

_Oh._

"Do you think we could do that? Would you like to?"

_I'd like to see you eat a cheeseburger with so much mayonnaise and ketchup on it that it gets all over your fingers and you lick... _

_Shit. _

I shift.

Clear my throat.

"Yeah. I'd like to have dinner with you."

"Okay." Her voice sounds like a smile. It's something. "So, what should we have?"

There's a diner just down the road from this crappy motel.

And Bella _always _has hamburger patties in her freezer...

And I'm already painfully hard from the thought...

So...

"Cheeseburgers."

"Perfect."

It could be...

It _was_...

And now I'll take what I can get.

The inches she's trying to give.

**…**

She's giggling.

And licking.

And sucking...

Fuck.

I hear it all.

I close my eyes.

I see her...

Her giggling mouth...

Her fingers as she closes it around them...

Sucks them clean.

And it's a good thing I'm eating in my room.

Having dinner with my girl...

"I wish I could see you right now... my messy girl."

"I bet you do... my horny boy."

"I wish I could... that we could... "

"Me too."

"Fuck, I miss you, Bella. I miss you so much... "

"Me too, Edward... me too... so much... "

Thank God...

_Now _I hear it.


	6. Chapter 6

**SM still owns it all, and this is still mine. And I'm giving it to you early today, because I'm feeling sappy, and sappy makes me think of these darlings. As for _why_ I'm feeling sappy... I just finished reading Simply Edward by CaraNo. And it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. So, if any of you have yet to read it, GO. Well... as soon as you're done _here_. Now... back to Bella.**

**...**

**Chapter Six**

**Bella**

"I want you to tell Edward to come back."

"What? Why?"

"Because he should be here with you, not out there wherever he is. You should be together."

"You know, Dad, I remember a time not so long ago that you thought we should spend some time apart."

"We're all wrong sometimes, Bells. Even your old dad here."

I gasp.

He laughs.

And starts coughing.

And can't stop.

I reach for the phone.

He puts his hand on mine, telling me no.

Give him a minute.

Don't make him feel helpless.

So I wait.

The waiting is painful.

All of it.

His discomfort.

Mine.

Edward's.

It all hurts.

His starts to ease.

The coughing slows.

Eventually stops.

I let out a breath, pick up his cup, hold the straw to his lips.

He drinks, slowly.

And watches me.

There's pain in his eyes.

And desperation in his words.

"Tell him to come back, Bells."

And now I'm afraid.

**…**

"Bella, tell me what's wrong. Please."

"It's nothing. Where are you, Edward?"

"Nowhere."

"I don't like it when you say that. You're somewhere. Please tell me."

"I don't like it when you say nothing when I know it's something. Please tell _me_."

I want to tell him so badly...

That I'm scared.

And that this is too hard.

And that I miss him so much I can't breathe.

And that I need him...

I need him _here_...

I know that he wants me to say it.

He wants to hear it.

So he can come running back...

And that's why I can't.

And I say something else.

"Nothing and nowhere... we're quite a pair, huh?"

"We are."

But I shouldn't have said that, either...

Because he's not done...

And I know what's coming next...

"But pairs belong _together_, Bella."

**…**

Where the hell is it?

They both went in, I know they did.

I check the washer again...

Empty.

The dryer...

Empty too.

The floor...

Not there.

I didn't drop it.

What the hell?

It's nowhere.

The dryer ate my sock.

And I'm left with half of a pair.

Again.

"Did you find it?"

Today Edward and I are doing laundry together.

"No. It's nowhere."

"I know how it feels."

Ouch.


	7. Chapter 7

**I hope everyone is having a lovely day. Now let's see how Bella and Edward are spending it...**

...

**Chapter Seven**

**Bella**

"What should we do today?"

"Talk."

"We are talking."

"But you never tell me anything, Edward."

"I tell you I love you."

"Yes. You do."

"I tell you I miss you."

"Yes, you do that, too, but you know that's not what I mean."

"But it _is _talking."

"Yes, but not what I want to hear."

Shit, that didn't come out right... "Edward?"

Silence.

"Edward... baby, that came out wrong." _So wrong... _

Still nothing.

"You know I didn't mean it that way." _Those words are all that keeps me going._

"Then what do you want to hear, Bella?"

Damn it... "I _want _to hear that you love me. And I _love _to hear that you miss me. And if you ever stop saying those things, I'll die... but Edward... I want to hear about _you_, too. I want to know where you are. I want to know what you do when we don't do things together. I want to know if something made you laugh. I want to know if you saw a beautiful sunset. I want to know if you're singing. I want to know if you've written a new song, or ten new songs... anything. Tell me anything. Just tell me _something_."

"I _miss _you, Bella."

Shit.

**…**

"I want you to tell Edward to come home."

_Not you too... _"Esme... "

"My son is broken, Bella. He's broken without you."

_Oh, please don't say that... _"It's just harder than we thought it would be. He'll be okay. He-"

"No, Bella. I don't think he will. Not until he comes home. And he thinks he can't do that. Tell him he can."

"Esme... he wanted this. He wanted it so much... "

"Things change, Bella. What Edward wants has changed. Can't you hear that when you talk to him? He doesn't want it without you."

"You and Carlisle and Charlie agreed we could have one year. One year to chase dreams... one year to see where they took us... "

"Yes we did, but honey, you were supposed to chase them _together_. He wasn't supposed to do it alone."

"It's not my fault that my dad got sick."

"Of course it isn't."

"And I can't leave him."

"Of course you can't."

The tears start to fall.

I can't stop them.

And I don't try.

"I don't w-want him to be alone... Edw-ward... but I don't w-want him to lose his ch-chance, either. I c-can't take it from him. I _c-can't_, Esme... Why d-doesn't anyone underst-stand that? Why d-don't y-you? Why doesn't h-he? He makes me feel s-so b-bad... like I'm b-breaking his h-heart... I d-don't w-want to d-do that. I'd n-never hurt h-him... not for anyth-thing in the w-world... "

She reaches up to wipe my tears.

Then pulls me into her arms.

Holds me tight against her.

And whispers in my ear...

"I know that, Bella. I know, sweet girl... " Her breath catches. "But you _are_."

And the tears that fall now...

From both of our eyes...

For the broken boy we both love so much...

Could carry us all away...

If only they could carry me to him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Late one today. RL is a PITA. Edward is not. And here he is...**

**...**

**Chapter Eight**

**Edward**

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. Just a clumsy idiot. A clumsy... embarrassed... idiot. Can you maybe pretend you didn't see that?"

"Don't be embarrassed. You tripped. It happens."

"Over my own two feet? When I'm not even carrying anything? Who does that?"

"I know a girl."

_She does it all of the time._

_And it's adorable when she doesn't get hurt._

_And I miss her. _

"And considering what you do for a living, I'd say it's a good thing you weren't carrying anything. Imagine if you'd had a heaping bowl of chili, or a scalding hot pot of coffee... "

"I'd rather not, thanks. And I guess this means you aren't going to forget?"

"Probably not."

"Great. And this isn't what I do for a living, it's just what I'm doing _right now_. And since it _is_, can I get you anything?"

"_Definitely_ not."

"I won't spill it on you."

"You won't if I place my order at the counter."

"That's mean."

"No it's not."

"If you say so, pretty boy."

"Pretty boy?"

"Yes. Pretty boy. Hasn't anyone ever called you that before?"

"No."

"I bet they have. They probably just didn't say it to your pretty face."

"Stop calling me pretty."

"Sure thing, handsome."

I don't like that, either.

And roll my eyes at the _right now_ girl.

And she walks away.

And right into a table.

And I laugh, because that's what she gets for calling me pretty. And handsome.

And for keeping me from dinner with my girl.

**…**

"How are your meatballs?"

"Not as good as yours. Not even close."

"You mean not as good as your mom's. It's her recipe."

"But you learned it for me."

"Of course I did."

"You did a lot of things for me."

"That's because I love you. When you love someone, you do things for them."

"I miss the things you did, Bella. I miss them all. I miss everything."

"Me too, Edward. Everything."

Does she? Does she really? What does she miss?

I want to ask her.

But I don't.

A quiet moment passes.

I take a bite of my spaghetti.

And hear her slurp hers...

Her lips puckered and wet with sauce.

Her cheeks hollowed, like when she...

"I wish I could see you eat your spaghetti."

"You wish you could lick the sauce off of my lips."

"I do."

"I do, too."

"You know what else I wish, Bella?"

"Tell me, Edward. I'd love to hear it."


	9. Chapter 9

**I'll just let you read.**

**...**

**Chapter Nine**

**Bella**

"You look tired, Bells. You're too young to look tired. Taking care of me is wearing you out."

"No it's not. I'm fine, Dad. Are you comfortable?"

"You're not fine. I may be stuck in this bed right now, but I'm still a cop. And still your dad. And I still know when you're _lying_. Don't lie to your dad, kiddo."

"I promise I'm okay. I'm just worried about you. I want you to get better. And I miss Edward. That's all it is."

"I'm worried too, Bells. About you."

"Well, don't. I'm tough. I get it from my dad."

"I'm not feeling so tough these days... "

"Don't say that."

"I'm not going to lie to you, kiddo. You need to prepare yourself for-"

"Hey! Now, you just shush. You're going to be fine. Better in no time and back on the lake catching our dinner."

"I think my fishing days are over, honey."

"I'm not going to sit here and listen to you talk like that. And if you keep it up, you're getting fish sticks for dinner. Don't make me feed you fish sticks, Dad."

I fluff the pillows behind his head and put the tv remote near his hand and then turn to leave. I _won't _listen to this...

But as weak as he is...

He's still strong enough to grab my arm hard enough to stop me in my tracks.

"Isabella... " And even if he wasn't, hearing my full name come from his mouth would have. "Tell Edward to come home."

**…**

**Edward**

"Come back to laugh at me some more, pretty boy?"

"I told you to stop calling me that. And last I checked, this was a diner, where you can order _food_, and _that _is what I came back for. Food."

"If you say so. And today you'll have to take your chances with me. The other girl went home sick, and I'm covering the counter, too."

"Lucky me. And I'm ready to order."

"You didn't even look at the menu."

"I don't need to look at the menu. I know what I want. And I'd like to not waste time, if you don't mind."

"Got somewhere to be, pretty boy?"

Somewhere...

I wish.

It would be so much better than nowhere with _right now_ girl.

So much better...

**…**

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember the first time you kissed me?"

"Of course I do. It was on the ferris wheel. We were stuck at the top and you were scared. So I kissed you. And then you _weren't_. Because I have magic lips."

"You do. Definitely. But that wasn't the _first _time."

"Yes it was."

"No it wasn't."

"Bella, it _was_."

"Edward, it _wasn't_."

"Maybe you're thinking of someone else."

"Edward Anthony! You know you are the _only _boy I have ever kissed! Don't make me mad!"

"You're sexy when you're mad. Your lips pucker. Which means you're not really mad, you just want me to kiss you again, like on the ferris wheel."

"You _know _I've never kissed anyone else, don't you?"

"Yes, I _know_. And I love that. They're _my _lips."

"And _your _knees, but since you don't remember the first time you kissed me... "

"Of course I remember."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. It was at the park. We were five years old. You fell down, on the rocks under the swings. Because you tried to jump off like I did. But you're you... and your knees were scraped, and you were crying. And I kissed them, so you would stop."

"You do remember."

"Of course I do. I remember every moment I ever spent with you, Bella. And I hope I never forget... because those moments are all I have now."

_Until you let me come home..._


	10. Chapter 10

** So... no update yesterday. My apologies, but you probably wouldn't have seen it anyway... we all know why. You very possibly won't see this, either, but I'm crossing my fingers. **

**More at the bottom, but for now... **

**...**

**Chapter Ten**

**Bella**

"How is he, Carlisle? How is he really?"

He looks at me.

Sighs.

And doesn't lie to me.

"He's not good, Bella."

I knew that. "He thinks he's... "

No.

I won't say it.

But I don't have to.

"He really should be in a hospital, honey."

"He doesn't want to be in a hospital."

"I know. Because he's stubborn."

"It's hard for him to admit that he needs... "

"I know a young girl like that. It's hard for her to, too."

"I need my dad to get better."

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen, honey. And you shouldn't be alone when it doesn't."

"I didn't know I was alone."

"Of course you have us. Esme and I. And Alice will be home soon. And Emmett and Rose. But that's not what you need, Bella. Not _all _you need."

Please don't...

"It's okay to need him, Bella. And it's okay to tell him you do."

"But-"

"And it's okay to _let _him be needed. He wants you to need him."

"I _do_. But... "

"He's waiting for you to tell him. _Waiting_, Bella. Do you understand what I'm telling you? He's in the middle of nowhere... just waiting for you to tell him."

Is that why he won't tell me where he is?

_Oh, Edward... that's not what you're supposed to be doing... You're supposed to be chasing your dream. Don't you dream anymore? You used to..._

And I want him to still...

"But, Carlisle... if I... "

"Life doesn't always go according to our plans, Bella. Or our dreams."

"But I want it to for _him_. I don't want to be the reason it doesn't."

"Like you are now?"

Ouch.

**…**

"How's Charlie?"

"He's... I don't know." _I don't want to say..._

"Well, I talked to my dad, so... "

"So... ?"

"So... I wish _you _would tell me things. Say things."

"I wish you would tell me things, too."

"I do."

"You don't."

"I say more than you."

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, Bella."

"You know that, don't you?"

He pauses.

Sighs.

I hold my breath. _Please say yes..._

"Yes. I do."

I let it out and close my eyes.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Where are you?" _Please..._

"Nowhere."

"You break my heart when you say that."

"But it's where I am."

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Where do you _want _to be?"

"Anywhere... _with_ _you_."

**…**

There's a knock at the door.

And I wish...

Hope...

For a moment...

But I know it's not.

And still open it with a smile.

And nearly get tackled to the floor.

"I'm back!"

Alice.

"You're _tan_."

"Yes I am. And you look like you've never seen the sun."

"I burn in the sun."

"That's because you're delicate."

She kisses my cheek.

And closes the door.

Then puts her hands on her hips.

And glares at me.

_Scary _Alice...

"So, why are you trying to be such a hard ass with my baby brother?"

"I'm not... "

"You _were_... because I wasn't here to kick your ass. But now I'm back. And you're not going to get away with it anymore."

"Alice-"

"_Alice_, nothing. He wasn't going, Bella. When I left, he wasn't going. But as soon as I was gone, _you _convinced him to leave."

"I don't want him to regret anything... "

"Because you love him. But sweetie... you're wrong about what you think he'll regret."

"I don't want to be wrong... I'm trying to-"

"I know, baby girl. But I'm here now to guide you. Your older, wiser, someday-sister."

"You're only a year older than us, Alice."

"That's because my parents were horny freaks back then."

"Alice!"

"Don't act innocent and shocked, Bella. I know better. You and Edward are horny freaks, too. I bet if I looked at your phone, I'd find all kinds of sexting."

"Don't touch my phone! _Weirdo_."

"You love me."

"I do."

"And you love my baby brother."

"I do. More than anything."

"_I_ know you do... but he doesn't so much at the moment. But we're going to fix that. And you can tell him when he gets home. And do freaky stuff. To show him."

"No, Alice... I'll tell him, I'll tell him a thousand times, but-"

"But, _nothing_. Now, I'm going upstairs to see Charlie. And you're going to go soak in some bubbles or something, cuz you look like shit. And I'm not letting my baby brother come home to shit."

"Alice-"

"Go!"

She's definitely back...

And bossier than ever.

And one more person on Edward's side.

And one more person that doesn't see that that's where I'm trying to be.

**... WYCYE ...**

**I just wanted to say thank you to all who are reading and reviewing. I love to see your thoughts about these two. And I love my new banner for this story. If you want to see it, it will be posted on my fb (Chloe Masen), along with all of my others. FrozenSoldier made this one, and it's awesome. SHE's awesome. Endless thanks to her.**

**And, for anyone reading Say Goodbye, it updated yesterday. FrozenSoldier made that banner too, btw, in all of its wicked splendor. As for the update... the 'crickets' are kind of killing me. Edward had a special treat in store for Bella that I think you might like. And the cocky bastard's got a sense of humor, too. So, go read it. Please.**

**And as for this... See you tomorrow! **


	11. Chapter 11

**For the very few of you that did manage to read and review this chapter, I apologize, but it seemed lost to the rest of us, so I deleted it and am trying this again. I'm sorry if your reviews were lost as a result.**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Edward**

"Hey there, pretty boy."

"What about STOP CALLING ME THAT didn't you understand?"

"Well, if I knew your name, I could call you by _it_."

"You don't need to know my name."

"Okay... then where are you from? Cuz it sure ain't from around here."

"How do you know I'm not?"

"I just know. So?"

"It's none of your business."

"Are you always so grouchy?"

"Are you always so annoying?"

"You're lucky you're so pretty, cuz charming you're _not_. So, if you won't tell me where you're from, where are you headed?"

"NOWHERE."

A bell dings from behind the counter.

And luckily she goes away.

But unlucky for me, it looks like she's the only waitress working again.

And now I have to wait again.

Apparently _forever_, because she's walking from the counter slower than a snail.

There is definitely no 'now' in _right now _girl... what the hell is her problem?

Oh...

I see now.

She's carrying two bowls of chili.

This can't be good.

Can't end well...

I hold my breath.

And lean as close to the counter as I can as she passes behind me.

Close my eyes.

And wait.

_Oh..._

_If only I could have closed my ears..._

I open my left eye...

Hoping it's not as bad as I think...

And it's not.

It's _worse_.

_So much worse..._

It's all over her.

It's all over _everything_.

And...

Is she crying?

Fuck, she's crying.

Shit!

"Hey... are you okay?"

"Don't you wanna laugh, _nowhere _boy?"

"No. It's not funny." _And I don't mind you calling me that. It's what I am._

She wipes at her tears, but now she just has chili on her face, and her tears start anew.

This girl is a train wreck...

But I can't look away.

Because when she's not running her mouth...

She kind of reminds me of Bella.

**…**

"Bella, where were you? I called you and called you... I didn't mean to take so long, I-"

"Edward, I'm sorry. I was at the hospital. I-"

"The hospital? Is Charlie okay?"

"He's fine. It wasn't him. It was me. I-"

"_You_? Bella, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Sick? Tell me, baby, please. What-"

"I'm _me_."

_Oh no... _

"Did you fall?"

"Yeah. Down the stairs."

She laughs softly.

I know there's a blush on her cheeks.

And a hole in my chest.

"You fell down the stairs? Oh, Bella... and I wasn't there to pick you up... "

Because I was picking someone else up.

Not the same...

Not the same at all, but...

"I'm so sorry, baby... Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are-"

"I'm fine. Just a clutz. And Emmett overreacted. He-"

"Emmett?"

"Yeah. Him and Rose are back from their honeymoon. They stopped by and-"

"Why didn't anybody call me? They should've-"

"Edward, please calm down. I'm okay. I promise. I didn't even need to go. I-"

"Tell me, Bella. Tell me what happened." _Tell me how you got hurt because I'm not there..._

"I went up to check on Charlie. To make sure he was okay. To see if he needed anything... before you called back. And the doorbell rang. And-"

"And you ran down the stairs and fell."

"_Tumbled_, really... and screamed, I guess. And Emmett heard me through the door. And broke it in. And then Rose stayed with Charlie-"

"And Emmett took you to the hospital. Did you see my dad?"

"Yes, Edward."

"And?"

"And I'm fine. Nothing broken. Except my front door. And my heart. I'm sorry, Edward... I really wanted to have dinner with you."

"You will tomorrow, Bella. I'm coming home."


	12. Chapter 12

**Testing... testing... 1...2...**

**Twilight belongs to SM. This is mine. MINE. Remember that.**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Edward**

I curse myself as I pack my bag.

And maybe her just a little, too.

I should never have left her.

She should never have told me to.

I shouldn't have let her convince me to go without her.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I _wasn't _thinking...

She looked at me with those pretty brown eyes and I stopped...

Fell into them.

And her gentle hands on my face.

And her words...

_It's an adventure, Edward. Our adventure. I can't go with you now, but we can still share it. It's still ours. It's even kind of romantic..._

_Imagine the conversations we'll have... late at night, our heads on our pillows..._

_You'll tell me about all of the places you've gone. All of the interesting people you've met. All of the stupid, slutty girls that you stepped over as they threw themselves at your feet._

_You'll write me songs... Sing them to me through the phone. _

_And we can send letters. Mine will always tell you where home is. And yours will tell me where dreams are._

_ A map of our adventure. A map of our love. We love each other enough, Edward. We can do this._

_ And someday we'll tell our grandchildren about it. How we loved each other enough... to be apart for a little while... so we could be together forever... and know we'd lived our dream. With no regrets._

Our dream.

It's my fault.

I knew she was wrong.

I knew...

Because this isn't our dream.

Together it might have been...

Together it would have been.

Together it would have been perfect.

Together.

Not apart.

Not separate.

Our dream was never separate.

In our dream we were _never _apart.

In mine...

There was never not her.

There was never _nowhere_.

And I'm not waiting for her to come.

And I'm not waiting for her to tell me I can go.

I'm going home.

To show her what I dream of.

To show her...

That the only thing I see when I close my eyes is her.

And that it's all I want to see when they're open.

Her.

I'm leaving nowhere.

I don't belong here.

And I won't stay.

I'm leaving...

Going _somewhere_...

I'm going home to my dream.

The one I didn't have to go anywhere to find.

Her.

Bella.

The one I should never have left behind.

…

**Bella**

"Got any more of these?"

"What?"

"Tampons, Bella. It's empty. And you put a note in the empty box to buy more. So, did you?"

I stare at her.

Alice.

The empty box in her hand.

The empty box with the note in it.

The note that I wrote...

I wrote...

_Oh God..._

"Bella?"

I shake my head.

Try to remember how to breathe...

Try to remember...

She steps towards me.

Slowly.

Speaks softly.

"Bella... sweetie... how long has this box been empty?"

"It... uh... I... "

I...

Feel dizzy.

Like I did before I fell down the stairs...

Feel sick.

Like I did this morning when I woke up.

Like I did yesterday morning...

And the one before.

And...

_Oh no..._

_Edward..._

"Bella!"


	13. Chapter 13

**SM started it all. My thanks to her. And to all of you who read this little story. And to DreamOfTheEndless... she reads this little story, too. And so much more. Her kind words of support melt my heart. And so do her stories, so go read them if you don't already. As soon as you're done here...**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Edward**

"Car trouble, nowhere boy?"

"Obviously."

"What's wrong with it?"

"If I knew, I'd fix it."

"Do you know _how _to fix it?"

"Some things."

"Like what?"

"What's with the twenty questions?"

"Just making conversation."

"Well, I'm busy, so if you don't mind... "

"You don't look busy."

"Well, I am."

"Want some help?"

"Are you a better mechanic than a waitress?"

"No."

"Then, no thanks."

"You're being grouchy again."

"You're annoying me again."

"I don't mean to."

"Then don't."

Finally, she walks away.

And now maybe I can concentrate.

Why won't it start?

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What? What did _I _do?"

"I'm not talking to you. I thought you left."

"Well, I didn't. And there's no one else here, so... "

"Why are _you _here?"

"Why am I _where_?"

"_Here_. Bothering me."

"I live here."

"You live _where_?"

"Here. At this motel. Like you."

"I don't live here. I was _staying _here. And now I'm leaving."

"_If_ you can get your car to start. But you can't, so... where _were _you going to go? Wait... let me guess... _nowhere_?"

"I _will _get it to start, and I _am _going _somewhere_. I'm going _home_."

"Where's _home_?"

"Far away from here."

"_What's_ at home?"

_Bella..._

"Everything."

**…**

**Bella**

There are four pairs of eyes staring at me.

Three pairs of _Cullen _eyes.

And my dad's.

I'm confused...

_Why?..._

Shit.

Alice.

Empty tampon box.

Empty for too long...

Dizzy...

Nauseous...

Scared.

I'm scared.

And stupid.

I'm so fucking stupid.

What have I done?

"How do you feel, honey?"

_Stupid and scared... _

Carlisle and Esme and Alice...

Their eyes are knowing.

But my dad...

His are just worried.

And I don't want him to worry.

I don't want him to have any stress.

No more than he already does.

"I'm okay, Dad. I'm sorry if I worried you. I-"

"What happened? I heard Alice scream... she said you fainted. And a few hours ago you fell down the stairs... "

"Dad, please don't worry. I'm-"

"I _am _worried, Bells. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I-"

"This is too much for you. Me... being here. Letting you take care of me... "

"No, I can-"

"You've been looking tired. I knew that. I saw it. It _is _too much for you. I'm sorry, honey. I've been selfish. I know you're hurting. You try to be strong for everyone... but I know Edward being gone is killing you. You should be with him. Not here... wearing down because of me."

"Dad-"

"No, Bells. I'll go to the hospital. I'm so sorry, honey."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Please don't-"

"I want to see my little girl _happy _again. Smiling, with light in her eyes, instead of the red, puffy ones I see. Laughing, instead of the cries I hear when you think no one can. I _hear _you, Bells... I hear you crying in your bed at night."

"I didn't want you to hear that."

"I know you didn't. You're like me. You don't want anyone to see your weaknesses. Well... the ones you can hide. Those two left feet you have are a different story. And enough on their own without adding exhaustion to the mix."

"I'm fine. I'll _be _fine. I'm just not getting enough sleep or something. I'll do better with that. You don't have to go anywhere. Everything will be okay, Dad."

"What if Emmett and Rosalie wouldn't have been outside the door earlier when you fell? What if Alice wouldn't have been here when you fainted? No, Bells. I won't let you get hurt because of me. I won't let your heart break. If you won't tell Edward to come home, then I want you to go to him. I want to know my little girl has someone to take care of her when I'm not able to."

"Dad-"

"Bella." It's Carlisle that speaks now... "You have to think of _everyone _involved. You're trying to be strong for everyone, like Charlie said... but it's taking its toll on you. _Someone _is going to get hurt this way, honey. None of us wants that to happen. You have to take care of yourself. And you have to admit that you need help. You're _not _alone."

"He's right, kiddo. Listen to him."

There's sadness and worry and fear in my dad's eyes.

And even though I know he doesn't know...

"Life is too precious, Bells."

"Don't worry, Charlie," Alice smiles, putting her arm around him. "We're a family. And families belong together. Our girl isn't going anywhere... because our boy is coming home. He's already on his way. And we'll figure everything out together. Because you're right, too. _Life _is so very precious."

There are four pairs of eyes staring at me.

And they all say I love you.

And soon I'll see another.

The ones I want to see more than anything...

But what will _they _tell me?

What will I see in Edward's eyes when...

_I'm so scared..._


	14. Chapter 14

**SM owns Twilight. I own this. And shock... the response to certain 'developments' was different than I expected. I'm glad. I should have had more faith in you. You, the readers, whose thoughts make me smile. Thanks for that.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Bella**

I'm pregnant.

I mean, I was pretty sure already...

Once I did the math...

One plus one equals two.

Two plus two equals four.

Three plus three...

I suck at math.

Edward doesn't, of course.

Edward doesn't suck at anything.

Edward is perfect.

And I'm pregnant.

It's official now.

One plus one equals _three_.

One stupid girl...

Plus one forgotten pill...

Equals Edward's life is ruined.

Ruined by me.

And I never thought...

Never thought I could...

Never thought I would...

Hurt the boy I love so much.

Crush his dreams.

Watch them pass him by like the images fly by outside my window as we drive back to my house.

The images I can barely see through my tears.

And the ones passing outside his own as he drives back to me...

The ones I know he's not taking time to look at...

Because he thinks they don't matter.

I know Edward...

He's staring straight ahead.

Looking through a tunnel.

Seeing only me at the end.

But he doesn't know...

That his me is a _we _now.

He doesn't know...

That one plus one equals _three_.

**…**

**Edward**

"You play the guitar?"

"What?"

"You have a guitar case on your back seat. I'm assuming there's a guitar in it... "

"Don't assume anything about me."

"Okay... Do you have a girl back home?"

"Yes."

"Is she why you're so desperate to go back?"

"Yes."

"Do you love her?"

"YES."

"Then why'd you leave her?"

_Because I'm stupid... _"Why are you still here?"

"Because you are, nowhere boy."

**…**

**Bella**

"Charlie's asleep, and I'm here if he wakes up and needs anything. You should try to get some sleep, too. You've had a hectic day."

"_Hectic_? Yeah, that sums it up, Alice."

"Everything's going to be okay, Bella. I promise it is."

"You can't promise that."

"I _can _promise it. And I just did. So, trust me and go lay that pretty head down."

"I don't want to sleep. I want to talk to Edward."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"While he's driving? Are you crazy?"

"No, and I agree that you shouldn't. That's a face to face conversation. Because the ear to ear smile that it puts on _his _is definitely something you should see."

I wish I was as sure as she is.

**…**

"Edward?"

"Hi, baby. Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I just needed to hear your voice."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something."

"I'm glad you're coming home. Will you tell me where you are now?"

"You're glad?"

"Of course I am."

Silence.

Too much.

No music...

No hum...

Maybe he's not...

"Edward, where are you?"

"I'm still here."

"Still where?"

"Nowhere."

"Oh. I thought... okay."

"I-"

"**Tell her I said hi!"**

"Shut up!"

Oh no...

He's not alone.

Not alone and not coming...

He chose _nowhere _over here.

"Edward, who was that?"

"No one. But Bella... "

And _no one_ over me.

And I hang up...

Jump from my bed...

Run to the bathroom...

Because I'm not just a me anymore.

I'm a we.

And we're going to be sick.


	15. Chapter 15

**You might need tissues? I did...**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Bella**

I stare out my bedroom window.

At the cars parked outside.

And the space where one isn't.

Then back to the picture in my hand.

Edward and I.

At our senior prom.

He looked so handsome in his suit.

Like a movie star.

The ones that make girls scream.

Blush and act silly and stupid.

Because he's beautiful.

My Edward...

He's so beautiful...

But is he still mine?

He's never cared about all of those stupid, silly girls that blushed and gushed...

Or the slutty ones that didn't.

Slutty girls don't blush.

They're bold.

Tell you what they want.

Tell him.

And he tells me...

The lewd things they say...

And we laugh at them.

I've never been jealous.

Never worried.

He didn't want them.

Or the slutty things they'd do.

He only wanted me.

I do things, too.

Because I love him.

Because he loves me.

And I never worried that he'd want something else.

Something more than me.

Something more than _we_.

Us.

Him and I.

I never worried.

But now...

He's not here.

Can't see me.

Can't touch me.

Can't feel me.

Edward likes to _feel_.

And I know he misses it.

Wants it.

Does he want it enough to forget about _we_?

Forget about me?

Who the hell was that girl?

"Why the hell aren't you answering Edward's calls and texts?"

"My door was closed, Alice."

"And now it's not. And I asked you a question. He said you won't answer him. He said you hung up on him last night and then wouldn't answer, and still won't."

"My phone is turned off."

"Why? He's called you a hundred times. And sent you messages. Why are you ignoring him?"

"He was with a girl."

"What?"

"Last night... when I called him. He was with a girl."

"What girl? He didn't say anything about any girl."

"I don't know. But he was with someone. Still _nowhere _with someone else when I thought he was coming home to me. And it hurt. And made me sick."

"And?"

"And I hung up. And threw up. And then turned off my phone."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"_Me_?"

"Yeah, _you_. Did you even ask him who she was?"

"Yes. He said _no one_."

"And?"

"And 'But Bella...' … and that's when I hung up."

"You're an idiot."

"Thanks, Alice. That makes me feel really good."

"I know my brother, and how much he loves you, and whoever that girl was, I have no doubts that she was, in fact, _no one_... but Bella... to just hang up? Not knowing who she was and why he was with her? That's the stupidest thing you could have done!"

"It hurt!"

"Then you should have told him that."

"I was busy throwing up. Do you understand, Alice? It hurt so much that it made me physically _sick_. I thought he was on the way home. Home to _me_. Home to _us_. And I was glad. And couldn't wait...

"I wanted to hear his voice so bad... until I could see his face... but he _wasn't _on his way home. And he wasn't alone. And his voice isn't the only one I heard. _After _I told him I was glad he was coming home. _Not _the only one. And the sound of _hers _ripped my heart up and out of my chest. And I _know _I'm an idiot. For telling him to go alone. Because he did... and now he _isn't_. And I don't n-need y-you throwing it in my f-face."

"Oh, sweetie... don't cry... there's an explanation. I promise you there is. Edward loves you. He's loved you all of his life. He's not going to forget that because of some stupid girl he just met. I don't know who she is, and I don't care. I know she's not _you_. Turn on your phone, honey. Let him explain. Let him tell you. Because I know he'll tell you that _you _are all there is for him. 'No one' could _never _change that. That's _your _boy, Bella."

She wraps her arm tightly around me.

Places her head against the side of mine.

And pulls the framed photograph from where it's clutched to my chest to where my tear-filled eyes can see it.

"He even put on a suit for you. And tried to tame his untamable hair. For _you_."

"And made me wear a dress. I didn't even want to go... "

"I know. Every other girl had to beg their boyfriend... every other girl except you. Because he never wanted you to regret anything. Never wanted you to miss anything, even if you didn't think you wanted it. He took a night you didn't think you cared about and made it special. For _you_. He'd do anything for you, Bella. Anything but _hurt _you. Think about that. Think hard. And turn on your phone. You'll regret it if you don't. And I think you regret enough already. Don't you?"

I do...

**... WYCYE ... **

**I know... no Edward. I promise you'll get him on the next one. Cross my heart. Now, back to CC, before I get killed.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Bella**

I turn on my phone.

And Alice wasn't kidding...

Edward _did _call nearly a hundred times.

And text...

So many texts...

E: **Bella please answer your phone**

E: **Baby you're scaring me**

E: **Please I don't know what happened**

E: **Bella please!**

E: **Why did you hang up baby?**

E: **Are you okay?**

E: **Is Charlie okay?**

E: **Did you hang up on purpose?**

E: **Are you mad at me?**

E: **What did I do?**

E: **Please talk to me**

E: **This isn't fair Bella**

E: **We don't do this to each other**

E: **I'd never do it to you**

E: **EVER**

E: **Did you turn off your phone?**

E: **Bella?**

E: **I'm stuck here in nowhere and now I don't even have you?**

E: **Please Bella?**

E: **PLEASE?**

E: **Well I'm not giving up**

E: **EVER**

E: **I love you**

E: **I love you Bella**

E: **I love you and I won't give up**

E: **I'll walk if I have to**

E: **I'll run**

E: **To get to you**

E: **You're breaking my heart**

E: **I never thought you would**

E: **But still I won't give up**

E: **I'll let you and love you anyway**

E: **I LOVE YOU**

E: **Don't you love me too?**

E: **You used to**

E: **Tell me you do**

E: **Please Bella**

E: **Please...**

E: **Tell me you love me too**

E: **Still**

E: **Bella?**

E: **Please don't do this**

E: **I just talked to Alice. For the second time. She told me what you said.**

E: **REALLY Bella? REALLY? THE STUPID GIRL?**

E: **I can't believe you...**

E: **How could you think?**

E: **HOW?**

E: **I'm so mad at you right now...**

E: **TURN ON YOUR FUCKING PHONE!**

B: **It's on now.**

"Hello."

"ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"No."

"Bella, how could you?"

"I don't know."

"I told you she was no one!"

"I know."

"NO ONE!"

"But... "

"You hurt me, Bella."

"You hurt me, too."

"I didn't do anything!"

"I... "

"You what?"

"I... "

"WHAT? You WHAT?"

"I need you, Edward."

"What?"

"I need you."

"You need me?"

"Y-yes. I n-need you."

"Oh, Bella... that's all I wanted."

"I kn-know."

"She's no one."

"Okay."

"No, not okay. I need to know you believe me."

"I believe you."

"Bella... "

"I do."

"You never should have doubted me."

"I know."

"You should."

"I do."

"Tell me again, Bella."

"I need you."

"I've been waiting for that."

"I know."

"Again."

"I _need _you, Edward. Please come home. Leave nowhere. Leave no one. Please? I need you here. Somewhere. With me."

"Bella... she _is _no one."

"No, Edward... she's someone. Someone who knows where you are. Someone who knows more than me. I'm no one now. I wish I was someone. I wish I was _her_. And she was me. I wish-"

"**Hey, nowhere boy!"**

"I wish I believed you."

"Bella!"

**…**

**Edward**

"Alice, please put her on the phone."

"Who the hell is the girl, Edward?"

"Fuck! How many times do I have to say it? She's _no one_!"

"**That's not very nice."**

"Then why is she always next to you?"

"She's not! Alice, _please_?"

"I heard her, Edward!"

"Will you just go away? You're ruining my life!"

"**You left your life, nowhere boy. **_**And **_**your girl. You can't blame it on me. You ruined your own life. Or maybe... you just didn't like the one you **_**had**_**."**

"SHUT! UP!"

"I can't believe you're doing this, Edward. That you'd do it to Bella... "

"I'm not doing anything!"

"Tell somebody who will believe you."

"Alice? Alice!"

**…**

"Fuel pump?"

"Fuel pump."

"But I just drove it an hour before... "

"That's usually how these things go. One minute, fine, the next, _not_."

"Well, how long will it take?"

"Three or four days."

"Three or four days?"

"Yep."

"I don't have three or four days!"

"What you don't have is a choice. It'll be three or four days."

"Is there another shop in this stupid town?"

"Nope."

"I need it fixed today."

"I need a wife that looks like Marilyn Monroe, but I can't have that any more than you can have your car fixed today."

"I don't care what it costs."

"Good. But it still won't be fixed today."

"Why not?"

"Don't have the part."

"So order it."

"Did. And it'll be three or four days."

"What the hell kind of town am I in?"

"You're in the middle o' nowhere, son. And you better get comfortable, cuz you're gonna be here another three or four days."

**…**

"Dad? You believe me, don't you?"

"Of course I do. But Edward... I'm not the one you have to convince."

"I'm trying, but-"

"Try harder, Edward. There's more at stake than you know."

"What does that mean, Dad?"

"It means life is waiting for you, Edward. The life you made...

"Come home and show them you're someone to believe in."


	17. Chapter 17

**SM still owns Twilight. I still own these sweethearts. And I LOVE them. BOTH.**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Bella**

"Anything you want to talk about, kiddo?"

"No."

"You can, you know... talk to me, if you need to."

"Thanks, Dad. But I'm okay."

"I don't think you are, Bells. Something's going on. With Edward."

_That's what I'm afraid of... _"Edward's chasing his dream."

"Edward's dream is _you_."

"That might not be true anymore, Dad."

"Is this about a girl?"

"What? How did you... "

"I heard Alice yelling at him on the phone about some girl."

"Oh."

"Bells... I know this distance is hard... but you should trust him."

"I want to. But he's making it hard."

"Is he? Or are you?"

"Me?"

"What has he told you about the girl?"

"That she's no one."

"Then you should believe him."

"And if he's lying?"

"Has Edward ever lied to you before? About anything?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Then don't assume he'll start now just because you can't see him."

"But he can't see me, either. And maybe... "

"Maybe he just found a friend in a place he has no one."

"A friend?"

"Maybe. Maybe less. But certainly not more."

"But what if-"

"What if the person you loved most in the world stopped believing in you? I think that would hurt. Don't you?"

"I don't want to hurt him."

"Do you think he wants to hurt you?"

"No. But there's things he's not telling me. He won't tell me where he is. And who that stupid girl is... "

"Maybe they're not important. What about the things you're not telling him that are?"

"What things?"

"Things he should know. Like that you miss him. That you want him here. That you need him here."

"I did tell him that. All of those things."

"That's good. Did you tell him that he's going to be a father?"

"Wh...what?"

"I know you're pregnant, Bells."

"H...how did you... Did Alice-"

"No. Alice didn't tell me. I see things...

"Bells... sometimes the truth is right in front of your eyes. And sometimes it's not... but it doesn't mean it's not there just because you can't see it. And it seems to me that _you're _the only one who's keeping secrets.

"That boy loves you. He's never hidden that. Not from you or anyone else. I've seen the way he looks at you, honey. I don't always _like _it... but that's just me being a dad with a daughter who isn't a little girl anymore. A dad with a daughter who's loved, and wanted, and cherished by a boy who _I _know will never have eyes for another. A boy who _I _believe in. A boy who's going to have to come home and be a man.

"I told you to tell him to come home because I wanted him to take care of you. Because I knew he could. Because I knew he _would_. I still believe that. That he _will_, but you have to give him the chance. And whoever this girl is... if Edward says it's no one, then I think you should believe him. And tell him about _your _new someone. Because it's his, too."

"But I want him to come home for me. Because he _wants _to, not because he has to."

"Then tell him you trust him. And let him show you why you should."

**…**

"Edward?"

"You're talking to me now?"

"Yes. If you're willing to talk to me?"

"Of course I am."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, Bella. I'm _hurt_."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"But you think I want to hurt you? That I would?"

"No... I know you wouldn't."

"You do?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Edward. I know you didn't do anything with that girl."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you love me."

"You should."

"I do."

"I love you more than anything, Bella. More than anything in the world."

"I know. I love you more than anything, too."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I've always been sure. Ever since the first day you kissed my gross, bloody knees."

"They weren't gross."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are you?"

"At a bus stop waiting for a bus in nowhere."

"Why?"

"Because my car is in a shop and it will take three or four days to get it fixed and I couldn't wait that long to come home and beg you to love me again."

"Edward... "

"I'm sorry I left you, Bella. It doesn't matter what you said... I shouldn't have left. You're the only dream I care about. And I swear I'll make it up to you. And never let you tell me what to do again."

"Maybe just one more time?"

"No."

"Edward... "

"NO. I mean it, woman. I'm the boss from now on."

"You're cute."

"I'm glad you think so."

"But I don't want you to get on the bus."

"Too bad. I am."

"Wait for your car, Edward. It's only three or four days. And I already love you. Always. I never stopped and I never will."

"No, Bella... I'm-"

"And I love your car. And I want to see it coming down my street. I had to watch it drive away, I want to watch it come back. Please, Edward? For me? I promise to _do_ stuff to you in it."

"I want you to do stuff to me in it. But-"

"Please?"

"You know she's around here... and she's like a stupid annoying fly that buzzes around your head and won't leave you alone and-"

"I'm not worried about her. She's no one, right?"

"Yes. No one is anyone but you."

"Then don't let her take anything from me. Or you."

"You really trust me, Bella?"

"With our lives, Edward."


	18. Chapter 18

**Have faith, my darlings! This chapter is a no one-free zone. _Right now _girl is elsewhere. She isn't wanted or needed here. Edward _is_, so I hope you enjoy him.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Edward**

So much for me being the boss.

I was almost on my way...

And now I'm not.

I can't believe I listened to her again.

But then, I always listen to her...

Because Bella usually has good ideas.

_Really _good ideas.

Like what she wants to do to me in my car.

I love that idea.

But couldn't she do it somewhere else?

Sooner?

I could be there sooner...

And she could do stuff to me sooner...

God, I want her to do stuff to me...

But she wants to see my car coming down her street.

Coming instead of going.

And that's what I want more than anything.

For her to want that.

For her to want me.

Coming instead of going.

There instead of here.

Home.

Instead of nowhere.

She's my home.

I want her to be my home forever.

And do stuff to me.

FOREVER.

I wish she could do it now.

Stuff.

I'm tired of doing it myself.

Well...

Different stuff.

Not what she does.

My Bella...

I wonder if she's still up.

E: **Are you awake?**

B: **Yes**

E: **Why? It's late**

B: **Thinking about you**

E: **You are?**

B: **Yes**

E: **I'm glad you are. I'm thinking about you too. Can I call you?**

B: **Yes. Please**

One ring... not even one. "Hi."

"Hi. You were thinking about me?"

"Yes."

"What were you thinking about?"

"Our 2:00 am picnic on my bedroom floor."

"It was 2:04 am."

"It was."

"I was almost late."

"But you weren't."

"I would have been earlier if I hadn't have fallen trying to climb in your window."

"You had a _me _moment."

"I did. In honor of you, perhaps."

"Perhaps."

"But I tried again."

"And had a _you _moment."

"For you."

"It was sweet."

"I couldn't miss the minute you were born. 2:04 am is the best minute ever."

"You're the best boyfriend ever."

"I'm the only boyfriend you've ever had."

"You're the only boyfriend I'll ever want. Or need."

"I hope so."

"I know so."

"So what were you thinking about? Exactly?"

"My present."

"Which one?"

She giggles.

And it makes me smile.

And hard.

Well... _harder_.

Her present.

One of many I gave her.

One...

The one _I'm_ thinking about now.

It was her day, after all...

And I wanted her to feel special.

I like making her feel special.

I can't wait until I can again.

Make her _feel_...

I love the way she pulls my hair while she whimpers and her body shakes.

The way she squeezes my head so tight with her legs I can't breathe.

But I do.

Breathe.

Her.

She _is _my breath.

And I can't wait to breathe her.

And taste her.

And for her to taste me.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

I can hear the blush in her voice.

The bashful smile on her lips.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, Edward."

"I miss _everything_, Bella."

"Me too."

"Can we have another picnic on your floor? When I get home?"

"Yes."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I _be _a picnic on your floor when I get home?"

"Yes, Edward. And in your car, like I promised."

"And my favorite way?"

"Of course."

That's what I want most...

"I love your knees."

"You love me _on _them."

"For me. When it doesn't hurt you."

"It doesn't hurt me. It makes you smile."

It does.

When she falls to them because she loves me.

She looks up at me...

Her pretty brown eyes...

Her soft lips...

I see how much she loves me.

I feel it.

And I smile at her.

And she giggles.

And it tickles.

And I make faces that make her laugh.

And make her want to see more.

Do more.

And I hold her hair.

I don't pull it like she pulls mine...

I stroke...

Feel.

The softness.

Her silky hair.

Her warm mouth.

Her soft hands on my hips.

Mine that isn't...

Isn't soft like hers.

Isn't...

But when I close my eyes...

Hear her sweet voice...

"Soon, Edward... "

I can feel her.

_Now... _

"Bella... "

**... WYCYE ...**

**Things have been a little tense around here. And he _is_ an 18 yr old boy... :P**


	19. Chapter 19

**So... no update yesterday. I apologize, but my head just wasn't in the right place. Like Bella's, perhaps...**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Bella**

"Thank you both, for everything you do for him. For us."

"You don't have to thank us, honey. We'll do anything we can to help you."

Their smiles are kind.

Edward's parents.

And genuine, I know.

But still...

There's this elephant in the room.

We haven't really talked about it.

And I want to.

Need to.

With them.

Before Edward comes home.

And I tell him.

I'm scared...

To tell him.

And to talk about it now.

With them...

These two people that I love.

Who have always been like a second set of parents to me.

I'm afraid to talk about it with my dad, too.

Who knows...

But is yet to yell.

Maybe he just doesn't have the energy.

Right now.

"Are you okay?"

They won't yell.

Edward's parents.

They never yell.

But...

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, honey?"

"Doing this to Edward's life. I never-"

"It takes _two _to create a life, Bella. You didn't do it alone."

"But I'm the one that screwed up my pills. It was my responsibility. And I... I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

"Hate you? Isabella Marie Swan! We don't hate you. And I don't ever want to hear that word again!"

Well, maybe _Esme_ yells...

In that way that's sweet and shocked and scolding all at the same time.

Like the day I tripped and fell and knocked over her fancy vase...

And then brought her my piggy bank, thinking I could pay for it.

She wasn't mad about the vase.

But I got an "Isabella Marie Swan!" for bringing my piggy bank.

And an "I told you so" from Edward.

But this isn't a vase.

And my piggy bank won't help this, any more than it could then.

And neither can _I'm sorry_, but I don't know what else to say.

But I try anyway.

"I won't let it hurt him. Somehow... I won't let this ruin his life. His future. I-"

"You think that's how we feel?"

"I don't... "

I sit down.

Look at my shoes.

Let out a breath.

"I don't know. But I'm afraid it is."

They come and sit beside me.

One on each side.

Esme puts her arm around me.

Carlisle takes my hand.

"We wouldn't have chosen it, Bella. Not this soon. Not while you're both so young... but we don't think it's going to ruin anyone's life. You and Edward love each other. And we love you. _Both _of you. And we'll all love that little blessing you're carrying inside of you. Because it _is _a blessing. Made of love, and symbolizing hope. And we'll be here every step of the way. You kids won't have to do it alone, like we did."

"Like you did?"

He squeezes my hand and Esme tucks my hair behind my ear.

"Yes, like we did. Emmett's arrival into our lives happened very much the same way. We were your age... had plans for college... after a summer of dream-chasing - our parents wouldn't give us the year we agreed to give you. And then... surprise! A baby.

"We were happy. But here's where the similarities end. Our parents _weren't_. They didn't support us. They didn't help. They didn't want us to have the baby. They said it would ruin our lives. His parents blamed me, mine blamed him. In the end, we were on our own. It wasn't easy...

"But Carlisle still went to medical school, and I still managed to go to art school - and while I didn't become the famous artist I once dreamed of being - I wouldn't change anything. My children are my greatest dreams come true."

"And mine."

"You're really not upset with me?"

"Only for thinking we would be."

**...**

**Edward**

"Thought you were going home to your girl, nowhere boy?"

"I am."

"Last time I saw you, you were headed for the bus station... yet here you are."

"Can you just do your job and take my order?"

"Sure. Can _you_ just admit that maybe you like it here? Or _something_."

"Because you wish I did? No. And because all of the somethings in the world are nothing to someone who has everything. _I_ have everything. Everything I could ever want. And I'd never give it up for something right now... no one in the middle of nowhere. Not for a second."

"Edward?"

That one word...

My name...

Coming from the sweet voice at my ear.

The one I brought with me this time...

Because I didn't want her to worry...

Even though she said she trusted me...

That one word is everything.

"Yeah, babe?"

"I love you."

But those three...

Those three are my dream.

The one that already came true.

"I love you, too, Bella. Forever."


	20. Chapter 20

**** Twilight belongs to Ms. Stephenie Meyer. Where You Are belongs to Mr. Gavin DeGraw. I'm just borrowing both. I hope they don't mind. Really and truly I do. I mean to infringe on nothing.**

**And I'm told that what lies below annoys people. I did it anyway. And I ask this... please consider the context in which it was done. It's what Edward wanted to do for Bella. That's enough for me.**

**Chapter Twenty**

**Edward**

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember all of those things you said? Before I left... how you thought this could be kind of romantic?"

"Yeah."

"I'm really sorry I screwed that up."

"You didn't... "

"Yes I did. I didn't send you any letters. No silly postcards. I didn't sing you any songs... "

"I wrote _you _letters."

"You did?"

"Yeah. But you wouldn't tell me where you were, so I couldn't send them."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You'll be home soon."

"Can I still have them?"

"If you want them."

"Of course I do."

"Then, of course you can have them."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you write me any?"

"I don't know if you could call them letters. It's mostly just a million _I love you_s and _I miss you_s and _I want you to want me to come home_s."

"I don't need more than that. And I did want you to come home. You know that, don't you? And why I wouldn't tell you?"

"Yeah, I know why. And that you're a pain in my ass."

"But you love me."

"Yeah, I do. Remember that when I come home and turn you over my knee."

"You wish."

"You'll see."

"You're too sweet. You'd never do it."

"Exactly... maybe I am _too sweet_."

"No, you're not."

"I think so. That's why you always get your way. But you're not going to anymore. I'm going to be _tough _now."

"You're cute."

"I _mean_ it, Bella."

I suppose I should be annoyed or insulted that she's giggling at me...

But the truth is, when Bella giggles...

I turn to mush.

And she knows it.

Damn that girl...

_My _girl...

That I love so much it hurts sometimes.

And that I miss so much...

And feel so much regret for _why_ I do...

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I sing you a song?"

"Of course you can. You wrote me something?"

"Well... all of the things I tried to write just ended up like my letters... so, it's not one of _my_ songs. Just something I've been listening to. Something that says everything I feel."

"I'd love to hear that."

"And I know I'm not _there_ yet... but I will be. Okay?"

"Okay. But I don't know what that means."

"I know. You will."

"Okay."

"I'm going to put you on speaker and put the phone down so I can play, too, okay?"

"Okay."

"It's called Where You Are. In case... well... just listen...

"**well everybody hurts - **

**that's where we're all the same**

**we drive on through the worst and push on through the pain**

**I'm standing at your door - **

**it's been a million miles**

**I'll be the first to say...**

** I can't take any more and that...**

**I wanna be where you are**

**I feel the same as I did from the start**

**whoa, I wanna be where you are and I'm willing to get there**

**there won't be any hearts breaking again**

**this is the part where I stay where I stand**

**oh, I wanna be where you are - **

**tell me you're with me so far**

**...**

**so let this be the chance - **

**the only one that counts**

**your love will be my last, until my life runs out**

**until then I won't rest -**

'**til then I will not stop**

**until I hear the words -**

**all I need is a **_**yes **_**and that...**

**I wanna be where you are**

**I feel the same as I did from the start**

**whoa, I wanna be where you are and I'm willing to get there**

**there won't be any hearts breaking again**

**this is the part where I stay where I stand**

**whoa, I wanna be where you are -**

**tell me you're with me so far...**

**I am amazed**

**and I'm clutching to each word you say**

**fall into space -**

**forgetting every mistake that I've made**

**I'm beginning to change as I feel all my fears slip away**

**and each look at you is a moment I choose to embrace**

**and I wanna be where you are**

**I feel the same as I did from the start**

**whoa, I wanna be where you are and I'm willing to get there**

**there won't be any hearts breaking again**

**this is the part where I stay where I stand**

**whoa, I wanna be where you are -**

**tell me you're with me so far."**

I put down my guitar and pick up my phone...

And just listen for a moment.

And my heart breaks...

Because I made her cry.

And I pray it's not because I ruined one of her favorite songs...

But I really don't think it is...

"Bella?"

"Y-yes, Edward. _Y-yes_."

**... WYCYE ...**

**I know. I'm a cheesy, sappy, SAP. I AM NOT ASHAMED.**

**But I am thankful. For all of you that are here with us. And for Gavin... I worship the ground that man walks on. And sings on. And writes on. And strums, and tickles the keys, and even dances on, as of late. All of the thanks I can muster goes to him.**

**See you tomorrow.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

**Bella**

"Can we just get it over with, Dad?"

"Get what over with?"

"The yelling, the lecture, the 'I'm disappointed in you'... "

"That's what you're waiting for?"

"Shouldn't I be?"

"No. I'm not going to yell. And no lecture... you don't need that. And Bells, I've _never _been disappointed in you. Not a day in eighteen years. Don't ever forget that, sweetheart.

"I wish you kids didn't have to grow up so fast, but I know the Cullens will be there for you. You won't have to do it alone. I couldn't have hoped for a better family to love my little girl. I know you'll be okay when-"

"Dad, please don't talk like that."

"I know Carlisle has talked to you. I asked him to."

"Anything could happen. No one knows what the future-"

"Bells... I do know. And so does Dr. Cullen. And so do you. I want you to accept it. And I want you to focus on my little grandchild. Be strong for him or her. And someday tell them that I'm sorry I didn't get to meet them."

"Please stop... "

"I'm sorry, honey. With all my heart, I'm sorry."

"Then keep fighting. We're Swans, and Swans don't give up. You taught me that. Did you forget?"

"No... but I can't win this one, Bells. And I don't want to waste any more time and energy fighting a battle I've already lost. And I don't want you to. I want you to think about the future. The beautiful life you're going to have. You and Edward and that _new _little ray of hope you made. New life, honey. That's what's important now. It's what made mine complete. A little girl I was afraid to even hold... but that needed me, because there weren't any other arms."

"Yours were perfect."

"I know that's not true. You had to grow up without a mother. Your own, at least. But I tried my best. I tried... and eventually you had Esme... that saint of a woman who treated you like one of her own. That family... that you belong in. That I know will hold you when I can't. Edward sure isn't ever going to let go again. And don't you ever tell him to. Do you understand me, young lady?"

I nod, unable to speak.

His words are stern, but his eyes are smiling.

And the tears in them mirror my own.

Tears we both try to fight.

But that break through our shields...

As I lay down beside him.

And his arms wrap around me.

His arms that are weak...

Tired...

And waiting...

For the moment he can let go.

**…**

**Edward**

"Dad?"

"How are you today, son?"

"Charlie called me. He told me to hurry."

"Yes. You should. As soon as you're able."

"It was like he... "

"He wants you to be here for her, Edward."

"So, he really is...?"

"Yes."

"Fuck... can't you do anything?"

"I wish I could."

"Does Bella know?"

"I believe she does. She's trying to be brave."

"And I'm not there."

"You will be. She knows that. It's giving her strength."

"It's not enough, Dad... "

_It's not nearly enough._

**…**

"You're in luck, kid. Part came in a little while ago. We'll get her worked on tomorrow."

"Can't you do it now?"

"Nope. Almost closin' time."

"I'll pay extra. I'll pay anything."

"You're one of them spoiled little rich kids, aren't ya? Born with a silver spoon in your mouth?"

"No."

"You throw around money like you are."

"My father works hard for what we have. I'm not trying to throw around his money, or act spoiled... I just want to get home. It's important. I made a mistake by leaving. I just want to make it right before it's too late. Please, sir? Please help me?"

"Well, ain't that sweet, nowhere boy? You miss your girl so much you're willing to beg. It's kind of pathetic if you ask me. Hey, Gus."

"Did you follow me here?"

"Don't flatter yourself. I'm making a payment."

"You think you got troubles, kid? This one's car's been here for goin' on four months. And the way she's payin' me, it'll be here another year."

"Four _months_?"

"She ain't rich like you. She was just passin' through when she had some car trouble. And she can't go nowhere till her bill is paid. And me and my boys ain't workin' late just cuz you're achin' for a girl. So, your car will be done _tomorrow_."

"She doesn't know anything about me. And that's not why. Please? I wouldn't say it was important if it wasn't."

"You miss your momma's cookin', too, do ya? Or do you eat in fancy restaurants every night? Our little diner ain't good enough for you?"

"Be careful how you answer, nowhere boy, Gus's wife owns the diner."

"It's a nice diner. The only complaint I'd ever have is about the _service_."

Gus seems to think this is funny. And doesn't seem at all surprised to hear it.

"She is a train wreck, ain't she? Which is exactly why her car is probably gonna be here another year. People don't like to tip when they leave with lunch _on _their belly instead of in it."

"You're both just mean."

I ignore right now girl's attempt at a pout, though I do kind of feel sorry for her, and try once again to plead my case, eyeing a picture behind the counter.

"You have a daughter, sir?"

"Yep. And just cuz you're missin' your girl, don't go gettin' any ideas, rich boy."

"No... I'm just wondering how you'd feel if it was just you and her... and you were real sick... and running out of time... and maybe hours were like seconds... and every one counted...

"I do miss my girl, sir... but the thought of her being left all alone, if there was a chance she might not have to be... I'll do anything for her not to suffer through that. _Please_?"

He looks back at the picture behind him.

Then back to me.

Almost believing...

But still suspicious.

"Are you pullin' my leg, son?"

"No, sir."

One more glance behind him...

And a sigh...

"You willin' to get dirty?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then... wait... her daddy like you?"

"Yes, sir. And he called me today and told me to hurry."

"Hell. Okay, son. If her daddy told you to hurry, then that's enough for me. Now, let's get you home. Your girl needs you."


	22. Chapter 22

**So, yesterday... life was hard yesterday. Wasn't feeling well. And... well, none of that is important. Today is a new day. And yes, this is short compared to recent chapters. But here it is...**

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**Edward**

"You're all set. Now, you drive safe goin' home, and take good care of that girl of yours."

"I will, Gus. Thank you."

"You're a good kid, Edward. It's no wonder her daddy likes you. I'm sorry I gave you a hard time. I hope you make it."

"Me too, nowhere... _Edward_. And don't get mad... I didn't come back to irritate you. I brought you some sandwiches and a few things... for your drive home."

"Uh... thanks. You didn't have to... "

"You were nice to me that first day... and I acted stupid or... I don't know. I'm not used to anyone being nice to me. Or not laughing at me, even though you did after. But that was my fault, I guess... Anyway, this is just my way of saying thanks. And I'm sorry. You really are a nice guy. And _pretty_. That was never meant as an insult. I'm just an idiot."

"You're not an idiot... but you _are _a terrible waitress. You really should look for a different job."

"I'm out of here as soon as my car is set free. I have dreams. And in case you haven't noticed, there aren't a lot of job options here in nowhere."

"What are your dreams?"

"I want to be a singer. Well... I _am _a singer, I just want other people to know it. And they will, when I get out of here."

"Well, good luck. And thanks again for the food."

I get into my car and put my surprise care package on the seat next to me. I wave goodbye to both of them and back out of Gus's garage, but I don't get more than a few feet before right now girl yells out...

"Hey! You have to go get your stuff... if I promise not to annoy you, can I have a ride back to the motel? It's kind of late and-"

"You don't need a ride!" I yell back.

And she looks hurt...

For a second.

Until Gus hands her her keys...

And then her mouth drops open.

And her eyes go wide.

And I pull away before she can thank me.

Because I don't need thanks.

I didn't do it for that.

Gus told me a little bit about her while we were fixing my car.

That's she's really just a girl with dreams who got stuck in nowhere.

And that she's all alone.

Her family turned their backs on her when she got pregnant.

Then her boyfriend did.

Then she lost her baby.

But her family still wouldn't take her back.

And she was still strong enough to keep going...

And go after all she had left.

That's why I did it.

Because I have so much more than she does...

And I'm so thankful for that.

For what I have.

And for what I could give to a girl who has nothing.

Because no one with dreams should ever be stuck in nowhere when they want to go somewhere.

No one.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

**Bella**

"Where are you?"

"Headed somewhere."

"Is somewhere _here_?"

"Of course it is. _There _is the only somewhere there is."

"There's lots of somewheres, Edward."

"Not for me there isn't."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Bella. And I can't wait to show you how much."

"You're really good at showing me how much."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"I don't know about that, but I will be. I promise."

"You already are."

"Not always. Like now."

"Like now? But you're coming home. For me. How is that not showing me?"

"I could have showed you better if I stayed. If I never left you."

"You didn't leave me. I don't think of it that way. And I don't want you to."

"How do you think of it?"

"That you went to find _you_. You that isn't just me."

"But I didn't find anything. Me without you was nothing."

"That's not true, Edward. Don't say that."

"It _is _true, Bella. You _are _me. What I eat. What I sleep. What I breathe. What I dream... You're everything. And what I never want to be without. Never again. We'll never be apart again."

"I hope not."

"We won't."

We...

He still doesn't know that we is _three_.

And I'm still nervous about that.

I've imagined it a thousand times...

Closed my eyes and pictured it...

What he'll say when I tell him.

How he'll look.

How he'll look at me.

At _we_.

And not once was he mad.

Not once upset.

Not once...

Because my mind couldn't find something he's never showed me.

We've had arguments...

Gotten mad at each other...

But nothing very big.

Nothing more important than us.

Nothing that came between us.

Or ever could have.

But this...

Him or her.

_Our_...

It _is_.

Between us.

In the middle.

After me and before him.

And I just don't know.

Can't be sure.

I was wrong about Carlisle and Esme.

And wrong about my dad.

They didn't react how I thought they would.

And that was good...

But what if I'm wrong again?

And wrong is bad?

What if Edward shows me something I've never seen?

What if...

"Did you fall asleep on me?"

"No. I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Us." _All three of us..._

"What about us?"

"What if we're different? If _I'm _different? When you come back. How will you feel?"

"We're going to be okay, Bella. _You're _going to be okay. Everything... I'm going to take care of you. I promise."

"But-"

"I'll make it better. Somehow. I'll find a way. To take away your hurt. Your pain. Your fear. I'll never give up until I find it. I won't screw up again. Won't not hear the words you don't say. Will never again not know that you need me."

"I do need you." _We do..._

"I'm coming, baby. As fast as I can get to you, I'm coming."

"Not too fast. I'll worry."

"Don't worry about me. I'm being careful. I have too much waiting for me not to be. I won't let you down, Bella. Not again. I promise... never again."

"You never have."

"Lay your pretty head down, sweetheart. And close your eyes. Dream. And when you wake up, I should be almost there."

"Edward... no... you can't drive all night. You have to stop. You have to sleep. You can't-"

"I can't waste another second. I can't, Bella. I've wasted too many. If I get too tired, I'll find a place to stop and rest, but I'm not tired, baby. My eyes only need one thing, and that's you. It's all they've ever needed. Open or closed. _You_. And they'll stay open until they see you."

"Edward... "

"Trust me. Please. I know what I need. And what you need. And I'll see you when you open your eyes. Go to sleep, Bella. And call me when you wake up. And be ready to see me coming. To the only place I've ever wanted to be."

"I love you so much, Edward."

"Me too, baby. And those words will keep me awake until I can see them come out of your mouth. And your eyes. And feel them in my arms. You. Sleep, my beautiful girl. And dream them. I'll hear you... until I can."

"Goodnight, my beautiful boy."

"Goodnight, my _somewhere_. I'll see you soon."


	24. Chapter 24

**So... yesterday's update... SHAME ON YOU BABES! I'd never do it. Not to him. And not to her. And not to that little blessing. Never. I promise. Okay?**

**Chapter Twenty Four**

**Edward**

_I love you so much, Edward._

I replay the words again and again in my mind.

The words I fight my tired eyes to see.

To hear.

From her mouth.

At my ear instead of through a phone.

Words.

They're what keeps me going.

Her words.

And Charlie's.

He told me to hurry.

But that's not all he said.

He told me he loved me.

Like a son.

And that he was proud.

Of both of us.

And that he knew I would take care of her.

His little girl.

Love her.

Like he knew I always had.

And he told me he understood.

How I could love her so much that I would make mistakes.

When I was only trying to make her happy.

Make her proud.

He said I needed to love her more.

Enough to say no when I knew she was wrong.

Enough to be willing to make her mad.

I told him I did.

That I understood.

That I would be _tougher _with her when I had to be.

He laughed.

And wished me luck.

And said the sooner I figured that out the better.

That it would come in handy.

That kind of love.

I asked him what he meant.

He said I'd know soon.

But for now to know that _he_ was happy.

For us.

And grateful...

For me.

And how much I loved his little girl.

And I didn't understand all of those things he said...

Why he said them...

But when he told me to hurry I stopped thinking about them.

And when he hung up I called my dad.

My dad, who once said something I didn't understand, either.

_Try harder, Edward. There's more at stake than you know._

_What does that mean, Dad?_

_It means life is waiting for you, Edward. The life you made..._

_Come home and show them you're someone to believe in._

What did he mean?

The life I made?

I haven't made anything but a mess.

And the only thing waiting for me is Bella.

She loves me.

She trusts me.

She said she did.

Trust me.

When I asked her.

_You really trust me, Bella?_

_With our lives, Edward._

'Our lives'.

Hers and mine?

Is that what she meant?

It doesn't really make sense...

I'm happy that she trusts me with hers.

But my own?

That's an odd thing to say.

Isn't it?

It's...

Charlie said know he was happy. For _us_. That kind of love...

My dad...

Said there's more at stake than I know...

The life I made...

Show them...

_Them_.

'Our lives'...

_Theirs._

Oh my god...

_What if we're different? If _I'm _different? When you come back. How will you feel?_

If _she's_ different.

Bella...

She said _she_.

And I heard it...

But I thought she meant because of her dad.

Because she'd be heartbroken.

Hurting.

Sad.

Afraid.

And she _is_...

Afraid.

Of the pain.

And of her life that will soon be less full.

But that's not all she's afraid of.

She's afraid of how I'll feel...

Because it won't be.

Less full.

_Ours_ won't be.

Because she's not just her anymore.

She's _them_.

My Bella...

And my...

Our...

Oh my god.


	25. Chapter 25

**A few warnings... It's a little long for a drabble-type thing. I thought it would be too cruel to leave it short. It's cruel enough on its own. And before anyone gets nervous about what that means, keep in mind what I said yesterday. And grab the tissues while you have the chance. You might need them. Sorry for that.**

**Chapter Twenty Five**

**Edward**

I'm going to be a dad.

Holy shit...

I'm going to be a dad!

And Bella...

My Bella...

Bella's going to be a mom.

She'll be the best mom.

And she'll be so cute with a basketball belly.

Cute and wobbly.

Wobbly's not good.

She's already kind of wobbly...

I wonder if she'd let me wrap her in pillows?

My girl.

And _ours_.

Girl.

Or boy.

I wonder what it is...

Our little us.

The little us that she doesn't know I know about.

That she didn't tell me about yet.

Why didn't she tell me?

Is she really that afraid?

Of how _I'll _feel?

I wish she could see me now.

She wouldn't be afraid if she could see.

I wonder how long she's been afraid...

How long she's known...

How long they've _all _known?

And why I'm the last?

I'm kind of mad about that.

I should have been the first.

Or at least the second.

I bet my dad was the first.

Maybe the night she fell...

Oh no...

I really am going to insist she let me wrap her in pillows.

Them.

So they don't get hurt.

My baby and my _baby_.

Holy shit...

I'm going to be a dad.

**…**

**Bella**

"Good morning."

"Good morning. Did you sleep good?"

"Yeah. Did you sleep at all?"

"No."

"Edward... "

"I was too excited."

"About coming home?"

"Yes. And other things."

"What other things?"

"I'll tell you when I get there."

"When will that be?"

"Soon."

"How soon?"

"Really soon. I'm close."

"I'm glad. I can't wait to see you."

"Me too. How's your dad?"

"He was still sleeping when I checked on him when I first woke up. Then I called you. But I think I hear him now."

"Well, go ahead in case he needs you. I'm stopping for gas one last time. And to go brush my teeth so I can have a big kiss when I see you. So, be ready."

"I'm always ready."

"Good. Do you still want me to call you so you can see me coming down your street?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Be waiting."

"I am. Be careful. I love you."

"I love you, too, Bella."

He blows me a kiss.

And the line goes dead.

And my heart races.

Because he said he's close.

And my lips tingle.

In anticipation of his kiss.

The only kiss I've ever felt.

The only kiss I ever want to feel.

Forever.

And as I make my way to my dad's room, I'm thinking about the first time he caught us connected at the lips.

It was a Saturday.

Edward and I were supposed to go to the movies...

But my dad was mad at me for failing my math test the day before.

He said it was because I spent too much time with Edward and not enough time studying.

That wasn't why...

Edward tried to help me.

We studied and did homework together every day.

I just really suck at math.

My dad knew that, but he said I couldn't go to the movie _unless _all of the leaves got raked.

There were _a lot_ of leaves.

It should have been impossible.

He thought it was...

Which is why he said it.

And because he knew we'd try anyway.

And whatever we got done was less that he'd have to do.

Win-win for my dad.

Or so he thought.

We got them all done.

With a little help from Alice and Emmett.

Who didn't want to see Edward sulking about our movie-less Saturday.

After we'd finished, Edward and I were putting the rakes away in the shed.

I had a blister on my thumb.

He kissed it.

And then he kissed me.

It was an I-love-you-so-much-I-want-you-under-my-skin kind of kiss.

And my dad walked in...

And just wanted Edward's _skin_.

Needless to say, we did _not _go to a movie that Saturday...

"Good morning."

"Good morning, kiddo. What's got your face a mix of happy and terrified?"

"Edward is almost here."

"Well, that explains the happy. Why the terrified?"

"He said he wanted to kiss me when he got here... and I was just remembering the day you walked into the shed... "

His eyes narrow.

And then he smiles.

But just a small one.

"I let him live."

"Yeah. Thanks for that, by the way."

"Lucky punk."

"Dad!"

He winks at me and reaches for my hand.

I place it in his and sit down on the edge of the bed.

And really realize just how tired he looks.

How weak.

How beaten.

How _ready_.

_No, Dad, please..._

"So, he's almost here?"

"That's what he said," I whisper. Choke.

"I want you to be happy, honey. Okay? Be happy. Not sad."

"Dad... "

"And don't worry about anything. Carlisle and Esme will take care of everything."

"Please... "

"I love you, Isabella. Never forget that."

"I love you, too, Dad. And I _need _you. Please don't leave me... "

"I'm sorry, baby. But I know I'm leaving you in good hands."

"But-"

My phone rings.

It's Edward.

He really was close.

"Answer it, Bells. You've been waiting for this. _We've _been waiting."

"H-hello?"

"Bella? What's wrong, baby?"

"I... "

"Go."

I shake my head at my dad.

"Bella?"

"Are you h-here?"

"I'm at the corner, sweetheart."

"Go, Bells."

"_No_. Edward, I know what I said, but-"

"Isabella, I _need _you to go. Please."

"No. Dad, please don't d-do this... "

He takes the phone from my hand.

Squeezes my other in his.

"Edward. Stay where you are. She's coming."

I can hear Edward's protest. "Charlie, I don't think-"

"Edward... this is one of those moments. I need you to see that. Understand it. It's better for her."

"Fuck," I hear.

"I trust you," my dad says back and hands me back the phone.

I shake my head at him again and put the phone to my ear.

"Just c-come. You know where the k-key is hidden."

"No, Bella. Come outside."

"Edward, p-please... don't listen to h-him."

"Come outside, baby. I'll wait. And please be careful going down the stairs."

The _NO! _ I'm about to yell at both of them is silenced by my dad's pleading eyes.

He wants to let go.

And he doesn't want me to see.

But I don't want to leave him alone...

To die alone.

"Dad... "

"I understand, sweetheart. I do. But I want you to look ahead. Not back. Look at _life_. Hope. And dreams coming towards you. Can _you _understand that? For me? Please?"

I wipe my tears.

Nod my head.

And he smiles at me.

A big one.

"I'm so proud of you."

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, baby girl. Someday you'll know how much. Someday soon."

I lean down to kiss his cheek.

It's scratchy.

"We didn't even shave you yet."

"That's okay. I like it this way. Besides... I hear the ladies think a little stubbe is sexy. Wait'll your mom sees me... "

"She's been waiting a long time." _Since the day I was born..._

"She has. Like that boy of yours. Go, sweetheart. We've both kept them waiting long enough."

I nod.

And hug him so tight it could break him.

And, as weak as he is, he hugs me even tighter.

Before I get up and go to the door.

Where I turn around one last time.

Let him see me smile.

Which is what I know he wants.

And which makes him.

Another big one.

The last thing he wants me to see.

Before I turn and head towards my life.

"I'm coming, Edward."


	26. Chapter 26

**It's _somewhere_ you want, so I won't keep you.**

**Chapter Twenty Six**

**Edward**

Things are so simple when you're a kid.

Well...

Not every kid.

But they were simple for me.

Agony was having to wait until after dinner to eat the chocolate chip cookies my mom baked.

The chocolate chip cookies that were warm and gooey now but wouldn't be after dinner.

So we'd plead.

Beg.

Try to make her understand.

Tell her warm and gooey was important.

Life or death important.

Sometimes she gave in.

Sometimes she didn't.

But no matter what, she'd always say that chocolate chip cookies weren't life or death.

They were something we loved and something we wanted, but our hearts would never ache from not having them, and they wouldn't be filled from taking a bite.

We'd roll our eyes if we were cookie-less and nod agreeably if our mouths had been blessed with the warm and gooey concoctions.

Our lives were easy.

And Mom's serious words went in one ear and out the other.

Or maybe they didn't.

Because I still remember them.

I remember them now, while I sit at this corner and wait for Bella.

This is what agony feels like.

The waiting.

While I know she's down this street being denied something that will make her heart ache forever.

Being denied the rest of her life with her father.

She already had to grow up without her mother.

Her mother who died bringing her into this world.

Death that left behind life.

Bella's life wasn't easy like mine.

But she never complained.

Didn't sulk for hours if she had to wait until after dinner for cookies.

And didn't let me.

She learned to bake chocolate chip cookies for me.

And would let me have them as soon as they were cool enough that they wouldn't burn my mouth.

I loved her for that.

But I understand what my mom meant.

And why sometimes she made us wait.

And why Charlie told me to wait here.

This is nothing like chocolate chip cookies, I know...

But what Bella wants would hurt her.

Not like spoiling your appetite before dinner...

This isn't as simple as that.

_This_ is life or death.

And her father wanted her to choose life.

Wanted me to make her choose it.

And I know he's right.

It's better for her.

And that's why I'm sitting at this corner waiting for her to come out of her house.

Waiting to give her what she wanted.

Before she didn't.

Hoping that it can in some way fill her heart and take away any little bit of the ache.

But it's agony.

Sitting.

Waiting.

Making her come to me instead of going running to her.

It feels cruel.

Wrong.

Making her choose me.

Over her dad.

But I understand...

It's not me over him.

It's life over death.

Hello over goodbye.

And it's better for her.

Her who's still on the phone at my ear but not talking.

_I'm coming, Edward _was the last thing she said.

Before she didn't say anything.

Until now.

"I see you."

I see her, too.

Finally.

And I don't say a word.

Just race down her street.

As fast as I can.

And jump out of the car.

Faster.

Run to her.

While she runs to me.

Catch her in my arms.

That will never let go again.

_This_ is life or death.

Nowhere was like death.

To me.

Somewhere is my life.

This.

And hers.

Her.

Ours.

We chose _life_.

Together.

I'm holding my life in my arms.

My life whose trembling mouth now finds mine...

A kiss...

A kiss I've dreamed of.

But a kiss that I wouldn't have asked her for now.

A kiss I wouldn't have taken.

A kiss drenched in her tears.

Her pain.

Her choice.

That wasn't.

But is.

A kiss I didn't expect her to give me.

Not now...

But she is.

And she isn't just giving.

She's asking.

Pleading.

With this kiss.

This let-me-under-your-skin kind of kiss.

This keep-me-there kind of kiss.

This never-ever-let-me-go kind of kiss...

And I'll give it.

Give her this.

Give her anything.

Let her choose.

Because I didn't.

Couldn't.

For her.

But I can now.

Will.

Am.

Hers.

Her...

Life.


	27. Chapter 27

**Happy Easter! Or belated, since it may be tomorrow before anyone reads this. **

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

**Bella**

He looks so beautiful...

Edward.

Coming back.

Home.

Towards me.

Here.

In front of me.

Where I can see him again.

Smell him.

Touch him.

Feel him.

Him instead of pain.

For just a second.

A few seconds.

That I wish could last forever.

That I wish I could get lost in.

And never find my way out.

Never have to leave.

His arms.

His arms that are tight around me.

But that I want to be tighter.

Want to crush me.

To him.

Into him.

Pull me inside.

I want to be inside of him.

Edward.

Where I know everything is beautiful.

Everything is warm.

Everything is sweet...

He feels so good.

So much better than I feel.

And I want to climb inside.

And disappear.

In him.

In good.

In better.

For just a little while.

And forever...

But at least now.

And I can't help myself.

My need.

So I find his sweet mouth.

His soft lips.

His warm tongue.

That always make me feel good.

Better than good.

Better.

And I try to climb inside of him.

Through his mouth.

Beg him to let me in.

Let me feel.

Better.

And he doesn't say no.

This time.

Doesn't tell me I can't.

Be where I want to be.

Or that I shouldn't.

Not now...

He pulls me closer.

As close as he can.

As close as I can get.

As close as our bones will allow.

For now.

Until I can ask him to be inside of _me_.

Like the life he doesn't know he gave me.

Before one was taken away.

**…**

I knew my dad would be gone when I went back into the house.

Back up the stairs.

It's why he made me leave.

Made Edward make me.

Because he loves me.

My dad that left me.

And Edward who came back to me.

Me.

Who's all alone now.

But not.

There's life around me.

And inside of me.

Life that was created by love.

Like mine was.

I never got to see the love that made me.

Not together.

But I hope it's what they are now.

Together.

My dad had a smile on his face...

When we went into the room.

Edward holding me close.

Some of that smile was for me, I know.

But I think mostly it was for her.

My mom.

That left but couldn't come back like Edward did.

That was all alone.

And had to wait...

For him to come to her.

My dad.

Her love.

Her other half.

And the other half of me.

That made me.

She had to wait...

Wait until now.

Until he was sure that the life they made would be okay without him.

Their whole.

Me.

He chose life.

Mine.

He chose it every day.

Every day for eighteen years.

Every day until his life chose her own.

And he knew I wouldn't be alone.

Some of that smile was for me...

But mostly it was for her.

Because Edward came home.

And because he finally got to go...

Home.

To his life.

The one that's been waiting for him.

Since the day I was born.

I think of my dad on that day...

How he must have felt...

To have lost everything.

And been left with more.

Left with what took her from him.

The life that took hers.

His.

But that he loved.

Never blamed.

Gave everything to.

Everything he could.

Until he couldn't anymore.

I think of my dad...

That isn't here with me now.

But that I still feel.

Because he is.

Here.

Where he'll always be.

And I think that's how he did it.

How he made it through.

That day that she left him...

Because she didn't.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you to all of you who love these kids and their little story. It makes me warm. And in a cold world, I love you for that.**

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

**Bella**

The morning sickness I thought had spared me today has decided to make a late appearance.

A cruel and relentless appearance.

Moments after I finally convinced Edward to lay his weary head on the pillow and close his tired eyes.

Which he only did because I laid mine down beside him.

In his bed.

In his room.

Just outside of this bathroom door.

_His _bathroom door.

That opens because I forgot to lock it.

Or because I ran so fast and was too worried I wouldn't make it in time to care.

And now Edward's weary head rests on the pillow no more.

Because he's next to me.

My hair gathered gently in one of his hands.

And his other tenderly rubbing my back while I retch into his toilet.

Heave.

Purge.

Wishing the pain would leave my body like the contents of my stomach.

And the fear.

Of telling Edward that I messed up.

That the one little pill I was supposed to remember to take each day was too much for me.

And that I forgot.

Just once...

But that once was all it took to change our lives.

We've talked about kids.

Edward and I.

Little versions of him and me.

Little versions that I know he wants...

_Someday_.

But now I have to tell him that someday is here.

Sooner instead of later.

Now instead of when we're ready.

What if he's not ready?

Not that _I _am...

But there isn't any choice for me.

Being _ready _is the only one I believe in.

The only one my heart could make.

There's a little piece of Edward growing inside of me.

A little piece of us.

An innocent little piece.

That I already love with my whole.

Heart.

Being.

All of the parts of me that Edward loves with all of his.

And I hope that he will.

Love this little piece of us the same.

But I still can't help but be afraid.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asks as I close the lid.

I nod, though I want to say no.

And then I do.

Say no...

With a shake of my head instead of words.

Because I'm not.

But not for the reason he thinks.

Not _only_...

He doesn't know the whole.

Though I see something in his eyes.

His beautiful green eyes...

That I hope our little us will have instead of mine.

And his smile.

I see a smile in those eyes.

But not on his lips.

Not now.

His lips are a frown.

Because he knows I'm sad.

And because he thinks I'm sick.

And suddenly some of my fear slips away.

Because I know how much he loves me.

And I know it more when he hands me his toothbrush.

Because he loves me so much he doesn't care that I just threw up and my mouth is disgusting.

My mouth that he loves anyway.

My mouth that he says is ours, not just mine.

My mouth that he kisses sweetly as soon as I'm finished.

My mouth that opens wide when he drops to his knees and then kisses my stomach.

And that opens even wider as he lifts my t-shirt and whispers against my skin...

"Hi in there. This is Daddy. I'm here now. And I promise I'll never go anywhere ever again. And I can't wait to meet you... and take care of you... but right now I need your help. I need you to help me take care of your mommy. I need you to be nice to her while you're in there, okay? Be gentle. Because your mommy is beautiful. And sweet. And so very precious to me. And I love her so much I don't ever want her to hurt. Just like I love you."

Words that take my breath away...

And every last trace of my fear.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

**Bella**

"You know."

"Yes, Bella, I know."

"And you... you're not mad at me?"

"Mad at you? Mad at you for what?"

"For... for... because it's my fault."

He gives my stomach another kiss.

And then stands.

Takes my hand.

And leads me back to his room.

His bed.

Where he sits.

And pulls me down to do the same.

Across from him.

My hands in his.

"How is it your fault?"

"Because I forgot to take my pill one day."

"Everybody forgets things sometimes."

"But I forgot a big thing. And now there's a little thing... "

"We shouldn't call it a thing."

"Or an it."

"Definitely not. You really thought I was going to be mad at you?"

"Yeah. Or something."

"Is that why you didn't tell me? But you told everyone else?"

"I didn't tell anyone... Alice asked me for a tampon. She had the empty box in her hand. The box that I realized had been empty for too long... and then I fainted-"

"You fainted?"

"Yeah. And I guess Alice called your dad... because when I opened my eyes, he was there. And your mom. And my dad was out of his room... and they were all looking at me... and Alice must have told them about the empty box... your mom and dad... because they looked at me like they knew... and then they took me back to the hospital while Alice stayed with my dad... "

"Back?"

"Yeah... it was the same night I fell down the stairs. And your dad wanted to make sure... and that everything was okay... and it was... and _I_ was... am... "

"You knew for that long and you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want to tell you over the phone... I wanted to see your face. See what I'd done before you could say I didn't do anything wrong."

"You didn't."

"I'm sorry, Edward... "

"Don't say you're sorry. It will break my heart if you're sorry."

"But-"

"No, Bella. I'm here. And you didn't tell me, but I know. And you can see my face. You can see that I'm not sorry. And you can see that I'm not mad. And you can see that I love you. That I love you even more. Every second. Can't you? Tell me you can see, Bella."

I'd have to be blind not to see.

But I think I still would.

Even if I were.

"I can see."

"I love you, Bella. And I love us. And the one that we made. The one that's inside of you. Because you let _me _be. How could I ever be mad at you for that? And before you try to think of a reason, I _couldn't_. I'm _not _mad... I could never be mad. But I _am _a little jealous. Because our little us is where I want to be. In _my _place."

"I don't think it's exactly the same place. As your place. Little you took little me to their own place. To make little us. A place farther away. A place too far for you to go."

"Hey, I go _far_."

"You're cute."

"Say I do."

"You do," I laugh.

"And you?"

"What?"

"Would you say I do, Bella? To me?"

"Edward..."

"Would you?"

"You don't have to... "

"I want to."

"Because-"

"Because_ I love you_. No other reason, Bella. Because I've always loved you. And I've always wanted to. Forever. And now I love you more. And I want to more. More than ever. Do you? Will you? Marry me? Bella?"

"Edward... I... you... "

"I know it's not romantic. And I know it's not the right time. The right day... and I know I don't have a ring. And I should have a ring. The most beautiful ring in the world. For the most beautiful girl in the world... but I swear I'll get you one. And I'll do it better than this... I promise I will. But Bella... Will you? Will you anyway? Because even though I'm doing it wrong... I've never loved you more. And there's something right about that. I think. I know. And-"

"And you're the most beautiful boy in the world. And you could never do it more right. And I could never want more. Or different. Or better. Better doesn't exist. Not better than this. You... and me... and us... and yes."

"Yes?"

"Of course _yes_, you beautiful, silly boy."

"You're silly, too. You thought I was going to be mad. Or something."

"I know. I am."

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Do you still feel sick?"

"No. It's better now."

"I'm glad it's better."

"You made it better. I think. I know."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you one more thing? At not the right time, but maybe?"

"Yes, Edward. You can ask me anything, at any time."

"Can... can I be in my place?"

"Yes, my beautiful boy. Of course you can. As far as you can go."

"I love you, Bella. And I will... farther than ever... "

"I love you, too, Edward. _More_ than ever... "


	30. Chapter 30

**Did you miss them?**

**Chapter Thirty**

**Edward**

Bella is beside me when I wake.

Beside me in my bed.

And she's crying.

Quietly.

Because she thinks I'm asleep.

And she doesn't want to wake me.

She doesn't want me to hear her cry.

Hear her break.

I know this.

But I do.

I hear her.

And I can't pretend that I don't.

Can't pretend I don't know that she's sad.

Can't pretend she isn't hurting.

Breaking apart inside.

And can't let her.

The girl that I love.

Have loved most of my life.

And will love for the rest.

That I hope is long.

Endless.

The time I get to hold her.

Like now.

The time she lets me.

Like now.

She does.

She lets me.

Wrap her up.

Pull her in.

Hold her together.

And I will.

For as long as she will.

Let me.

Longer.

I'll keep her from breaking.

Keep her from coming apart.

I'll keep her.

And keep her whole.

Because she is _my_.

**…**

**Bella**

The funeral was today.

I had to say goodbye.

To my dad.

For the last time.

I'll never get to see him again.

Never get to see his smile.

Or hear his laugh.

Not even the ones at me.

The ones I didn't hear.

Almost.

The ones he tried to hold inside.

Like when I tripped.

Over my own feet.

Or nothing.

He'd try to hide it...

But it made him laugh.

I wonder if I made him laugh today.

When I tripped.

At his grave.

And almost fell into it.

I wonder if he could see.

And my mom.

If they both tried to hold in a laugh.

Hide a smile.

At their clumsy girl.

No one thought it was funny.

No one that was there.

No one that I know saw.

Everyone...

There were so many people.

That came to say goodbye.

To my dad.

And I'm sorry.

To me.

And give me those awkward sad smiles.

Their eyes full of pity.

Like after I tripped.

I know what they were thinking...

Poor girl.

What's going to happen to her?

Now that he's gone.

But they shouldn't feel sorry for me.

Because I'll be okay.

Nothing's going to happen to me.

Edward won't let it.

Like he didn't let me tumble into that hole in the ground.

The one where my dad is.

And that he'd just been lowered into when I tripped.

Edward caught me.

With arms that are always ready.

Always there.

And here.

Around me now.

Telling me that everything will be okay.

That I will.

Making me believe it.

And keeping me whole.

His clumsy girl.

That he's used to trying to keep from breaking.

Just in a different way.

And even though I hurt.

I know I'll be okay.

Better than okay.

Edward would never let me be anything else.

And even though I didn't have to ask him.

Have never had to.

Ask him to catch me.

Ask him to hold me.

There's one thing I want to ask him now.

Tell him.

One more thing I know I don't have to.

But do.

"Don't let go, Edward."

And know what he'll say before he says it.

With his arms.

That tighten.

Crush.

Glue.

And his mouth...

"Never, Bella."

That always makes me okay.

Better than okay.

Whole.

_His_.


	31. Chapter 31

**A bit short... I think? Or maybe not... but maybe you won't mind? If it is or it isn't? Bella doesn't.**

**Chapter Thirty One**

**Bella**

Edward is in the steam-filled bathroom when I slide back the shower curtain.

My towel is not.

Not where I left it.

Just like Edward.

Not where I left him.

At the table after we'd eaten breakfast.

Talking to his dad.

And his mom.

And Alice.

But not anymore.

Not there.

Like my towel that isn't here.

"Did you take my towel?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because you don't need it."

"But I'm all wet."

"I know."

"And cold."

"I can fix that. The cold. And the wet."

"How? You took my towel."

"I don't need it. To fix it. The cold. And the wet."

"Then how will you-"

He wraps his arms around me.

His dry.

Around my wet.

His warm.

Around my cold.

Him.

Around me.

And lifts me from the shower.

Carries me to the door.

Through it.

And into his room.

My dripping hair marking his path.

Ours.

And leaving a trail.

Wet.

On dry.

Like me when he lays me on his bed.

And dry.

On wet.

When he covers me with him.

Me...

Who's shivering.

And him...

Who's smiling.

A sweet smile.

With wicked mixed in.

"Nobody's home," he says, "Everybody left."

"Ohhh... " I say back, as his warm tongue licks cool drops from my skin...

And leaves a trail of shivers.

And heat.

All at once.

And keeps going.

Keeps leaving.

And taking.

Drinking my wet.

And making me more.

"You're a terrible towel," I say, "I'll never get dry like this."

"You better not," he says back, setting my wet to boil.

My cold that isn't anymore.

And my wet...

That waits.

Melts.

Rolls off my skin.

As his tongue chases...

Catches each heated drop before it can get away.

From my neck.

My shoulders.

My arms.

My nipples...

Hard under his soft.

Harder.

As he sucks.

Then blows.

Cold over warm.

We're reversed now.

He is me and I am him.

His.

His mouth...

I'm its.

And it's mine.

And moving.

Down my stomach.

Warming.

But not drying.

Stopping.

To whisper...

Cold over warm again.

"Nap time, little baby."

Melted.

Me.

My heart.

As he giggles.

Like a little boy.

That isn't anymore.

"You're a good daddy," I say, "Very responsible. Much better than you are a towel."

He chuckles.

Not at all like a little boy this time.

And dips his tongue into my belly button.

And then out.

Down.

Moves it.

Across.

Over.

Never taking it from my skin.

His.

We are one.

One warm.

One path.

A map he draws.

To somewhere.

Somewhere warmer.

Warmer for him.

And wet.

Wetter...

_Because _of him.

And for him.

His mouth.

That's for me.

The mouth that keeps me together.

Like his arms around my parted legs.

Tight.

Strong.

Making me feel safe.

Loved.

Like his mouth.

His sweet tongue.

With wicked intentions.

"Edward... "

To make me come apart.

The me that he holds together.

But wants to shatter.

For him.

Needs...

_Gets_.

My wet to his dry.

But not...

Not anymore.

Not at all...

And I'm shivering again.

Shaking.

Gasping.

And giggling.

Like a little girl.

As he smiles proudly at me.

Wickedly.

And covers my warm.

With him.

And my lips.

With his.

_Wet_.

"Now you need a towel," I say.

And stroke his hair.

That it's a miracle I left behind.

"No... " he says back.

Closes his eyes a moment.

And sighs.

Before giving me one more sweet smile.

That only is.

"All I need is you."


	32. Chapter 32

**Let's see what these adorable kids are up to today, shall we?**

**Chapter Thirty Two**

**Bella**

"No."

"Edward... "

"My wife is not going to work."

"I'm not your wife yet. And don't get all 50's on me. I-"

"I said no."

"I know you think you're the boss now, but you're not. I never agreed."

"I _am _the boss. The man is always the boss."

"That's so not true."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"I can't wait till we get married. And you have to say you'll obey me. In front of everyone."

"No one says that anymore."

"Yes they do."

"No they don't."

"You're going to."

"You wish."

"I do, and you are."

"You're very cute. But you're not the boss."

"Yes I am. I'm both."

I look from Edward's adorable face...

To the people responsible for it.

Carlisle and Esme...

Who are both laughing.

And who I think maybe I can get on my side.

"Please tell your son he's being ridiculous."

"I can't do that, Bella. Because he's right."

Esme rolls her eyes at her husband.

And the high five he exchanges with her son.

And then smiles at me.

"Men like to be in charge, Bella. It's their nature. And it makes them feel important. To _think _they are. And letting them think it is easier than arguing with them about it. Choose your battles, honey. And know that Cullen men are kind _commanders_."

And now she winks at me.

And it's Carlisle who rolls his eyes this time.

And then laughs.

And kisses his wife's cheek.

Before stacking the deck against me.

"Edward _is _right, though. You don't need to work, Bella. Not now. The pregnancy will be hard enough on you, and exhausting enough, without adding to it. A lot of women don't have the luxury of getting to relax and be taken care of through this time - which, if I know my son, is all his words really meant - but you do, and there's no reason you shouldn't let him give you that."

"I promise I'll be a nice boss," Edward whispers in my ear.

Before getting up and pulling the ottoman in front of me.

And putting a pillow on top.

And putting my feet on top of that.

And sitting back down on the loveseat beside me.

And taking my hand.

And kissing it sweetly.

And looking at me with his best 'boss' face.

"No work for you. And now that that's settled, let's talk about _vows_... "

And I laugh...

Because he really is cute.

And maybe letting him be the boss...

Or _think _he is...

Really wouldn't be so bad.

For me.

Like when he decided I didn't need my towel.

_Nice _boss indeed...

**…**

I don't have a job.

But Edward does.

At least for the rest of the summer.

He's working with Emmett.

Working with his hands.

When he isn't coming home to check on me five times a day.

Five is what it's down to.

At least what it was today.

Because Emmett said he would fire him if he left one more time.

Emmett is a carpenter.

A really good one.

And a really good boss.

And brother.

To Edward.

And to me.

Brother, not boss.

And a good husband to Rose.

Who lets him think he's in charge.

And told me she told him she'd be a really good wife if he allowed Edward to be a really good daddy-to-be and dote on me.

And so he is.

Letting him.

Five times a day.

At least today.

And it really is cute...

Really really cute.

And Edward is getting really really good at his job.

He's a natural.

With his hands.

Emmett says he has a gift.

But I already knew that.

About Edward's hands.

That are rubbing my feet in his lap.

Because even though he worked all day...

Except when he wasn't.

When he was here...

Doting on me...

Doting on me is still what he wanted to do when he came home.

Where he thinks he's the boss.

And where I'll let him.

Think it.

And be it.

Because so far...

Carlisle and Esme were right.

And this battle surrendered...

Not fought...

Is one won for me.


	33. Chapter 33

**Sorry about yesterday. I had trouble switching gears from another story I was working on. That isn't usually a problem for me, but yesterday it was. My brain apologizes.**

**Chapter Thirty Three**

**Edward**

"Was I snoring?"

"No. You don't snore."

"I don't?"

"No."

"Good."

"But you talk."

"I talk in my sleep?"

"Yeah."

"What do I say?"

"Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Stuff about me."

"It's because I dream about you. When I close my eyes."

"Are they good dreams, Bella? About me?"

"Was it good talk? About you?"

"Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Yeah."

"I don't remember dreaming anything bad. Did I say something bad?"

"You said 'Don't leave me'."

"Oh."

"But you wouldn't say it when you were awake. You wouldn't say it when you knew I could hear you. You _didn't _say it when I could not do it."

"I wanted to."

"But you didn't."

"I didn't want to be selfish."

"So you made me."

"I made a mistake."

"And made me make one. You made me leave you. And even though I'm here now, you still dream about it."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"So am I, Bella. I'll always be sorry."

"So will I... but I'll always be glad you came back."

"I was always going to."

"I know that. I never didn't know that."

"Never?"

"I was stupid for a day. I'm hormonal. Hormonal makes me stupid. It's not my fault."

"Did my mom tell you to use that excuse?"

"No. She just said it was why I cried when I burned your toast."

"You cried when you burned my toast? What toast? You've never burned my toast."

"I never _gave _you burned toast. I threw it away and made you new toast. After I cried. Because I'm hormonal. And stupid."

"You're not stupid."

"You thought I was stupid when I thought you were with that girl."

"No I didn't. I thought you were crazy. That you could think that."

"I was."

"Don't ever think that about me again."

"I won't. And I'm sorry that I did."

"I know you are. And I'm sorry that I ever went to nowhere so you could."

"I know."

"I don't ever want to be sorry ever again, Bella."

"Neither do I. Sorry doesn't feel good. Why we are."

"No... but _you _feel good."

"You feel better."

"I like waking up with you."

"I can't believe your parents are letting us sleep in the same bed."

"They did before."

"They did not!"

"Yes they did. I can't believe you don't remember."

"Remember what? They never let us before."

"Yes they did. You just forgot. Maybe your hormones are making you forgetful, too."

"When did they?"

"At Disneyland."

"Disneyland? But... oh."

"You wanted me."

"I was six. And I just wanted not to get kicked. Alice kicks in her sleep. And hogs blankets."

"Yeah, that's why you climbed into my bed. At the most magical place on earth."

"It was!"

"Admit it. You wanted me."

"I wanted your _blankets_."

"And what was under them."

"I. WAS. SIX."

She's making her angry face.

Her angry face with its puckered lips.

Her puckered lips that I touch with my finger.

That I want to touch with something else.

Really.

Really.

Bad.

"I like waking up with you, Bella."

She kisses the tip of my finger.

And reaches under the blankets.

And into my shorts.

"Me too. And under your blankets."

"The ones you wanted."

"You shared them with me. Again. But I'm not six now. And now I _do _want what's under them."

"Me too. You."

And she does.

Get under them.

Further.

Crawls underneath.

Takes me out.

And puts me in.

Her mouth.

That isn't angry.

And never was, really...

But definitely isn't now.

And she definitely isn't six anymore...

But she's in my bed again.

And Disneyland's got nothing on her...

My Bella.

And her mouth...

The most magical place on earth.

Bella's mouth that talks when she sleeps.

And when she's awake.

In her sleep it told me not to leave.

But now...

It tells me how happy she is that I'm back.

How sorry she is that she made me go.

Ever let me.

And how she never will again.

Tell me to.

Or let me.

Go.

Because she's happy.

Really.

Really.

Happy.

That I...

Came.

_Home_.

**... WYCYE ...**

**_Home_. HeHeHe... **


	34. Chapter 34

**I was total fail again yesterday with this... it seems getting For Better or For Worse posted was all my scattered brain could take. My apologies. Again. But for those of you who came here for the angst factor, you might want to head over there. It's going to be brutal. And I know how much some of you like brutal. Now, for what won't be today... Who wants to meet Emmett?**

**Chapter Thirty Four**

**Edward**

"Are you going to wear that stupid grin on your face all day?"

"Yes, Emmett, I probably am. And every other day. For the rest of my life. So, get used to looking at it."

"This is about Bella, isn't it?"

"It's always about Bella. But now I get to go to sleep with Bella. And wake up with Bella. Everyday. And-"

"You got some this morning! That's why you're grinning like that! Lucky little shit."

"_Got some? _Why do you talk like that? I woke up next to the girl I _love_. And that loves me. _That's _why I'm grinning. Because I'm _happy_. Idiot."

"I talk like that because I'm a _guy_. And so are you, _sappy_. Sometimes. And today you're a guy who's happy because you woke up and _got some_ from the girl you love. And that loves you. I'd be grinning like that, too, if I woke up and got some. But all I got this morning when I tried to was 'Don't look at me without my makeup!' So, then I tried to roll her over, cuz looking at her really wasn't the point anyway-"

"You're an asshole, Emmett."

"That's exactly what Rosalie said. Right before she smacked me and kicked me out of bed. The honeymoon is definitely over... for me. Now, what about you?"

"What about me? We're not even married yet."

"Exactly. What are you waiting for? You already asked her. And she already said yes, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, what's the holdup? Don't tell me you're wussing out on her."

"Of course I'm not. But I always thought when Bella and I got married that everything would be perfect. And it already isn't... "

"You just did something out of order, little brother, that's all. It doesn't mean it still can't be perfect."

"I don't mean the baby. I just mean... well, Charlie isn't here to walk her down the aisle. That's going to make her sad. And I didn't have a ring when I asked her... I still don't have one. And I didn't do anything special like I should have... like I always thought I would. I just _asked_. And-"

"And she said _yes_. Because Bella doesn't care about those things. Yes, it will probably be sad for her that Charlie can't walk her down the aisle, but the rest... Edward, Bella's perfect is _you_. And she's yours. She's not like Rose, who gave me _rules _to follow about the ring. Who wanted two years to plan some ridiculous fancy 'perfect' expensive wedding. Who, when we thought she was pregnant six months before it, threatened to cut my dick off for ruining it...

"Bella is _Bella_. The girl that you love. And that loves you. And that will probably never call you names, or smack you, or kick you out of your bed, or threaten your manhood."

"She wouldn't."

"And she's the girl... _your_ girl... that would probably marry you standing in the middle of a mud puddle barefoot with a twist tie on her finger."

"She would."

"So, what are you waiting for, little brother? Marry your _perfect _girl."

She is.

My perfect girl.

Who _did_ say yes.

And who _would _marry me in the middle of a mud puddle barefoot with a twist tie on her finger.

But who deserves more.

"Would you help me with something, Emmett? For Bella?"

"Of course I will, Edward. For Bella. And for you... my perfect little brother."


	35. Chapter 35

**This one might hurt a little.**

**Chapter Thirty Five**

**Bella**

I spent the morning and early afternoon going through my father's things.

While Edward was at work.

Where he still is.

While Alice and Esme are here with me.

Helping me.

Pack up a man's life.

My dad's life.

His things.

His clothes...

I'm donating most of them.

Keeping some.

Wearing one of his flannel shirts now.

Over my own.

Even though it's hot.

Too hot.

But too cold without him in this house.

I've never been here without him.

And maybe I'm not now...

But it's not enough.

His presence.

Not solid enough.

Not solid at all.

I can't see it.

Him.

Can't touch him.

Can't rest my head against his shoulder as he watches the game and tries to explain to me for the millionth time what a double play is.

I never even cared...

But now that he isn't here to try to make me understand...

And never will be again...

I want to know.

Want to know why it made him jump out of his seat and yell at the tv.

Excited cheers if it was his team.

Others if it wasn't.

I want to know why.

I know Edward will tell me.

Explain it again.

For the millionth time just like my dad.

He'll explain it patiently.

Until I understand.

Like he tried to do with math.

But unlike that...

I won't give up until I do.

This time.

Won't decide it doesn't matter.

This time.

That it's pointless.

This time.

Because this isn't pointless to me.

Not anymore.

It matters.

And I wish I'd tried harder...

To understand.

Something that my dad felt passionate about.

When he was still here.

Even though it's just a game.

He loved it.

And fishing on the lake.

Settled for the joy he got from it.

And from me.

Didn't ask for more.

Didn't ever complain about what he didn't have.

What he lost.

For me.

What he never tried to replace.

What he said he couldn't.

Because some things weren't replaceable.

They were just too special.

It's what he said.

About my mom.

What he also told me a million times.

I didn't really understand it.

Not completely.

How the memory of her was enough.

And the presence of me.

But I understand it now.

Learned it the hard way.

When he left.

My dad that no one could ever replace.

The quiet he left behind.

It's too quiet in this house.

Without him.

And too cold.

Even though I'm too hot.

And I feel too alone.

Even though I'm not.

And I can't be here like this.

Where he is but he isn't.

Not right now.

But I can't get myself to move.

To get up.

Not alone.

And it's why he waited until I wasn't to go.

Waited until what I needed was here.

What I needed and what I need now.

To pick me up.

When I'm not strong enough to do it alone.

"Edward?"

I whisper his name through my phone.

And through my tears.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"I'm at my h-house. My d-dad's... "

"Oh, Bella... why did you go without me?"

"I thought I could d-do it... without y-you. Your m-mom and Alice are h-here... b-but... "

"But you need me?"

"Y-yes. I n-need you, Edw-ward. I need you to c-come. I-"

"Hold on, sweetheart... Just for a few minutes. I'm coming. I'm already on my way."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty Six**

**Edward**

I didn't go running home to check on Bella countless times today.

If I had, I'd have known where she was.

And what she was doing.

I didn't check on her.

Because I was doing something _for _her.

Doing something for her out of love.

Something I thought would make her happy.

And because of that...

Because I let it distract me...

Take over my brain...

She ended up lost.

Lost and hurting and needing to be found.

Like I was when she made me go nowhere.

She did it out of love.

She thought it would make me happy...

In the end.

And she let it take over her brain.

The selfless thing she tried to do.

For me.

That only got me lost and hurting and needing to be found.

My found was her telling me she needed me.

I wouldn't be until she did.

Or until she came.

But I knew the words would be what came.

Instead of her.

The I need you.

Like she told me a few minutes ago.

I know it's not the same...

But I understand how something can take over your brain.

And your heart.

Distract you so much that you end up hurting.

And hurting the one you did it for.

When you were only trying to be selfless.

Do something you thought was special.

For the someone you love.

I wish there were two of me.

For Bella.

One that could do all of the things I want to do for her.

Do all of the things I need to do to take care of her.

And one that could just be with her.

Always.

Never leave her.

Never let her out of my sight.

Or my arms.

I'd be that one.

The one that got to hold her and touch her and see every move she made.

Hear her every breath.

And her every thought.

I wish I could...

Hear her thoughts.

Climb inside of her head.

Then I would know when she needed me before she said it.

Know before she had to.

Stop her before she made the wrong choice.

Like then.

And today.

She shouldn't have gone back to the house without me.

She didn't go alone...

And I'm glad she knew she couldn't...

And I know she was trying not to need me too much...

But she made the wrong choice.

Because she made mine for me.

And because I let myself get distracted trying to make her proud of me.

Of what I would do for her...

But this is like what Emmett said about the mud puddle.

She's _Bella_.

My Bella.

And all she really needs is me.

The one who finds her in the middle of her father's bed.

His bed covered with his things.

His most precious thing in the center.

And mine.

Precious and priceless and broken.

And waiting to be put back together.

I know my mom and Alice have been trying.

They're right here with her.

Their eyes filled with tears for her.

Their arms around her.

But they can't.

They don't know how to hold her.

And they move aside.

For the ones that do.

And I scoop her into mine.

And she lets me.

Lets go of the grip she had on the blankets.

The one that was white with its desperation to hold on.

Hold herself together.

Until she didn't need to.

Until she found her glue.

Until it came to her.

The glue that she knows will hold her.

Seal her.

And lets.

She lets herself fall.

Collapse.

Into me.

Lets me start to fill in the cracks.

Lets me carry the fragile pieces of her from this room.

To the one down the hall.

Hers.

Where I'll put her back together again.

One fragile, precious piece at a time.

In this place she wanted to be.

But shouldn't have come to without me.

I won't tell her that again.

Won't ask her why she did again.

She knows she made a mistake.

Knows she made herself break.

And I know she's sorry.

And that sorry hurts.

And thankfully...

Proudly...

I know...

In the end...

That she knows she can count on me.

Rely on me...

No matter what...

To put her back together again.

And take her pain away.

Her sorrow.

Her hurt.

Hers that is mine.

Now.

And her...

That is wrapped in me.

Now.

And that will always be.

Because she needs me.

To distract her.

Take over her brain.

Let her get lost.

And be found.

In the same place.

She...

Who in the end...

And the beginning...

Broken...

Or whole...

Right...

Or wrong...

And everywhere and everything in between...

Is and will always be...

Bella.

The most precious thing in the world to me.


	37. Chapter 37

**Nothing yesterday. And short today. Sorry. But I do want to say... thank you for those of you who still love this little story. It seems most decided they didn't anymore. I'm a little sad about that... but happy that the rest of you are still here. Somewhere. With us.**

**Chapter Thirty Seven**

**Bella**

I wake up in my room.

Not in the room that's mine now...

Edward's room...

I wake up in my own.

My old.

With my everything.

Wrapped around me.

Edward.

Because he came.

When I called him.

He came running.

When I needed him.

Because I did something I shouldn't have done.

Something we'd discussed.

Something he said we'd do together.

When I was ready.

I did it without him.

I tried to...

But it was too hard.

Because I wasn't ready yet.

And because I tried to do it without Edward.

It would have been hard enough with him.

I didn't need to make it harder.

Harder on myself.

And harder on him.

Who came running...

To try to make it easier.

Pick up the pieces of the mess I made.

Of myself.

Because I didn't listen.

The girl that he loves.

That he can't bear to see broken.

He came to fix me.

Put me back together.

With his arms.

And his hands.

And his sweet words.

And his love.

Always his love.

His love that I feel around me.

And that I see...

In his beautiful green eyes...

That are open and looking at me.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't be sorry."

"I should have listened to you."

"Maybe you will next time."

"I wish I had this time."

"I know. It's okay."

"Did you sleep?"

"No."

"What have you been doing?"

"Watching you."

"Watching me sleep?"

"Yes."

"How boring."

"Never."

"You love me too much."

"You like that I do."

"I do."

"I know."

"I love you too much, too."

"I know that, too. That you do."

"I like that you do. And I'm sorry that I give you stress."

"You don't."

"You can say that I do."

"I will if you do, but you don't. I just worry. It's different."

"I don't want you to worry. I'll be okay."

"You will. I won't let you be anything else, Bella. I promise."

"You take good care of me, Edward."

"It's my job."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. And I like it."

"And are really good at it."

"I'm glad you think so."

"I do."

"Good. Now, I think we should go. Home."

"Okay."

"You need to eat."

"And feed the baby. I didn't take good care of us today."

"It's okay. I'll help you."

"I love you, Edward. I promise I'll do better tomorrow."

"I know you will, sweetheart. Because I'll be with you."

"You will?"

"Of course I will. Tomorrow's Saturday. Saturday is Bella day."

"Isn't that everyday?"

"Of course it is. But tomorrow I don't have to work. And I can celebrate it right."

"I'm going to let you."

"You don't have a choice."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"I do too."

He tries his best to make an angry face.

And I try my best not to laugh at how cute it is.

As he climbs from my bed.

And I follow.

And smack him on the butt.

That's also really cute.

Before I jump on his back.

And kiss him on the neck.

"It's _you_."


	38. Chapter 38

**This is a long one. But maybe none of you will mind...**

**Chapter Thirty Eight**

**Edward**

I lean over and kiss the top of Bella's head and wrap my arms around her.

"What have you been doing out there?" she asks from the couch in front of me, where I told her not to move from.

"Something for you."

"For me?"

"Of course for you."

"What is it?"

"A surprise."

"Can I see it?"

"Yeah. It's ready now."

She puts down her book and I lift her up and over the back of the couch and set her gently on her feet.

"I need my shoes," she says.

"No, you don't need them," I tell her, "But you have to close your eyes."

"But if I close my eyes I won't be able to see."

"You only have to close them until I tell you you can open them."

"Okay."

"Close them _now_."

"Okaaay. _Bossy_."

She sticks out her tongue and closes her eyes.

"Don't tease me, Bella. Or you might get a different surprise."

"Well, if I like the one you have for me, maybe I'll _let_ you give me a different one."

She reaches down and rubs her hand over the front of my jeans and smiles, eyes still closed.

Because she found exactly what she knew she would.

And for a second, mine close, too.

Because of what she's making it now.

What she found.

But a second is all it is.

All I let it be.

Because I love her.

Really really love her.

And that's why I remove her hand from my now painfully hard cock - that really really loves her, too - and clasp it in mine.

"Let's go," I say with a sigh.

"You must be _really _excited about my surprise," she says with a giggle, and lets me lead her through the house.

"I am."

"Then I am, too."

"Good. And don't try to peek. I mean it."

"Edward, I have enough trouble walking when I can see where I'm going... doing it with my eyes closed is just asking for disaster."

"But I'm right here. I have you. I'd never let you fall, Bella. Don't you know that?"

"Yes. I know."

"I hope so."

"I do."

"Just trust me, okay? Don't be afraid." _Like on the ferris wheel... when we were stuck at the top... before I kissed you._

"I trust you with everything, Edward. It's why I decided to let you be the boss."

"You didn't decide to _let _me be the boss, Bella. You were just unable to deny my power any longer."

"Yeah," she giggles, "That's definitely it."

"It is."

"Whatever you say, baby."

"Really? _Whatever _I say?" I ask excitedly as I lead her out the back door.

She giggles again.

And tries to distract me from the subject.

And I try to distract myself from something else. _Damn, that hurts..._

"Can I look now?" she asks, as she feels the grass beneath her bare feet.

The grass that I made sure there were no sticks in before I went to get her.

Made sure there was nothing that could hurt her.

"No."

"But we're outside. Where you were."

"I know. But you have to be patient."

"Okay. I'll be patient."

"Thank you. Even though you already have been."

"No I haven't."

"Yes you have."

"Not very."

"Yes. Very. Completely."

"How?"

"You'll see."

"But I can't."

"You can now. Open your eyes, sweetheart."

She opens them.

Sees her surprise.

And then looks at me.

And squeezes my hand.

With tears in her eyes.

"Did you make that for me?"

I nod.

"Emmett helped... but yeah. I made it. For you."

She purses her lips together.

I know she's trying not to cry.

"You even remembered that it was green."

It's a replica of our ferris wheel carriage.

The one I first kissed her in.

The one we rode in every summer after.

Kissed in...

The one she always chose...

I made it for her.

Copied it.

As close as I could remember...

And I think it's exactly the same.

Though made of wood instead of metal.

Wood that I painted green.

As close as I could get it.

To the color of my eyes.

The reason I know she always chose it.

The reason she doesn't know I know.

But I do.

And I wanted to give it to her.

This...

Now...

Because we didn't ride in it this summer.

Our ferris wheel carriage.

Didn't kiss in it.

Because I wasn't here.

I had already left.

I was nowhere when the fair came to town this time.

To my somewhere.

And I know she didn't go.

Didn't want to without me.

And I want to give her back some of what she missed.

And my wish of what's to come.

"Of course I did," I tell her.

And lead her through the path of lights.

The lanterns I placed along the grass.

Forming an aisle of sorts.

Like the one I want to see her walk down to me.

Soon.

As soon as possible...

But for now I lift her onto the platform it sits on.

Our ferris wheel carriage.

Green with a red and white striped cushion.

Just like ours.

And she turns and reaches for me.

Holds her hand out to me.

And I take it and jump up beside her.

Lift the wooden rail so she can climb into the seat.

Sit down beside her when she does and put it back down.

The rail.

It's important.

Because it locks her in with me.

Helps me protect her.

And for another reason.

That I wait for her to see.

Answer.

The words I carved into it...

_Bella, will you marry me?_


	39. Chapter 39

**Sorry for the extra wait. I had document issues. It didn't save... but I rewrote it. I hope it's worth it.**

**Chapter Thirty Nine**

**Edward**

We've been sitting in our carriage for ten minutes.

Maybe twenty.

Maybe even longer.

And Bella still hasn't seen the words I carved for her.

Or the ring that's burning a hole in my pocket.

Because Bella loves her surprise.

And me.

And my lips.

That she hasn't stopped kissing since I sat down beside her.

A surprise for me.

In my surprise for her.

Where she's never kissed me before.

Bella's kissed me...

She kisses me all of the time.

Or does other things.

When she wants to.

I don't always have to initiate.

Or ask.

Like a lot of guys complain about.

But she's never kissed me in our ferris wheel carriage.

She always waits for me to kiss her.

Kind of like a game.

She acts scared.

Even if she's not.

Because she was the first time.

And the first time was special.

To her.

And to me.

And this time is, too.

This first.

It's special.

To me.

And to her...

Who's mouth is answering the question she doesn't even know I've asked.

She's saying yes.

Even though she already did.

When I didn't ask in a special way.

And even though I know she will...

Now...

When I am...

Say yes...

When she sees...

I like the way she's telling me now.

And the way she giggles breathlessly when she has to break for air.

And how beautiful she looks with her flushed skin.

And her pink rose petal mouth.

That's swollen.

From mine.

And the way she smiles at me with it.

And runs her fingers through my hair.

And looks into my eyes.

"I love you. And I love my surprise... if you don't already know."

"I love you, too. And mine. And your mouth."

"I know you do. Love me. And my mouth. And you can definitely give me that _other _surprise... "

Her hand is on my jeans again.

And her mouth is at my ear...

"Maybe we could move this into our room... and you could sit in it... and I could show you how much I really love it. And you. And how much I'm never afraid with you. I want to show you. We'll have to lift the rail, of course... but I don't think _you'll _be afraid without it."

Remember what I said? About Bella having really good ideas? God, I love her brain...

And maybe we could...

Maybe I will...

I would love to...

But there's another surprise I want to give her first.

Want her to see.

I'm dying for her to see.

Even more than I am for her idea.

That's for me.

Like mine.

That isn't just for her.

It's so much for me, too.

And I can't wait anymore.

So I smile at her.

And take a deep breath.

And her hand from my jeans.

Clasp my fingers around hers.

Place our hands on the rail.

Hers under mine.

And guide her thumb over my carved wish.

That I want her to grant me more than any other.

And she feels it.

And her eyes move slowly from me...

To it.

And then fill with tears.

That she doesn't try to hold in this time.

As she stares at it.

Smiles at it.

And then at me.

And opens her pretty pink mouth to answer it.

Her pretty pink mouth that I place my finger on.

"Wait."

While I lift the rail.

And then myself from our carriage.

And get down on my knee in front of it.

In front of her.

_One _knee.

For her.

Like she wants to do.

With two.

For me.

And I can't help but still smile at her idea...

As I pull the ring from my pocket.

The ring I wrapped in a pretty pink rose petal.

To protect it.

Like the petals that hold the diamond atop the simple platinum band.

For her.

The petal-nestled diamond that I unwrap now.

With my fingers I took from her pretty pink rose petal mouth.

Because I'm not afraid.

For it.

Or for me.

Or for where it's about to be.

"Now?" she asks.

"Yes," I answer, "And always, I hope. Will you, Bella? Marry me? And never be afraid with me? Forever?"

The tears fall down her cheeks.

Her cheeks that are pink with happiness.

And her mouth...

Pink...

For me...

Sweet...

That gives me everything I ever dreamed of...

Always.

And now...

With a tearful whisper softer than rose petals...

"Yes, Edward. I will. And I won't. Ever. And never. And always. And forever. _You_."

**... WYCYE ...**

**That boy...**

**Thank you, always, SM... for giving us them. And thank you, Erica Courtney, for the ring. That couldn't be more perfect. For them. And if anyone wants to see it... the ring... I'll post the link on my fb momentarily. It's even called Bella. The ring. Which I didn't even see until after I'd decided it was the perfect one. How perfect is that?**


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty**

**Bella**

"Edward, do you love me?"

"_What_? Yes. Of course I love you. What's wrong, Bella?"

"Would you still love me if I wasn't me?"

"I'll always love you. No matter what. And you could never not be you."

"Trust me... I could be. If they get their way."

"Who, baby? What way?"

"Alice. And Rose. And _their_ way. Every way I don't want."

"I don't know what that means, Bella. Tell me, sweetheart."

"They don't want you to marry me."

"_What_? Yes they do. Of course they do."

"No. They don't. They want you to marry Barbie."

"Barbie? I don't want to marry Barbie. I want to marry you."

"Tell them that."

"I will."

"You better do it fast."

"What are they trying to do to you?"

"Make me get highlights. And a spray tan. And a big stupid frilly dress. And really high heels... that I'd break my neck in. And _stuff _waxed... "

"That's _my _stuff! I like it the way it is! And my pretty hair, that I like _brown_. And my pale skin, that I _don't_. And my neck, that I don't want broken. You're _my _girl, and you're _perfect_, just the way you are. And you can wear whatever _you _want. To _our _wedding. Do you hear me?"

"Yes."

"What was that?"

"Yes!"

"That's my girl. Be tough, Bella."

"I will."

"Punch them both in the nose if you have to."

"Okay. I will. If I have to."

"Good."

"Do you think I'll have to?"

"You might. Do you think you need me to come? I will, you know."

"I know. And no. I can do it. I just needed to hear your voice. I love you."

"I love you, too, Bella. I mean it. Just the way you are."

"I know. And I love that you do."

"Good."

"Edward?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Thank you. I knew I could count on you."

"You can, Bella. Always."

**…**

My stomach hurts.

And I think I may pee my pants.

From laughing so hard.

At Edward.

And Emmett.

Who just gave Alice and Rosalie highlights.

During our cookout dinner.

In the backyard.

On the night after the day that they tried to give them to me.

They didn't...

I was tough.

And made it home with my brown hair still in its boring brown glory.

And my pale skin still pale.

And with no stuff waxed.

And without a big frilly dress or stupid high heeled shoes that would break my neck.

Without any dress or shoes at all...

But I'm not worried about that.

Because Esme is taking me tomorrow.

To get whatever _I _want.

Because I didn't get what I wanted today.

Today that is now tonight.

Where everyone is laughing.

Because Edward, and even Emmett, thought that Alice and Rose needed to be taught a lesson.

For trying to change me.

Alice's short dark hair is dripping with mustard highlights.

Rose's long blonde with ketchup.

And it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.

As I sit laughing and holding my stomach and trying not to pee my pants...

As the condimented girls chase their stylists around the backyard.

During our cookout dinner.

Where I sit with none.

With nothing changed.

But that the miserable day turned into a night that's not.

Because Edward loves me.

Really and truly loves me.

Just the way I am.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty One**

**Bella**

"_That_?"

"Yes, Alice. _This_."

"That is not what a wedding dress is supposed to look like, Bella. It's your _wedding_, not a Sunday tea."

"Yes, Alice, _my _wedding. And Edward's. Not yours."

"Well said, Bella," Esme says, smiling at me while she covers her daughter's mouth. "And I think it's darling on you. Edward will love it."

"I agree," Rosalie adds, "He will. And it's definitely darling. And _you_, unlike that mermaid dress I tried to shove you in. I'm really sorry about yesterday, Bella. Thank you for letting me come today."

"Of course, Rose. And thank you. Both."

Both. Not all three.

Because Alice doesn't share their feelings about the dress I've chosen - a strapless knee length A-line organza with satin bands and scattered flowers.

I don't know how _me_ it is...

No _dress _is really me...

But it's cute.

And I don't feel stupid in it.

And it can't trip me.

On my way to Edward.

Who I really think _will_ love it.

So, what more could I want?

Nothing.

But _Alice_...

We all shake our heads as, even as Esme drags her away, she's still trying to pull long, frilly dresses off of racks and throw them at me.

Esme told me not to let her come.

So did Edward.

After yesterday.

But she was pouting and promised to behave.

Today.

So I gave in.

And now that she got her way, she's not.

Behaving.

When will I learn?

**…**

I really, really, REALLY shouldn't have let her come.

Alice...

Or drag us into this 'lingerie' shop.

That I want out of.

Now.

Before now.

Before we came in.

Before it was built.

Or filled with...

THIS STUFF!

"I feel sick."

"You do not. And don't even try that 'I'm innocent' shit, Bella, clearly you're not _that_, either."

Esme and Rosalie have been taking turns dealing with Alice, and it's Esme that smacks her this time.

And switches the focus off of me.

"Judging by your _selections_, Alice, neither are you. Though, I don't know about _sick_."

She hurriedly hides her handful of 'accessories' behind her back and tries to look sweet. "I don't know what you're talking about, Mommy."

"I think we should leave here," Rosalie says, putting her arm around me, "Bella doesn't feel well... " She snatches something out of Alice's hand. "But we should definitely get _these_... " She twirls a pair of handcuffs around her finger. "We can use them to cuff Alice to the parking meter for the rest of the day."

"I guess it's nicer than putting her in the trunk like Edward suggested when I talked to him." _Though perhaps not better..._

"My little brother is going to get it!" she yells, putting her hand on her hip, "Which is exactly what he wants to do on your wedding night. So, pick something sexy, Bella. Then we can leave."

Or we could leave now.

Because it's my day we're shopping for.

And my night that we're not.

Edward's and mine.

Ours.

That I'm not sharing.

Or letting anyone see.

Any part of.

I'll come back by myself.

"I'll be outside."

And when I get there...

Outside...

I find Edward.

Who's supposed to help me choose our cake.

A few blocks down.

But who must have seen his mom's car parked here on his way there.

Edward, who pulls me into him.

And glances at the store behind me and raises his eyebrows hopefully.

"I didn't get anything," I say.

And his face falls just a little.

"Yet," I add.

Hoping to lift it again.

Like he does me.

Literally.

As he gives me a face-splitting smile.

And a heart-stopping kiss.

"I can't wait to marry you, Bella."

"You can't wait for me to go back into that shop, Edward."

"That, too," he laughs, "But I mean it. I can't wait, Bella. To be married to you. My dream girl."

"Your dream girl's feet hurt."

"Then I won't put you down."

"I was hoping you'd say that. And what you said... I can't wait either, Edward. To be married to you. My dream boy."

"Dream _man_."

"You are," I say, wrapping myself around him and resting my head on his shoulder.

I don't care that we're in the middle of the sidewalk.

Or what happened to bring us here.

To this moment.

And these plans.

And the others to come.

Sooner than we expected.

I don't care that our dreams changed...

Got fast forwarded.

To this.

All that matters to me...

Is that he _is_.

My dream boy.

Man.

Always has been.

And he's going to be.

Mine.

My dream come true.

Ours...

In four days.

And then forever.

**... WYCYE ...**

**Probably one more before their special day.**


	42. Chapter 42

**Come Closer had me by the throat. But it let go now. So, now that it's up, we're back. And up. Edward might be, too. But that's Bella's doing. Down there...**

**Chapter Forty Two**

**Bella**

"I know it will be a bittersweet moment for you, Bella... and I could never take Charlie's place... but I would be honored to walk you down the aisle. If you'd allow me?"

"You would be willing to personally deliver me to your son?"

"I'd carry you to him if I had to to get you there. But I'm fairly certain that he would come running to do it himself if you were unable to make it on your own."

"He would. But knowing that you would... that you think... "

"Bella... you and Edward belong together. There could never be anyone else for my son. And I'd never want there to be. We _all _choose you."

I wipe the tear that rolls down my cheek.

And nod my head.

"I'd love for you to walk me down the aisle. I didn't want to go alone."

"This is your family. We were whether you wanted us to be or not."

"I do."

"We're happy that you do. You'll never be alone, honey. We'll be right there every step of the way. With both of you."

**…**

"Alice... "

"What? Every bride needs a bachelorette party."

"I don't. And I don't need strippers. That's disgusting."

"Edward is going to have them."

"He is not."

"Yes he is. Ask him. He's too much of a wuss to lie to you about it."

"He's _not_ a wuss."

But strippers?

B: **Alice wants me to have a bachelorette party. With strippers.**

E: **Alice wants to DIE.**

B: **She said you're having them.**

E: **A PAINFUL death.**

B: **Are you?**

E:** No baby.**

B: **Do you want to?**

E: **No. The only girl I ever want to see naked is you.**

B: **Are you sure?**

E: **Of course I'm sure. **

E: **You're not having them either by the way.**

B: **I don't want them.**

E: **You better not.**

B: **I DON'T.**

B: **And I love you. And I was hoping you didn't.**

E: **I'm yours Bella. And that includes my eyes.**

B: **And other stuff.**

E: **All of it.**

B: **Can I have it?**

E: **Of course.**

B: **Tonight?**

E: **FUCK YES.**

B: **Alice called you a wuss. I told her you weren't.**

E: **I'm glad you don't think so.**

B: **Definitely not. You're the BOSS.**

E: **Fuck baby...**

B:** Have a good day.**

**...**

**Edward**

There are strippers at my party.

And at Bella's.

Because my brother and sister are idiots.

And I hope they're having fun.

At our parties.

With the strippers.

And without us.

Me and Bella.

Because we're not there.

At our stupid parties.

We're somewhere else.

Having our own.

Alone.

With our baby.

A party of three.

A party of _we_.

Which is what we've always been.

Plus one.

All we want to be.

And _all_ we want to see.


	43. Chapter 43

**You might want to grab a tissue for this. The first part, anyway. Or maybe not. I don't know. I just know I had to.**

**Chapter Forty Three**

**Bella**

"Dad?

"Mom?

"Can you hear me?

"I'm about to be a wife.

"Edward's wife.

"Can you see?

"Will you?

"Me?

"And Edward?

"The wedding's going to start soon.

"In just a few minutes.

"I wish you were here.

"With me.

"With _us_...

"I wish you both were here.

"But I know you can't be.

"And that's okay...

"I know you would if you could.

"And I'm glad that at least you're there...

"Where you are...

"Together.

"No one will be alone now.

"None of us.

"Ever again.

"I hope you can see that I'm not.

"That I never am.

"That getting this moment to myself was like pulling teeth.

"But I did it.

"I got it.

"I fought for it.

"Because I wanted to be alone with you.

"For just a little while.

"I hope you can hear me.

"And Dad...

"I hope it's alright with you that Carlisle is walking me down the aisle.

"I think it is.

"I know you didn't want me to be alone.

"It's why you waited to go.

"Waited for Edward to come.

"To me.

"He's down there now.

"Waiting for me.

"To come.

"To him.

"And I'm ready now.

"To go.

"To become a wife.

"Edward's wife.

"And you're not here...

"But I hope you can see.

"What I'm about to be.

"The we I'm about to become.

"And I hope you can hear...

"When we say I do.

"And me now...

"I love you."

**…**

**Edward**

I can't believe I just have to stand here like this.

What idiot came up with this idea?

Someone that wasn't marrying Bella.

Because they couldn't have...

Wouldn't have...

Made this stupid rule.

If they were.

The one that says I have to stand here and wait.

For her to get here.

Her...

Bella...

The most beautiful girl in the world.

Beautiful in her dress.

My girl.

Who hates to wear them.

But is.

For me.

To marry me.

She wants to marry me.

Is coming to do it.

Right now.

Right this minute.

While I stand here and wait.

I don't want to wait!

We broke every other rule...

Every other stupid tradition...

I can break this one, too.

And I am.

And everyone laughs...

As I do.

And run down the aisle to her.

"What are you doing?" she giggles.

"You were taking forever."

"You're so cute."

"I want to be a cute _husband_."

"You will be."

"I want to be one NOW."

"Do you want me to come and get him, Bella?" Emmett yells, laughing from behind me.

I want to flip him off so bad...

But I don't think the minister would like that.

Or my mom.

They're back there, too.

Laughing.

But I forget that when Bella shakes her head.

And says thank you to my dad.

Who walked her about three feet.

Before I got here.

Before I got impatient and came to get her.

"You're welcome, Bella," he tells her.

"For him," she adds, "Thank you for _him_."

And he smiles.

At her.

And at me.

Who's grinning like an idiot.

At both of them.

As I take her hand.

After she moves her flowers to her other.

And lets me take her to our_ I do_s.

**…**

"Do you, Edward-"

"Yes!"

"Take-"

"Yes! I do I do I do!"

**…**

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss... yeah, I knew you weren't going to wait for that."

They're all laughing again.

But I don't care.

Bella is my wife.

Bella with her sweet, giggling mouth...

The one that said I do.

To me.

And even the obey part.

Though she giggled when she said it.

Like she is now.

With her mouth.

That I kiss...

Until she stops...

Giggling.

And gives me.

It.

Her.

To keep.

Forever.

And I wish this kiss could last that long...

But I don't want anyone to see.

Me kiss her the way I want to.

The way I will when they're not watching.

The way I will until my lips give out.

Kiss her...

Every inch of her.

My Bella.

My _wife_.

**... WYCYE ...**

**Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?**


	44. Chapter 44

**A little long... but I doubt you'll mind. And too bad if you do. **

**Chapter Forty Four**

**Edward**

I didn't smash the cake in Bella's face.

I would never do that.

But I did get a little frosting on her lips.

And it might not have completely been an accident.

Like it's not when I suck it off.

Or when she sucks it off of mine.

Because she did, too.

When she didn't smash it in mine, either.

And I really want to leave now.

To take my wife and go.

Be alone with her.

Even though we're not going anywhere special...

Don't have any big honeymoon plans.

At least not right now, we don't.

Bella still gets sick a lot and didn't want to travel anywhere.

And that's okay with me.

I don't care where we are.

Where we go or don't.

As long as we're a we.

My wife and me.

**…**

Bella's cheeks are a little pink.

From our day outside.

And her shoulders.

And her nose.

Which I plant a kiss on.

As I carry her over the threshold of our fancy suite.

Where we'll spend the next couple of days.

And nights.

I drop our bags near the bed.

And Bella gently on it.

Where she smiles up at me.

With her cheeks a little pink.

From our day outside.

And I think from me.

Bella was happy today.

The smile never left her face.

Even though she was wearing a dress.

And shoes that hurt her feet.

And still didn't leave when I made her dance with me.

In shoes that didn't.

Shoes I had bought for her.

Surprised her with.

To change into.

White Converse that I removed the laces from.

And replaced with white satin ribbons.

That made her smile even wider.

As I kneeled down and slipped them on her feet.

And make her smile even wider now...

As I pull them off.

And then kick mine off.

And climb over her on the bed.

Kiss each of her pink shoulders.

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

And her cheeks.

"Do these?"

"No."

And her lips.

"Thank you for marrying me."

"You're welcome."

"And dancing with me."

"I'm sorry I stepped on your feet."

"I'm not. I put you there, anyway. After."

"You did. And here."

"I'm going to keep you here."

"In my dress?"

"I love your dress. You look beautiful in your dress. But you'll look even more beautiful out of it. So, no. Not in your dress."

"I wore it for you."

"I know. And you won't for me, too."

"You're the boss."

"I am."

"And you look _very_. In your suit."

"I wore it for you."

"I know. Thank you."

"Because you think tuxes are silly looking."

"I do."

"I love those words. When you say them. And said them today."

"Me too. When you said them today. Which is good, because you said them _a lot_."

"I did. Was I cute?" I ask her.

"Very. The cutest," she answers.

"I love you. So much... it makes me silly."

"It makes me happy."

"I will, Bella. Make you happy. Try to. As hard as I can. I promise. Forever."

"I know you will, Edward. You always have."

She brushes her fingers over my cheeks.

That I think may also be a little pink.

Like hers.

But not from the sun.

Not the one in the sky.

The one that isn't out anymore.

My pink is from her.

The her that's under me.

Smiling brighter than the sun could ever shine.

Warming me more than it ever could.

With just a look.

A touch.

A whisper...

"I love you."

That makes my heart pound.

And something else...

Throb.

And me reach under her to unzip her dress.

That she's so beautiful in.

But even more beautiful out of.

And I can't wait.

To see her.

All of her.

My beautiful wife.

Can't wait another second.

But do.

Sort of.

As I climb underneath it.

Sort of.

And make her giggle as I give her a sweet kiss.

A sweet kiss that is greeted with a sweeter wetness through the satin against my lips.

And a sweeter giggle from hers as I pull the satin from her with my teeth.

And pull the dress from her with my hands.

The dress she wore for me.

While she tugs at the tie I wore for her.

Throws it to the floor.

And untucks my shirt.

"I did go back," she whispers, "to that store."

"You did?" I ask.

As she undoes the buttons.

And watch her fingers.

Especially one.

Where she wears my ring.

And the new one that matches mine.

"Yeah. And I got something. For you. That I think you'll like. I hope."

"I know I will," I say, tossing her dress to meet my tie.

And her panties.

"But you can show me later," I say, unclasping her strapless satin bra and throwing it over my shoulder.

"Because I have everything I want to see right now right here."

"Okay," she says, "but I don't."

And throws my belt.

And unbuttons my pants.

Unzips them.

And yanks them down.

And my boxers beneath.

And I kick free of both.

And rip off my socks.

And climb back over her.

Kiss her sweet rose petal lips.

That are full and pink with want.

For her husband.

Me.

Who she gazes lovingly at as she pulls me to her.

Pulls me into her.

Inside.

Her...

My wife.

That clutches me to her in every way possible.

As she moans my name into my mouth.

And hers melts into hers.

As I do into her.

Want to for hours...

Days...

And will...

Longer...

More...

The her that is warmer than the sun.

Softer than rose petals.

And all mine.

Officially.

Now.

And will be...

Forever.


	45. Chapter 45

**A little pillow talk with the newlyweds.**

**Chapter Forty Five**

**Bella**

Edward said he was going to keep me here.

In this bed.

The first one we ever slept in as husband and wife.

Slept in and didn't.

And he didn't lie.

He never does.

And never gets tired.

Of me.

His bride.

That he's keeping prisoner in this bed.

Where he lays next to me.

Smiling at me.

And playing with my hair.

That I think must look like kittens played in it.

Or my really happy husband.

That has the energy of one.

Or ten.

And is definitely cuter.

Than a basket full of them.

"Admiring your work?"

"Yes. It's my masterpiece."

"It's going to take me an hour to brush your masterpiece."

"No it won't. But it might take me one."

"You? I love it when you brush my hair."

"I know. And I love how you moan and whimper when I do it. And when I do other things."

"I love it when you do other things. Even more than when you brush my hair."

"You better."

"I do."

"What do you love the most, Bella?"

"You."

**…**

**Edward**

Bella fell asleep while I was brushing her hair.

After she moaned.

And whimpered.

And told me she loved me.

For the hundredth time today.

Maybe more.

Bella tells me she loves me all of the time.

She says it a lot.

And I never get tired of hearing it.

I never ever will.

Or seeing it.

Like I do every time she looks at me.

And like now.

When she's not.

But when I can still see.

And can still hear.

Because she's smiling in her sleep.

And talking.

Because she's dreaming of me.

I know she is.

And does.

A lot.

She tells me about her dreams when she wakes up.

Though she sometimes tells me before.

The me that she sees when she closes her eyes.

And I try not to think too much...

About when that was the only time she could see me.

And what was on her face when she did.

And the things she might have said.

When I wasn't there to hear her.

When I left to chase a dream.

The stupidest thing I've ever done.

Left what I dreamed of to discover nothing.

But that I did.

I try not to think about it too much...

But sometimes it's hard not to.

Like now.

When I look at her peaceful sleeping face.

And know that I left it alone.

To be anything but peaceful.

And know that I didn't do what she wanted me to.

When I did.

I didn't write her the letters she hoped for.

The ones she waited for.

While she waited for me.

I gave her the pages of _I love you_s.

And _I miss you_s.

After I came home.

But she deserved more than that.

And maybe it's not too late.

To give her more.

So I climb slowly and quietly out of the bed.

To the drawer where I know there's stationery.

The only choice I have.

And the last chance.

To write her the letter she waited for.

To tell her I was living my dream.

And I climb back into the bed next to her.

To write it.

The place where I am.

Living my dream.

That is her.

The one I didn't need to leave to find.

**…**

We're going home.

Bella and me.

Back to people.

Back to noise.

Back to our life.

A new one.

The bags are in the car.

Hers.

With that special thing she bought for me.

And wore for me.

And nearly killed me with.

And mine.

With that letter I finally wrote to her.

That I'm going to send to her.

So she knows where I was.

A postmark from somewhere.

Instead of nowhere.

A letter that she'll receive late.

Instead of never.

Part of me wishes we could stay here.

Alone.

Forever.

But the rest of me is glad...

That we aren't.

That we're going to start our life.

Start our everyday.

Bella and me.

Our dream that was the same.

The one we didn't have to chase.

Go nowhere to find.

Because it was always right there.

Outside of this room.

That I pick her up and carry her out of.

The same way I carried her in.

Because not everyone gets to hold their dream in their hands.

But I do.

**... WYCYE ...**

**We'll be doing some little bunny hops from here on. Until we get to the end. Some will be bigger than others. But know that they'll all be hard for me. Because every hop will hurt more than the first. And the last. Until we get to it. That one will kill me. Because I love them.**

** And no matter how many left, I know that a small handful of you will stay for that last. And I love you for that. For loving them enough to want to. Thank you. xo**


	46. Chapter 46

**It's just a little hop. But a long one. The longest. Blame it on the mailman. And love.**

**Chapter Forty Six**

**Bella**

"How was the beach?"

"Wonderful... And gorgeous. And blond. And tan. And God bless Texas. And abs. And-"

"Alice, are you drunk?"

"No, Bella... I'm in love!"

"I think you have sun poisoning. You should lie down."

"Bella, I'm serious... I'm in L-O-V-E LOVE!"

"Since breakfast? When you said all boys were pigs?"

"Yes! And mostly I just meant Edward when I said that."

"Edward's not a pig."

"He ate _four _cinnamon rolls. And you only think he's not a pig because you like it when he goes all oink oink and eats _you_."

"Alice!"

"Don't deny it, these walls talk. And you meow like a kitten. And-"

"Please stop!"

"And that sure as hell wasn't what I heard when I ran back into the house this morning. And I'm happy for you. That he didn't. And proud of my baby brother for his apparently mad skills. And hope to hell Jasper has them, too!"

"Who's Jasper?"

"The boy I met at the beach today! Keep up, Bella! Haven't you been listening?"

"I'm trying to..." _and I really wish she hadn't been..._

"Well, try harder. Because I'm in love!"

"You said that already. And tan and blond and abs, and I'm pretty sure that just means you're in lust. Unless he's a shoe designer, too. Then I'll believe it's love."

"Oh my God, do you think he could be? I would die!"

"I don't know, Alice. Don't you know what he does? This boy you're in _love _with?"

"My mouth was too busy being _kissed _by him to ask."

"You let him kiss you?"

"Hell yes! And I'll let him do other things, too! Maybe even tonight. On our date! That I only have three hours to get ready for! So, why am I still standing here? I can't talk to you now!"

I whisper a _Thank God _as she runs up the stairs.

But maybe not quietly enough.

"I heard that, too, Bella!"

Edward seriously needs to soundproof our room...

"Oh! And I got the mail on my way in! You have a letter, Mrs. Cullen! It's on the table by the door! It's from your piggy!"

My _piggy_?

She better not start calling him that...

But Edward sent me a letter?

I run to the table and there it is.

Right on top of the stack.

A letter addressed to me.

Mrs. Cullen.

His.

In his beautiful, perfect handwriting.

That makes mine look like chicken scratch.

And makes me smile.

And tear up.

When I see the return address...

**Edward Cullen**

**SOMEWHERE**

He never sent me a letter when he was gone.

But he sent one when he was here.

And my heart pounds as I climb the stairs.

My fingers tremble as I go into our room and close our door.

Climb into our ferris wheel carriage that he _did _bring in here.

And that I did show him how much I loved it in.

And him.

While he sat in the very spot I'm sitting in now.

But without the railing dropped.

The one he carved his hopes in.

That I lock myself in with to read his letter.

The letter that gives me a paper cut when I open.

A paper cut that hurts but thats pain I forget when I read his first words.

_Bella, my beautiful bride,_

_I know this is late... that you wanted it before... but I couldn't write to you then. I couldn't write to you from nowhere. I couldn't give you what you wanted from me..._

_ Because you wanted to read that I was happy. That I was living my dream. And you wanted me to share it with you. But I couldn't do that, Bella. Because I wasn't. I wasn't happy at all. And the only thing I was living was a nightmare. Because you weren't with me. You, that _is _my dream. Eyes open or eyes closed, it's _you_. You where I can see you. You where I can touch you. You where I see your smile and hear your voice in my ears. In front of me. Or next to me, like you are now... with a sweet smile on your face... and my name flowing from your pretty pink lips. You're dreaming of me... in this big bed I've barely let you leave for four days. The bed you let me love you in. Hold you in. Touch you in. Touch and lick and kiss you everywhere in... like you did me. And like I'm probably going to wake you up to do again. And be again. Really soon..._

_You fell asleep while I was brushing your hair. Your hair that I missed the smell of while I was gone. Missed the soft feel of under my chin when you wrapped your arms around me. Missed the way it tickled my legs when you... I'm seriously going to wake you up REALLY SOON._

_I'm sorry, Bella... this is supposed to be romantic... but I can't help it. You're laying next to me naked. Wearing only the kisses I left all over your skin. Because you let me leave them. You let me put them there. And I ached when I couldn't. Every part of me ached without you. Hurt. It hurt so much... to know that I had everything I ever dreamed of and I left it. I hurt myself. And I hurt you. Because I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted you to think I was strong. _

_But leaving you wasn't the right way to show you that. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done. The hardest thing I'll ever do. And the worst. Nothing will ever compare to that. And nothing will ever compare to you. The girl I've loved forever. The one I had no dreams without. The one who dreams of me even when I'm next to you. And with part of me inside of you. And a lot of me in another... _

_Sorry... again... but you're just so beautiful..._

_But I _am_ going to finish this first. Before I show you how much you are._

_I told you I needed to see you. And you told me I would when I closed my eyes. And I did... but seeing you when they're open is what I meant. And what I wanted. And what I needed. I needed to _see _you. Like I can now. And like I want to for the rest of my life. See my dreams come true. My _dream_. One. The only one that matters, Bella. You._

_The you that let me come back to you._

_The you that forgave me for leaving._

_And gave me... everything. Even though I hurt you. And made you wait._

_I'm sorry you had to wait for this. But I hope you'll forgive me for that, too. And for waking you up, which I'm going to do as soon as I hide this. Because I need you, Bella. Now. And forever. I need to give you what you wanted. Give it to you the right way. The best way I know how. _Show_ you that I'm happy. And that I'm living my dream. And share it with you. Here. Somewhere. Because it _is_. You are... my dream come true._

_And I _will _make you proud of me. And I'll show you I'm strong... in the right way. I'll be the best husband I can be to you, Bella. And the best dad to that gift you're giving me - the one you let me give you. I promise, baby. Both of you. I'll be the best I can be._

_I love you, my beautiful bride. Thank you for giving life to me. Yours. And mine. It's so much better than any dream. And I hope you think so, too... when I wake you up from the one you're having about me, while I'm next to you. Where I'll always be. _

_Forever._

_Edward_

"Don't cry, my sweet Bella. That's not what I wanted."

Edward is standing in the doorway.

And he's so beautiful.

"I'm crying because I love you so much. And because you love me so much."

"I do, baby. So much."

I know he does.

And I want him to see that I know.

And show him how happy that makes me.

How happy he makes me.

And made me.

Even though I'm crying.

I want to run to him.

To show him.

Like he waited for me to do.

In nowhere.

Where I never did.

Until he came back to somewhere.

To me.

Home to me.

His dream.

Like now.

So I stand up...

To run.

But forget the rail is closed in front of me.

And nearly flip over it.

Trying to get to him.

Edward.

Who runs to me.

And catches me before I fall.

For him.

Again.

"Be careful, you silly girl. If you break you, I'll kick your butt."

"I already broke me, Edward. When I made you go. And I'm sorry... But you fixed me. Because you knew it was wrong. And you came back. And showed me... gave me... everything that was right. And perfect. And worth waiting for. So much longer than I had to. I'd have waited for forever for this. For you... You're the dream come true, Edward. Not me. It's you. It's always been _you_."

He shakes his head.

And sits down in our carriage.

With me in his lap.

And his letter still clutched in my hand.

Slightly crumpled now.

And wet from my tears.

And spotted with my blood.

That he stares at.

And then at my finger.

"Paper cut," I shrug.

"Oh, Bella... " he sighs, lifting my finger to his lips. "Of course you did."

And kisses it...

My finger...

Blood and all...

Like the day he kissed my knee when I fell in the rocks trying to jump off the swing.

Because I let go...

At the wrong time.

Wanting to show him what I'd do for him.

Something I didn't want to do...

Something I was afraid to do...

But did.

And screwed it up.

Like when I made him leave.

Because I wanted him to know I loved him enough...

To let go.

When what I really should have done...

Was show him I wanted to hang on.

Like I do now.

Tight.

And should have done.

That first day he kissed my gross, bloody knee.

Bloody because I didn't listen to him when he told me not to let go.

Because I wanted him to be proud of me.

I wanted him to think I was strong.

I wanted to be his dream girl...

Even then.

The one I am now.

And should have known I always was.

I didn't need a letter to tell me.

But I'll cherish it forever.

The letter that did.

And him.

That I know always will.


	47. Chapter 47

**A bigger hop this time. And a bigger belly. And a big craving. Because pregnant women have those.**

**Chapter Forty Seven**

**Edward**

I love being married.

To Bella.

The most beautiful girl in the world.

Who loves me.

So much.

And who wants me.

Even more, maybe.

Because she's also the horniest.

My beautiful, pregnant wife _wants_ me.

Craves me.

All of the time.

Every day.

She doesn't get sick anymore.

The sick went away.

And got replaced with want.

And cravings.

And I'm it.

What she wants.

Craves.

The most.

What she can't get enough of.

Who.

It's me.

And I LOVE BEING MARRIED!

To my beautiful, pregnant, horny wife.

Who just sent me a text.

That said **Come home for lunch.**

But that meant **Come home and BE lunch.**

And I'm on my way.

To feed her.

Right now.

With a huge smile on my face.

And a huge hard on.

That could probably drive me there if I let it out.

But I'm not going to.

Let it out.

I'm going to wait for Bella to do it.

Because I love it when she does.

Lets it out.

And puts it in...

Her pretty mouth.

Which is what I know she's going to do as soon as I get home.

And what it knows.

And why it's pointing me in the direction of her.

Or trying to.

Like I don't already know where she is.

I know.

I'll always know.

Where my somewhere is.

My beautiful somewhere with her beautiful bubble belly.

My bubbles.

Of love.

That I know how to get to.

And give to.

Anything she wants.

Her...

My beautiful, pregnant, horny wife.

That when I do get to I run in the kitchen to see.

Because it's where she told me she'd be.

And where I'd know she was even if she didn't.

Because I smelled chocolate chip cookies as soon as I opened the front door.

She's pulling them out of the oven when I get there.

Hot and gooey heaven...

Just for me.

Like her pretty mouth that is and wants to be.

Now.

And that I want even more than...

"I made you chocolate chip cookies," she says with a smile. "If you can wait just a minute you can have one."

"I can wait a lot longer than a minute," I tell her with my own.

Smile.

That makes hers even bigger.

And my cock.

Bigger.

And harder.

When she pushes me against the counter.

And her bubble belly against _it_.

Before she unzips my jeans.

Pushes them down.

And lets it out.

Right here in the kitchen.

With the smell of warm chocolate chip cookies surrounding me.

And her warm mouth.

Surrounding my hard cock.

Because she dropped to her knees and took it.

Out.

And in.

As soon as I dropped my jacket on the floor to cushion them.

Her knees.

That I love.

Always.

But a lot right now.

So much...

Because she's on them for me.

Because she wants to be.

Wants me.

Craves me.

So much...

And I'm in heaven.

Me and my cock.

That's hers.

My beautiful, pregnant, HUNGRY wife.

That told me to come home for lunch.

So I could _be_.

Hers.

That she eats like she's starved.

For me.

It.

My cock that's in her warm, gooey, heavenly mouth.

While she looks up at me with love.

And I look down at her with more.

And awe.

At how beautiful she is.

And at how good she makes me feel.

How happy.

"Baby... "

And how free.

It...

And me.


	48. Chapter 48

**Many thanks to SM. Twilight is hers. Brown Eyed Girl belongs to Van Morrison. And this one to Edward. And me. He's mine, too, by the way. Edward. But I wish every girl could have one. Of him.**

**So, shall we hop along and see what he's up to today? I say we should. And to theonlykyla... there's a bubble down there for you. And a kiss up here. Mwah.**

**x**

**Chapter Forty Eight**

**Bella**

"I'm fat."

"You are not."

"I am too."

"No you're not. And don't talk about my baby like that."

"Your baby made me fat."

"I meant my baby that's you. And no he didn't. _I _made you FULL."

"_You're_ FULL. Of something. And I'm _fat_. You know I am."

"The only thing I'm full of, Bella, is love. Because you _are _full. Of a little me. Which is how you got that way. Because you were. Of me that _isn't_."

Edward smiles proudly.

At himself.

And what isn't little.

And at the framed picture of our last ultrasound.

The picture of our baby.

That is.

Little.

But getting bigger.

Much bigger than in the last.

Big enough to tell us he was a boy.

This time.

Even though we didn't ask.

And then he smiles at me...

Edward...

Because it was impossible not to see.

That the little us inside of me is a he.

And like his daddy he will be.

It seems.

And I smile.

At him.

His pride.

Silly and not.

That makes me laugh sometimes.

And melt the rest.

The most.

Like the first time we heard our baby's heartbeat.

The look of awe on his face.

The love in his eyes as he looked at me.

While we listened to the sound of the life we made.

Parts of each of us.

Parts that we could later see.

Though it was hard.

The first time we saw.

The grainy image on the screen.

He saw it first.

And pointed it out to me.

Our little we.

His little he.

Inside of me.

Me that's his.

Me that's fat.

But that he calls full.

Because it's what he made me.

And how he sees me.

My belly that he calls his bubble.

Filled by him.

Like my life.

That could have been empty.

But isn't.

And won't be.

Ever.

Because he loves me.

And he made me full.

**…**

"Van."

"No, Edward. We are not naming him an automobile. Or a shoe."

"That is NOT-"

"I know. But it is. So, no."

"Listen here, my beautiful brown eyed girl... _I'm _the boss, remember?"

"Because I _let _you be. And now I'm pulling rank."

"You only get to pull rank when you want me naked, Bella."

"Then take your clothes off. But we're still not naming him Van."

"You want me to take my clothes off?"

"Sure. Then we'd _both _be naked instead of just me."

"You're naked because I'm taking care of you."

"I'm naked because you're obsessed with your bubble."

"I'm obsessed with _all _of you. And you're naked because I'm putting oil on my bubble. It helps it stretch. Or something."

"You're definitely the boss of stretching things."

"I am."

"I know. I said you were."

"You did. And I think you want me to. Now."

"You want me to want you to."

"I do. Always. But you do, too. Want me to."

"I _am _naked."

"And slippery."

"I am. In more places than you realize."

"I like more places."

"I know. You should show me how much you do."

"Before I stretch you?"

"Yes. Because you like slippery from you, but not _of _you."

"That's true. My slippery is just for you. I don't want it."

"I know."

"But I _do _want yours. _From _me."

"I was hoping you would."

"You don't have to hope, Bella. I'll always take care of you. And it's the other reason you're naked. Because I was already planning to."

I knew he was.

I could see it in his eyes.

That kept flicking from his bubble.

To something else.

That other thing he's obsessed with.

That other place.

That he takes care of now.

With his mouth that says the cutest things.

And the sweetest.

And does...

Things...

That make me melt.

_Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da..._


	49. Chapter 49

**Thank you, SM, for Twilight. And for Edward and Bella. And thank you, Mrs. P, for Rob. Seriously... from the bottom of my heart... THANK YOU. And Happy Mother's Day. To Mrs. P. And to all of you mommies who might be reading about this sweet Bella who will be. Soon.**

**And to Rob... Happy Birthday, beautiful. 26 kisses for you.**

**Chapter Forty Nine**

**Bella**

"Where are you?"

"Nowhere."

"Edward!"

"What? It's true. Nowhere's where I am until I get back to you."

"Then get. Because I want you somewhere. With me."

"I know. And you want some_thing_. And I'm getting it. Before I get."

"Hurry."

"Patience, little mama. I'm coming."

"Do you have them?"

"Your popsicles? Yes. I have them."

"Cherry?"

"Yes, cherry. And grape and orange."

"I don't want those."

"Last week all you wanted was grape."

"I know, but this is this week. And this week I only want cherry."

"I know, baby."

"I never wanted orange."

"I know, but they come in the box."

"They shouldn't. There's less cherry because they do."

"You'll have plenty of cherry, I promise. I got you four boxes this time."

"That should be enough. If you ever get here."

"I'm coming, sweetheart. The roads are icy. I have to drive slow."

"Be careful."

"With your popsicles. Don't worry, I am. You'll get them."

"With YOU. My favorite one."

"I _used _to be your favorite one. Now you only want cherry."

"I can hear you pouting, Edward. And it's cute. But you shouldn't. Because you're wrong. You're still my favorite. Popsicle. And everything."

"You don't act like I'm your favorite anymore. You just torture me. And make me watch you suck on other popsicles. Stupid cherry ones that make your lips red."

"I don't make you watch. You like to. You torture yourself. Don't blame me. And don't call my cherry stupid."

"Of course I like to. And I didn't. I just _took _it."

"I _gave _it to you. Perv."

"I wish you'd give me something else."

"You want to make my lips red?"

"YES."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"_Yes_, okay."

"When?"

"When you get back from nowhere."

"First? Before the cherry?"

"Actually... I was thinking I'd save the best for last."

"You have a lot of good ideas, Bella, but that's not one of them."

"You're very cute."

"All the more reason I should be first."

"You're right, baby. It is. So, you _can_."

"I can't wait to. I knew you wouldn't make me."

"I know you did."

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

"And being your favorite."

"You always will be, Edward. My favorite. _Everything_."

**…**

**Edward**

Bella fell asleep on the couch.

After I made her lips red.

And the cherry popsicle made them redder.

And after dinner.

That she had last.

We had cheeseburgers.

That I watched her eat.

And which just made me want to start over.

And be first again.

When she was done.

And she knew that.

But she was tired.

And when we sat down...

To watch a movie...

And she laid her head in my lap...

And closed her eyes...

I let her _sleep_.

And I'm just sitting here watching her now.

Her.

Instead of the movie.

That she's not watching, either.

Like my parents.

Who sat down to watch it with us.

But who aren't.

Either.

Because they're watching me.

Watching her.

And they're smiling at me.

Watching her...

My favorite thing.

Bella.

My everything.


	50. Chapter 50

**Hop hop...**

**Chapter Fifty**

**Bella**

I squeeze Edward's hand with tears in my eyes.

And Esme's.

"Do you like it?" she asks me...

Hope on her face.

"Like it? It's _beautiful_. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen... or _second_, maybe... "

"Oh, honey, I'm so glad you like it. And the _first_."

She smiles at me.

At us.

As Edward kisses the top of my head.

"I love it... and _him_... thank you so much... "

The baby's room is ready.

Emmett's old room.

That's new now.

So beautifully new...

Magically...

They've been keeping me out.

Until it was ready.

Until it was done.

Until now.

That I see.

All of their hard work.

Esme's...

Whose artist's fingers created a dream.

Brought the Hundred Acre Wood to life.

For me.

For us.

For our baby.

Edward's and mine.

Her grandson.

Who's almost here.

And Edward...

His hands...

That _are _here...

One in mine.

And one on _his_.

His bubble.

And whose were...

Edward built a crib that looks like a bridge.

Suspended atop lifelike rocks on each side.

Under a painted tree.

And over a rippling blue river rug.

He built the crib with Emmett.

With his own two gifted hands.

A place for our son to dream...

And it takes my breath away.

What they did.

What _he _did.

Edward.

For him.

His son.

And for me.

Who keeps him safe inside.

For him.

Me, who once was afraid...

So stupidly and wrongly afraid...

To tell him I was a _we_.

To tell any of them.

This family...

Edward's...

And mine...

That's sweeter...

More generous...

More caring...

Loving...

More...

To me.

And us.

_We_...

Than I ever could have dreamed.

**...**

My husband is really cute.

Always...

But definitely right now.

"What do you think?"

"I think you have very skilled and gifted hands."

"You _know _I have very skilled and gifted hands, Bella. But what do you think of _this_?"

He's sitting on the floor.

Between my legs.

That are open so he can.

And so my feet can be propped on pillows on the coffee table.

The coffee table where Edward's newest creation sits.

In front of him.

Him who's in front of me where his first one kicks.

Really hard.

"Ow ow ow ow _ow_... "

"Hey, you be nice to Mommy! No more soccer! Are you okay, baby?"

"Yeah. I might have a broken rib, but I'm okay. And I love it."

Edward made a ferris wheel out of popsicle sticks.

He even painted it.

Well... _one _part of it.

The only part he said that mattered.

Our part.

While Alice painted the part of me she said did.

And would when my feet were up in stirrups...

The paint on the ferris wheel is green and red and white.

My toes, pink.

That are up now...

And will be very soon...

I think.

Though I try not to.

Think too much.

About what that means.

Because I'm scared.

Of that day.

Of the day that I'll wish he was just kicking me.

Much more scared than I was when we were stuck at the top of that ferris wheel.

**...**

"You're not funny."

"Maybe not. But I'm cute. And so are you. And _safe_."

"Edward, this is ridiculous!"

"You fell, Bella."

"I know, but-"

"But nothing."

"I wasn't hurt."

"You could have been."

"Yes, but I wasn't. And neither was the baby."

"You could have broken my bubbles, Bella."

"But I didn't. Your bubbles are fine."

"And they'll stay that way."

"I tripped. Or slipped... I didn't mean to. And it's really not my fault that I did this time. I can't see my feet."

"Proof that this is a good idea."

"No, it's a _terrible _idea. And you're crazy. Now, unpillow me! And unbubble me!"

Peals of laughter flow up the stairs.

Which I stand at the top of.

With Edward.

Who wrapped me in pillows.

And bubble wrap.

Seriously.

He really did.

Because I slipped and fell.

Trying to go down the stairs.

When he wasn't with me.

And I know I could have gotten hurt...

But I didn't.

And neither did the baby.

Because I fell on my butt.

Which I guess did hurt a little...

But still...

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

Not funny like everyone else seems to think.

And I mean EVERYONE.

Emmett and Rosalie are here.

And Alice's boyfriend Jasper.

They're all down there...

Waiting for family game night to begin.

Waiting and laughing.

Even Carlisle and Esme...

Are laughing at me.

And my ridiculous husband that thinks he's cute.

Who is...

Usually.

Almost always.

But isn't so much to me...

At the moment.

This moment that everyone is laughing at me.

Us.

And then isn't.

Because they're moving.

Running.

To us.

And he is again...

Edward...

Cute.

Because he's holding on to me for dear life.

His bubbles...

While he unwraps them...

Unpillows...

Unbubbles...

His bubble.

That just burst.

All over the top of the stairs.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty One**

**Edward**

Bella did an impression of Niagara Falls tonight.

A few hours ago...

Her eyes went wide.

And then she bit her lip.

Because it was trembling.

Like her hands.

That grabbed on to me.

When her bubble burst.

My bubbles.

That I wrapped in bubbles.

To protect.

Because I love them so much.

And had to unwrap.

So we could all be together.

So he could join us.

My baby boy that's almost here.

And Bella, who is.

And who's still trembling.

And still holding on to me.

And doing another impression of Niagara Falls.

With her beautiful brown eyes.

That are still a little wide.

And ringed with red.

From crying.

Because it hurts.

And because she's afraid.

I think.

Of it hurting more.

And of something else.

Something I refuse to think about.

Refuse to consider the possibility of.

And refused to listen to when she tried to make me.

She told me she was scared.

On the way here.

As I held her close in the backseat of Jasper's SUV.

It was the most comfortable place for her.

The least cramped.

So, my parents followed in my dad's car.

And Emmett and Rosalie in his Jeep.

Everyone excited.

And Bella afraid.

I knew she was afraid of the pain.

She'd told me that many times.

And that she'd somehow do it wrong.

I told her she couldn't.

That she'd do great.

Then she told me something else.

That if I was wrong...

And she did...

Or if she wasn't strong enough...

Or her body wasn't...

To know that she loved me.

More than anything on earth.

And that she loved our baby boy.

That we hadn't met yet.

And to make sure he always knew that she did.

In case she didn't get to meet him.

Like her mom never got to meet her.

And I knew at that moment...

That that was the thing she was most afraid of.

That was the do it wrong thing she thought she might do.

She told me she'd never choose to leave me.

I told her to shut up.

She said she was sorry but that it was important.

That she just needed me to know that.

With tears in her eyes.

The tears that still haven't stopped falling.

It's been hours.

And there have been screams in between.

And _I love you_s in between those.

But the tears have remained.

And so have my parents.

She asked them to stay.

And at first it broke my heart.

How young and innocent and frightened she looked when she asked.

But now I think she asked them for a different reason.

Not for herself.

Not because she was afraid for herself.

Because she was afraid for me.

Because if she was forced to leave me, she didn't want me to be alone when she did.

She's so much like her dad sometimes...

So selfless...

And so clever.

The way she keeps watching mine.

As he watches the monitors like a hawk.

And her.

The other reason she wanted him here.

Because he's not just my dad that loves me.

And loves her.

And loves the grandson we're about to give him.

He's a doctor, too.

And even though he's not hers...

And even though, in the end, he couldn't do anything to save her dad...

She trusts him with her life.

Her life that he knows is mine.

**... WYCYE ...**

**Baby boy Cullen in the next one, I promise.**


	52. Chapter 52

**So... based on a couple of reviews, some of you think I'm really EVIL. Shame on you. Because I'm not. And I'd never do it to him, this boy who loves his girl so much. Or her. Or baby boy Cullen. EVER. **

**Chapter Fifty Two**

**Bella**

"GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU DID THIS TO ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU AND YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO TOUCH ME AGAIN! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I HATE YOOOOOOOU!"

There's another woman having her baby a few rooms down.

She's been screaming horrible things to her husband for the last hour.

And Edward's eyes go wide every time she does.

As he looks at me.

Holds my hand a little tighter.

Even though I'm probably already breaking his with my desperate grip.

Or he strokes my hair with his free.

Or kisses my cheek.

With lips that say I love you.

The same words that I keep saying to him.

Over and over and over again.

Because I do...

Love him.

So much.

And could never say those things that woman keeps screaming to the man at her side.

Never.

No matter how much it hurts.

Because nothing could hurt that bad.

Even though this hurts worse than anything I could imagine.

I could never anything but love him.

And I want those to be my last words to Edward.

"I love you."

Whether on this February morning or in eighty years.

He'll never think that I don't.

I'll never let him.

"I love you, too, Bella. So much. You're doing so good. I'm so proud of you-" "JUST WAIT TILL I GET THIS THING OUT OF ME! I'M GOING TO KILLLLLL YOU!" "-And _so _glad you're not that mean, awful woman."

"She certainly isn't," the doctor says, "And she's doing great. And one or two more good pushes ought to do it. Come on, Bella, your son wants to meet his wonderful parents."

This is it.

The moment it all went wrong for mine.

My road into this world was smooth until this moment.

The last push is what took my mom's life.

Shattered my dad's.

And began mine.

Ours without her.

"Edward, I'm scared."

He doesn't say anything.

And I can't...

Say another word.

The three that were coming next.

Because he kisses me.

Like he did on the ferris wheel.

Because I was scared.

And it made me not.

His kiss.

Made me forget.

And I kissed him back.

Then.

Like now.

Our lips together.

And our hands.

Now.

As I push.

As hard as I can.

And squeeze.

His hand that never leaves mine.

And the other one in my other.

His dad's.

Because I may have already broken his mom's.

And as long as I can feel them both, I'll be strong.

Keep trying.

Because I know if I shouldn't, Carlisle will let go.

But he never does.

And Edward won't have to.

Because I did it.

His cries are proof.

Our little boy's.

And mine.

I get to meet my son.

And Edward's...

Whose bubble didn't burst when mine did.

"I love you so much, baby... "

His mouth could never lie.

Will always tell me what he feels.

Even when he doesn't say it.

Like with his kiss...

That told me he was afraid, too.

This time.

It's why I kissed him back instead of screamed.

_He's_ why...

Everything.

"I love you, too... _Daddy_."

**…**

Edward didn't cut the chord.

He wouldn't leave my side to do it.

Wouldn't let go.

His parents did it.

Their hands together.

Like ours.

Tears in their eyes.

Like ours.

But Edward did let go for something.

For a minute.

To hold something else.

Someone.

He let go of me to take our little boy.

And lay him in my arms.

Even though I knew he didn't want to let go.

Once he had him.

Our beautiful little boy...

With my dark hair and his green eyes.

My dark hair and his _everything _else...

"So, did you decide?" Esme asks with raised brows over proud, tear-filled eyes.

I look at Edward...

Because we still hadn't, really.

But I'll let him.

"What's his name, Daddy?"

A wicked smirk forms on his mouth.

"I'm the boss?"

"Yes... " I sigh.

And hold my breath.

"His name is Va-"

I cringe and he laughs.

And kisses my forehead.

And then his son's.

And smiles proudly.

Beams.

"Caden Winn Cullen."

The name I wanted.

That I knew he secretly loved.

The moment I said it.

Though he pretended he didn't.

He just didn't want to give in...

Yet.

To my idea that was better than his.

This one, anyway.

The one I didn't force on him.

The choice I put in his hands.

This time.

The one we both wanted.


	53. Chapter 53

**So... mixed reviews on the name. Well, I love it. It's right. For him.**

**Chapter Fifty Three**

**Bella**

"You have to put him in the water, sweetheart."

"But what if it's too hot?"

"It's not."

"How do you know? Not too hot for us is different than not too hot for him."

"I know. I promise it's not too hot for him. You trust me, don't you?"

"Yes. Of course. I'm just scared. I'm going to do it wrong."

"No, you won't. You'll do it right because you love him. Which is why you're scared. And I think that's normal."

"What if I drop him?"

"You won't."

"You really shouldn't trust me, Edward."

"Well, I haven't let you carry him down the stairs... "

"Yeah... I should never do that."

"Do you want me to put him in this time?"

"Yes. Please."

"Okay. But I'm going to make you do it tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll be better tomorrow. Because you'll show me how today."

I put Caden in Edward's arms and check the water in his baby bathtub one last time.

Edward smiles at me and I nod, holding my breath just a little.

I know I have to stop being so afraid, but it's hard.

I don't ever want to hurt him.

I wish he didn't have such a clutz for a mother.

Hurting myself is one thing...

I've certainly gotten used to it.

But if I ever did something to hurt our baby...

I'd never be able to live with myself.

Or how disappointed Edward would surely be in me.

Edward, who's gentle and strong and does everything right.

And who holds our son safely in the water in his little tub and leans over to kiss my cheek.

"Everything's going to be okay, baby. You'll be the best mom in the whole world. Our son is the luckiest baby that's ever been born."

I don't know if he's right about the best mom part...

But Caden is definitely the luckiest baby that's ever been born.

Because he has Edward for a dad.

**…**

Edward is pouting.

Because I'm sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room feeding the baby.

Part of the reason he's pouting is because he can't help with this part.

And part is because Caden has taken possession of two of Edward's favorite things.

Carlisle and Esme are laughing at him.

Because they know why he's pouting.

"I'll never get them back," he mumbles sadly.

"You will," Carlisle chuckles, "Eventually."

"He's smart," Edward says, "He's never going to give them up."

I smile at him and shake my head at his ridiculousness.

That no matter how much it is, is still cute.

Because Edward could never be anything but.

And I thought he couldn't possibly be more than he was.

Until he became a dad.

And proved how wrong I was.

Edward with our son is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

And gets cuter every day.

He has conversations with him.

Like this morning when I got of the shower and found him sitting holding him in our ferris wheel carriage telling him about the day we met.

Telling him that, no matter what I ever said, that that was the day I fell in love with him.

When we were four.

And that someday, when he was four, he would understand.

Because all of the girls were going to love him.

And do stupid stuff to try to impress him.

And that he'd have to be careful.

And make sure he only paid attention to one.

The special one.

The right one.

Like he did.

Because he fell in love with me that day, too.

When we were four.

And he saw me pushing my doll in a stroller in the park with my dad.

My doll with the forty seven band aids on her arms and legs.

That maybe was just seven.

But when you're four everything seems like a lot.

And then he told him he asked me what happened to my baby.

And I said she fell down. A lot. Because her feet were lefts.

And he told him he believed me. And that I did, too. Have lefts.

Because I also had forty seven band aids on my arms and legs.

Or seven.

And that that meant I was special.

And that he knew he loved me.

Right then.

And that he always would.

Love me forever.

And share his right.

With the girl that was...

His right.


	54. Chapter 54

**A short one. And not much of a hop. But it's important. To him. **

**Chapter Fifty Four**

**Bella**

"How did you do it, Dad?

"All by yourself?

"Know what to do?

"With me?

"And how to do it?

"How did you know when I was hungry?

"Or wet?

"Know what all of the different cries meant?

"And how to quiet them?

"Soothe them?

"Me?

"And do it all when you were so tired that you could barely see?

"How did you do it, Dad?

"When it was just you and me?"

**…**

**Edward**

The nursery door didn't squeak when I pushed it open.

Because Bella told me it did today when I got home and I fixed it right away.

As soon as I'd given them both a kiss.

My everythings.

And because I did and it didn't, Bella didn't hear me come in.

And doesn't know that I heard her.

Talking to her dad.

I wonder how often she does it?

When I'm not around?

And I wonder if she talked to me the same way?

When I wasn't?

What I heard breaks my heart.

And what I didn't...

Will break the rest of me if I think about it too much.

The possibilities...

Of the words she might have said.

The questions she might have asked me.

Maybe the very one she asked him.

_How did you do it?_

Did she ask me that?

When I couldn't hear her?

When all I heard was _Where are you?_

And the only answer I ever gave her was _Nowhere_?

Did that hurt her even more?

To know that I left her for it?

And that I stayed there?

Waiting for her to ask me something else?

I heard her ask the question.

This time.

Like I heard her telling Caden this morning that she was sorry she didn't do it as good as daddy.

She always says I do everything right.

Even in that moment she said it to our son.

She was just trying to burp him.

And hadn't managed to get it yet.

And I realize now that I can't let her keep doing it.

Can't let my son grow up thinking his daddy is perfect.

Can't let her keep telling him that I am.

That I do everything right.

Because I'm not.

And because I don't.

And because I sure as hell didn't.

And someday I'll tell him...

The thing I did so wrong.

That could have cost me everything that was right.

I'll teach him to listen.

To what he can't hear.

Because I'll always remember what I did.

After I didn't.

And before.

And now.

Because I fixed the squeak in his nursery door.

That I close softly behind me.

Softly but loud enough for her to hear.

And turn to see.

Me inside.

Somewhere.

Where we'll figure it all out...

The hows and the whats and the everythings you need.

And us.

The things that matter most.

Together.

**... WYCYE ...**

**Just wanted to share some exciting news that I got late last night... or early this morning... whichever. There are a few darlings that think my crazy brain is worthy of being shared. And I was named Author of the Week on the Twi-Fic hoors blog. I'm incredibly honored by this. And by those of you that might agree (even if only that I'm crazy) because you're still here with me. And in some of the other places you'll find my crazy words. So, thank you. It's twifich00rs (dot) blogspot (dot) com if anyone wants to see the post. (Or I linked it on my fb, if you do and that's easier.) It made me smile. Like these kids do. And theonlykyla... who does every day. xo**


	55. Chapter 55

**It's a short one. Really short. But it's something. And I've been really stressed out about the nothing. And a lot of other things. So much that I almost went back and clicked complete after the last something. But that would have been the wrong decision. Like the one Edward makes down there. The goofy boy...**

**Chapter Fifty Five**

**Bella**

Edward's face is priceless.

Because he's cute.

And a little weird.

Or maybe a lot.

Because at this moment he has a mouthful of breast milk.

Because he asked for it.

Begged his son to share.

And me.

Because his ridiculous jealousy finally sent him over the edge.

Of sanity.

And I'm trying so hard not to laugh...

Because I think he's trying even harder not to throw up.

Or swallow a single drop.

"Spit it out, Edward."

I know he wants to.

Wants to so bad...

But I can see the wheels turning in his head.

The _But you never did._

I know it's what he's thinking.

And why he hasn't.

Why he's suffering.

"You're turning green, baby."

The laughter is getting harder to hold in.

Because he still is.

Holding it in his mouth.

While he watches his son go to town on his breakfast in his.

That he wanted some of.

And that he had.

But wishes he hadn't.

And that he didn't still have it.

And I want to let him off the hook.

The one he chomped down on.

"It takes a bigger man to admit he was wrong than to stay silent."

And finally spit my laughter out of my mouth as he runs to the sink and spits out what's in his.

Nearly pee my pants laughing as he rinses it out a hundred times.

"Come and drink your orange juice, weirdo. Then you can burp your son while I make your breakfast."

"You really still think I'm a man?"

"Of course I do."

"You swear?"

"Yes, I swear. And if you want, I'll even let you show me how much of one you are. Later."

"I do want, but the doctor said I had to wait."

The cute takes back over the weird as he pouts.

"There's more than one way to show me, Edward."

_And the doctor didn't say anything about _that_... _

So, I brush my lips softly against his as I put Caden against his chest.

And his pout disappears.

And I smile.

Because Edward's face is priceless.

Again.

_Is it later yet?_

**... WYCYE ...**_  
><em>

**So, I won't promise the next hop will be tomorrow, but soon. That's better than nothing, right?**


	56. Chapter 56

**Hi! Hop...**

**Chapter Fifty Six**

**Bella**

I've never gotten to spend a Mother's Day with my mom.

Not in the traditional sense.

But every year my dad and I would go and spend a little time with her.

Take her flowers.

Tell her we loved her.

And just sit for a bit.

Like I'm doing now.

But different.

This year my dad didn't come with me.

Because he was already here.

With her.

It's amazing how much can change in one year.

Or even in one moment.

How much did.

For me.

How much I lost.

And how much I gained.

I'm not here alone.

Edward is here with me.

Has his arms around me.

Around mine that are around our son.

Who he brought to me in bed this morning wrapped in a blanket.

And a big blue bow.

My first present of the day.

And the best.

But certainly not the last.

Or the only.

Because Edward is Edward.

And I'm me.

The lucky girl he loves with his entire being.

Would give the world to if he could.

And has.

It's in my arms.

And around them.

And in my ear.

As he says "Happy Mother's Day" to me for the hundredth time today.

And for the first...

To my mom.

And "Thank you for my life".

To both of us.

**...**

**Edward**

I've been to Bella's mom's grave many times with her.

More times than I could ever count.

But never on Mother's Day.

Because I always spent this day with my own.

And Bella always spent it with her dad.

Coming here with her today was special.

I wasn't sure I would.

That she'd want me to.

Or _let _me even though she did.

But she did.

Asked me to take her.

And Caden.

For just a little while.

Because she wanted me by her side.

Needed me.

And wasn't afraid to tell me that.

Bella's growing up.

She's done it right before my eyes.

Nearly all of our lives...

But that's not the way I mean.

She's growing up on the inside.

Inside of her head.

And her heart.

And not fighting to keep them separate anymore.

Not with me.

I know she'll have to with our son...

We both will.

Someday.

To be good parents.

But she doesn't have to with me.

And I don't with her.

We learned that together.

The hard way.

When we were apart.

Apart and unhappy because we played stubborn games.

Because she wouldn't tell me what she really wanted or needed.

And I wouldn't stay and fight to see it underneath what she did.

She wanted to do what she thought was best for me.

And I wanted her to admit that I was _only _for her.

And her for me - which hurt me that she didn't know.

Or told herself she couldn't.

We both made mistakes.

And hurt each other.

And I blame myself more than I'll ever blame her.

But I had to admit that I did.

Blame her a little.

Even though it broke my heart to tell her.

I had to.

Because I loved her enough to.

I had to hurt her one more time.

And myself.

So that hopefully we'd never hurt each other again.

Or ourselves by doing and saying things we didn't want to because we thought we should do and say others.

I wanted to be with her here today.

But I wanted her to want me here even more.

And to be willing to tell me that she did.

Even though she thought I should be somewhere else.

With my mom instead of hers.

And I was so proud of her when she said it.

Finally gave me what I waited for.

Her heart and her head in the same place.

On the same side.

_Ours_.

Admitting she knows.

That no matter what we do in our lives...

Things we need to do or things we want to do...

Things that make our hearts soar or things that make them ache...

She finally told me when she asked me to bring her here...

That she knew that the most important thing...

And the best thing for us...

Is that we do them _together_.

**…**

Bella made my mom cry.

And me.

When we got back home.

Because she ran right up to her and told her she loved her.

And hugged her so tight even I felt it.

From across the room.

Where I stood holding our baby boy.

While my mom looked at hers.

Over my beautiful wife's shoulder.

My beautiful Bella that she's always loved like a daughter.

Long before I made her one.

I hear her tell her "Thank you".

Like I did to her.

And hers.

I knew she understood...

That my words were to both of them.

And I know the ones she just repeated were for me, too.

And seeing Bella with my mom...

This way on this day she can't be with hers...

And feared she might not get to be with our son...

It's a gift.

One I didn't even realize I'd given her with all of the others.

But that she took even though I didn't.

Wrapped her arms around.

With an open heart.

That needs.

And isn't afraid...

To say so.

To me or to my mom.

On this day we're now spending together.

_Happy Mother's Day._

_Thank you._


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty Seven**

**Baby hop...**

**Edward**

I wanted to feed my son.

Whined and sulked for months because I couldn't.

And now I feel like the biggest asshole on earth.

Because Bella is hooked up to some evil sucking contraption thing.

That isn't me.

But that's for me.

All because I wanted to feed my son.

"I'm sorry, baby. You don't have to do that for me."

"It's okay, Edward."

"It doesn't look okay."

"But it is."

"It looks like it hurts. Does it hurt? Don't lie to me and say it doesn't if it does."

"It doesn't hurt. Not really. It just feels weird."

"Well, it still looks like it does. And I feel like a jerk."

"Well, it doesn't. And you're not a jerk."

"But I still feel like one."

"But you're not. So don't. But if you want, I'll let you make it up to me. Even though you're not."

"Name it. I'll do anything."

"Dirty diaper duty for the rest of the day."

"That's not what I thought you were going to say."

"I'm sure it's not."

"It definitely isn't."

"But?"

"I'll do it. For you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. But are you sure there's nothing else you want me to do?"

"Well... as soon as Caden goes down for his morning nap, I was going to take a shower. You could have my towel ready. If you want."

_That means _me_! _"I do. And wanted you to. Want."

"I knew you did. And that our son wasn't the only one you wanted to feed."

"He definitely isn't."

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I really like you _somewhere_. I just wanted you to know that."

"Good. But you're really going to LOVE me _somewhere _when he goes down for his nap."

"You mean when _you _do?"

"That's exactly what I mean."

_Move over, evil sucking contraption thing..._

I'm _the boss around here._

**…**

**Bella**

Caden has his daddy's appetite.

And because he does, he still doesn't sleep through the night.

But because Edward loves being able to feed him now, sometimes _I _can.

And sometimes I do.

But not tonight.

Edward jumped out of bed when he started crying.

Turned off the monitor and told me to sleep.

Almost an hour ago.

Almost an hour that I've laid here thinking.

With my face buried in his pillow.

The way his was buried in the crook of my neck before he got up.

The exact way he fell asleep.

After he made love to me in every way that I love most until he was exhausted.

And me.

And still, long after.

Because he loves me.

And because Caden said his first Da Da tonight when he was playing with him on the living room floor after dinner.

And because Alice told him I've been trying to get him to say it for weeks.

Though it's been longer.

I had hoped it would be a Father's Day present.

But Caden surprised us both, and gave it to him early.

And then went to bed early.

So that we could.

The bed where I still am but don't want to be anymore.

Alone.

While my life is just across the hall.

A distance easy to erase.

And that I do as I open the nursery door as quietly as I can.

My heart turning liquid in my chest as I see the beautiful sight inside.

And hear the beautiful sound.

Edward is sitting in the glider in the corner of the room.

Gently rocking Caden to sleep.

Except he's not...

Because he's singing to him while he does.

Soft, beautiful, melodic words...

While Caden stares up at him in wide-eyed awe.

Wide-eyed awe that I know I mirror with my own.

And that he sees as he tears his from his baby boy's face.

To smile at me with every feature of his.

While he holds his hand out to me.

His hand that I take as he pulls me into his lap.

And let go of as he wraps his arm around me.

Cradles me like his son in his other.

Then resumes his rocking.

And his beautiful song.

And I think...

His dream.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter Fifty Eight**

**Edward**

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you miss me?"

"Miss you?"

"Yes. _Miss me._ Do you?"

"Edward, I don't know what you mean."

"It's not a hard question. Either you do or you don't. So, which is it?"

"Ummm... well... I always miss you when you're not here. Is that what you mean?"

"No."

"No?"

"NO."

"Okay... then, will you tell me what you do mean?"

"Nevermind. Just forget it."

"No, not nevermind. I don't want to forget it. Tell me."

"I don't have to. And I don't want to. I already know the answer."

"And what's the answer?"

"No."

"What if you're wrong?"

"I wish I was. But I'm not."

"Edward... you _think _you know the answer to a question I don't even understand. And you think that answer is no... but that answer makes you unhappy, so I bet you're wrong. Because I would never make you unhappy."

"You already did."

"No... _you _did. Now, please ask me again. So I understand. And then let _me _answer."

"You said you miss me when I'm not here."

"Yes I did, and that's the truth. Which is a _yes_, not a no. For the record."

"Yes. But Bella... I miss you even when I _am _here."

"When you... oh, Edward... "

"I love him, Bella... I love him so much... but-"

"But you miss me."

"Yes. I miss _you_."

"I understand now, baby. I do... but you were _wrong_. Because, Edward... I miss _you_, too."

**…**

"We don't have to go."

"Yes we do, Bella."

"It's okay if you don't want to."

"I do want to."

"But you don't want to leave him."

"I never have. Left him."

"You do when you go to work. Or out to get diapers."

"That's different. I leave him with you."

"That should scare you more than leaving him with your parents."

"No way, Bella. Never. You're the best mom in the world. And Caden knows it. And he's going to be mad that I'm taking you away from him."

"I think he'll forgive you as long as you bring me back. And you. His favorite person in the world."

"I'm not his favorite."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Edward, it's okay. And you are."

"No, I'm _not_. I might be... if you didn't have boobs - that I miss, by the way - but you do, and that makes _you _his favorite. And I think he secretly enjoys keeping them from me. I'm pretty sure he smirked at me this morning while he was having his Bella-breakfast, and I had to eat stupid cereal."

"He _smirked _at you?"

"Yes."

"He did not! You're terrible! And you _wanted _cereal."

"Only because he was already having what I really wanted. And he did too. You just didn't see it."

"Whatever you say, baby."

"I'm going to make you say that again later."

"You can try to."

"I am. Just wait."

"I already am waiting. My husband asked me out on a date, but I think he's standing me up."

"I am not."

"No?"

"NO. Never. Can I just give him one more kiss before we leave? And one more hug?"

"Of course you can."

Bella smiles at me.

And at him.

And gives him a kiss.

And a hug.

And me.

Because he's already in my arms.

That are having trouble letting go.

But will.

Because I _did _ask my wife out on a date.

Because I _do _miss her.

And because the fair is in town.

And I've waited for this day...

Looked forward to it.

Since the one last year.

When it was...

But I couldn't take her.

Because I _wasn't_.


	59. Chapter 59

**I'm soooo sorry... honest I am. And you can all hate me... but I hope you still love them. I really, really do...  
><strong>

**Chapter Fifty Nine**

**Edward**

"I love watching you eat."

Bella giggles around the corn dog in her mouth and brushes her knee against my leg.

"You love watching me do a lot of things," she says after she swallows her mouthful and before she takes a sip of the Coke I put to her lips.

"I do," I tell her, "But do you know what I love watching you do most?"

"Yes," she laughs, and pops a smothered-with-cheese fry into her mouth.

"I know what you're thinking, Bella... and it's not _that_."

"It's not?"

"No. It's not."

"Is it watching me bake you chocolate chip cookies?"

"That would _never_ come before the other thing. Or the one I mean now."

"Then you got me. I have no idea."

"You really don't know?"

"No. I really don't."

"It's watching you feed Caden."

"It is?"

"Yes. It is."

"But I thought that just made you jealous?"

"Well, it does, but that's not all it makes me."

"What else does it make you?"

"Happy. And proud."

"Because he likes it as much as you do?"

I know she's only teasing me, but I can't deny that I've had a few _That's my boy! _moments watching him go to town...

And Bella knows me well enough to know it.

But it's not what I meant at all...

"Proud of _you_ is what I meant, Bella. And myself... for being loved by you."

"That's what you think when you watch me feed him?"

"Yes."

"Will you tell me why?"

"I wish you could see you when you do it. Then you'd know why. But I know you can't...

"It's the way you hold him. The way you touch his cheek. And the way you look at him. While you share yourself with him. Give him what he needs. You look at him with so much love...

"And even fear... like you're afraid your love is going to spill out and over and drown him...

"It's the same way you look at me.

"And I know that I gave him to you...

"That you loved me enough to let me...

"And maybe love me even more because I did...

"That's why. And because it's beautiful."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"_You're_ beautiful."

**…**

"Three more."

"Edward, I don't need-"

"Yes, you do."

"What do I need a giant teddy bear for? I have you."

"Yes, you do, but I'm not stopping until you have it."

"Then buy me one. You could have three times already."

"I've never not won you the prize you picked, Bella, and I'm not going to start tonight. Or quit until I do."

"I know you _want_ to win it for me. And that you tried to. That's enough."

"No it's not."

"It really is."

"No... it's _not_. And I think you just don't think I can."

"Of course you can, baby. You just don't have to."

"I _do_ have to. You don't understand."

"I'm sorry. Then explain it to me."

"You didn't get to pick last year, Bella. And I didn't get to give you what you wanted. Because I _wasn't_ here.

"I didn't get to watch you eat a corn dog. Or fries dripping with cheese that you'd lick from your fingers after. Or a funnel cake that would cover your lips in powdered sugar that _I'd_ get to lick after.

"And I didn't get to bribe the ferris wheel attendant to pretend it was an accident that we were stuck at the top _again_ so you could pretend you were scared and I could kiss you closer to the stars.

"And-"

I forget what I was going to say next.

Because Bella grabs my face...

And pulls it down to hers...

Hard.

And kisses me...

Harder.

And softer.

Than I think she ever has.

And I know that she forgives me...

But _she_ knows that I haven't forgiven myself...

So she gives me what I need. "I want the bear, Edward. Win it for me."

So I can give her something I didn't...

When I did.


	60. Chapter 60

**No hops this time... but maybe a ride.**

**Chapter Sixty**

**Bella**

"Funnel cakes are the best invention ever."

"Is that why you always get an elephant ear instead?"

"I get _both_."

"You get _both_ because I share my funnel cake with you. Or my sugar, at least."

"I love your sugar."

"You love all of me."

"I do."

"I know."

"I want you to. Know. Always. And that I always will. And that I _always_ have. I-"

"Edward... I never didn't know. I promise I didn't. Or did...

"I'm not saying it right... but, baby... I _knew_. And I still know. I couldn't not. You make that impossible. And I love you for it. So much...

"The things that you do. The way you are. You're the most beautiful person in the world, Edward. And you're mine. I _know_ that. And I know how blessed I am to have you...

"I know it every minute of every day. And that there's nothing that I would change about you. Except _one_ thing."

"What thing, Bella?"

"The way you hold on too tight."

"To you?"

"No. To _not_."

"I'm not trying to... I just... "

"I know. Me too. But we have to let it go, baby. And_ forgive_."

"I do. I don't blame-"

"I'd rather you blamed me than yourself, Edward. But more than anything... I wish you could just let go.

"You're not nowhere anymore. You're somewhere. And they don't belong together. It's why you wouldn't tell me where you were. Right?"

He nods his head.

Slowly.

As if it weighs a thousand pounds.

And maybe it does...

Or feel like it to him.

Because guilt is heavy.

"Do you know why I was scared that first time we got stuck up on the top of that ferris wheel? It wasn't just because it was high above the ground...

"It was because I couldn't reach it. The ground. Couldn't plant my feet on it. Or walk... or run... even though both are dangerous for me. Probably more dangerous than being where we were...

"But I had you to take it away. Right beside me. To keep me from falling. And from being afraid. Like now. And there's nothing I'll ever want more than that. You beside me...

"But even _with_ you... there... and here... then... and now...

"I don't want to be stuck, Edward. I don't want _us_ to be. I want us to move.

"Can you understand that? Can you try? For me? And for you? For _us_? And let go?

"I know you love me... I could never not know it... but I think you could love me more... with more... if you left nowhere behind. And let us _move_."

He looks at me...

Into my eyes.

And inside of me.

Then reaches up and strokes my cheek.

And then down...

And takes me by the hand.

Grabs my giant bear in his other.

And begins to walk.

Lead me.

_Us_...

With confident, purposeful steps.

And doesn't stop.

And I don't stumble.

Until we reach the ferris wheel.

Where I still don't.

And where he still doesn't...

Until we're in our green carriage...

With the red and white striped seat.

Him on one side of me.

The giant bear on the other.

Gifts...

From him...

And of...

Making me feel loved...

And safe...

Like the way he holds my hand...

That he grabbed again the second we started to move.

And squeezes each time we near the top.

And harder as we fall over it.

Again and again.

Never once stopping...

Or getting stuck.

And my heart starts to pound as we near it again.

And he squeezes again...

And looks at me...

And lets go.

Of it.

Not me.

His me that he never will again.

And couldn't...

Because I'd never let him.

And don't now...

As I pull him closer...

And kiss him harder...

Than I think I ever have...

As we continue to move.

Up and over and down.

Again and again and again.

Never once getting stuck.

And never stopping...

Until we reach the ground.

Because he heard me.

Loved me enough to listen.

Loves me enough to know...

That we have somewhere to go.

**... WYCYE ...**

**Just a note... nothing has changed. With me. I just woke up early this morning and stole the kid's laptop before _she_ woke up. That probably won't happen very often, but I'll keep my fingers crossed. And see you... well... soon, I hope. **

**And thank you to all of you who took these sweethearts over the top... of one thousand. That made me smile. xo  
><strong>


	61. Chapter 61

**Another ride today. Edward wanted it. I can't tell him no. And neither could Bella. Could you?**

**Chapter Sixty One**

**Bella**

"That bear is almost as big as you are, Bella."

"I know." I smile at Edward's proud face, and then at Esme and reach for Caden in her arms. "How was he?"

"He was perfect, just like we told you the sixteen times that Edward called to check. Did you have a good time? Or have _time_ to, with all of the calling?"

"Yes, we did," I laugh, "We had a wonderful time. And I'm sorry we called so much... we just missed him."

"We know."

"Thank you for watching him for us."

"You never have to thank us for that. And I want you both to know something else... The best kind of parents are the ones that give their children what they need, but don't forget that _they_ have needs of their own."

She leans down to kiss Caden on the cheek.

And then back up to kiss mine.

And higher still to kiss Edward's.

And then takes Carlisle's waiting hand and they bid us a smiling "Goodnight".

And I know she can't hear me now...

But I whisper the words anyway.

"Thank you... "

Because someone else can.

**…**

**Edward**

We sat with Caden for a little while...

Held him...

And each other...

And then I watched Bella feed him.

While _she_ took turns watching both of us...

With so much love that she really could have drowned us...

But she didn't.

Could never hurt us with her sweet, gentle flood.

Could never give us anything but blissful, secure comfort.

And peace.

Everything I know my son feels as I take him from her loving arms where he fell asleep and lay him in his crib.

I watch him for a moment...

With Bella now beside me...

Both of us making sure he doesn't need us anymore...

Before she lets me lead her from his room.

And into ours.

And to our ferris wheel carriage.

Where I stop.

Turn and lift the rail.

And then Bella's hand to the button of my shorts.

Because _I_ need something.

I need _her_.

To flood over me.

And she understands that need...

Like I understood hers.

And lets go...

Lets my unbuttoned and unzipped shorts fall to my feet.

And the ones beneath them.

That she gently released me from.

As I released her from hers.

From everything.

But my hands...

That feel her.

And my eyes...

That watch her face as I do.

And my mouth...

That tells her what I want...

"One more time, Bella."

Before it falls to hers.

And I take her hand...

And watch her climb onto my lap as I sit down in our carriage.

The one I gave her.

Because I didn't.

And the one she took...

When she promised me her life.

With mine growing inside of her.

Where I need to be now.

And where I am...

As she takes me.

All of me.

In.

So deep...

Buried...

With my feet planted firmly on the ground.

And hers not.

While she takes me on a ride...

Us...

Up and down and over...

Again and again and again...

Never hesitating...

Never stopping...

And never letting go...

Until we reach the stars.

The place I needed her to take me...

With her mouth devouring mine.

And her sweet little nook devouring my cock.

Riding it.

Hard.

And soft.

And perfect.

Needing.

And giving.

And taking.

Everything.

Until her love floods over me.

Drowns me in her blissful, secure comfort.

And mine fills her.

My love...

My bliss...

And my peace.

Because she set me free.

**... WYCYE ...**

**A hop on the next one. The _when_ is in the air. Or the stars...  
><strong>


	62. Chapter 62

**Hi. I know it's been... well... too long. The whys don't matter, I suppose. But to clarify one that some of you saw me mention elsewhere, I'm not going to take it away. I got my heart broken a little - or a lot - and that was hard for a while... But I'm not going to let it push me to make a selfish decision. I'm not a person that gets lonely... ever... but in this case, I did. And I didn't deal with that well. This story is special to me. I wouldn't have been hurt if it wasn't. But I shouldn't have assumed it wasn't to anyone else. I don't assume that it is... I just won't assume anymore that it isn't. And we'll all get to the end together. Like they are.**

**This is just a little hop. And there may be some flying.**

**Chapter Sixty Two**

**Bella**

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Bringing you breakfast in bed. And baby."

"But it's Father's Day. If anybody should get breakfast and baby in bed, it's you."

"I have wife and baby in bed. That's much better than breakfast and baby."

"But now I have breakfast, baby, and husband in bed. And nothing could be better than that. And that's not fair because it's your day. And you should get the best today. Not me."

"I have the best every day, Bella. I have you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Happy Father's Day, Edward."

"Thank you. For making me one."

"Thank _you_. For making you one. The best one."

"I'll try to be."

"You already are. Caden is the luckiest baby in the world."

"He is. And I'm the luckiest dad. Because you're his mom."

"I love you."

I tell him again, because I do. So much.

"I love you too, Bella."

And because he does.

And gives.

And is...

So much.

**...**

"Superdad? More like SuperDORK. I can't believe you made him a cape, Bella."

"You're just jealous because you don't have one," Edward declares, 'flying' past us for the zillionth time, and making Caden laugh from deep in his little belly for the same.

Which has everyone else in the room captivated, Emmett included.

Caden has never laughed like this before.

And as much as I know Edward is secretly - or maybe not so secretly - enjoying his silly gift, being the source of his son's first real laughter is the greatest Father's Day gift he could have been given.

He's positively beaming with pride.

And doesn't want it to stop.

That beautiful sound coming from my lap.

And continues his Superdad antics around the living room in hopes that it doesn't.

And so that he can keep a smile on my face.

Because just before we came downstairs, I wasn't wearing one.

A mask of tears was all I wore.

Because I was thinking about my dad.

Missing him.

On the first Father's Day I can't spend with him.

The first of many.

For the rest of my life.

My life that I wish he was here to share with me.

With us.

See the beauty of.

Hear the laughter in.

It's what I told Edward.

As I cried.

Before he told me that he did.

As he wiped away my tears.

He told me he could see.

And hear.

All of it.

And even then...

And that _that _was breaking his heart.

What he was seeing and hearing then.

And that I should let him see and hear something else.

Something different.

Something better.

That life I wanted to share with him.

Still.

Let him see that it was happy.

The way he believed it would be.

Before he left.

The way he trusted so he could.

And not have to worry.

That it would ever be anything but.

Edward is proud today...

Because his little boy's laughter is for him.

But it's not all he's proud of.

Today and every other day.

He's proud of something else...

That another father trusted _his _little girl's to him.


	63. Chapter 63

**Some baby hops. Or steps...**

**Chapter Sixty Three**

**Edward**

It can't be normal how jealous I am of my baby.

But that doesn't make me any less.

"Am I _ever _going to get them back?"

"Yes. And I wish you'd take them back _now_."

"You do?"

"Yes. I do. Ow!"

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"His new little teeth that you think are so cute... Don't. _Feel_. Cute."

Don't feel cute? What does... No! "Caden Winn Cullen! Do not bite mommy!"

"He's not listening to you... ow ow ow!"

"Caden, I mean it. I'll take them away."

I give my son that look that my father used to give me.

The_ I mean business _look.

And he looks back at me with a look that says_ I own you_. _And_ _I own _this_, so, step off, Dad_.

But even though he does, I think he listens to me.

Because Bella doesn't utter another ow.

Not a single one.

And when he's had his fill of what's MINE, she hands him to me.

And I pat his back to burp him.

And maybe even throw in a little pat to his diapered butt...

To show him who's boss.

Of him.

And of _them_.

And Bella laughs. "I saw that."

And laughs again when he raises his head and blows his baby burp right in my face.

And then smiles, showing his three little teeth.

That really are cute.

_Yeah, you little shit... _

_You own me..._

_But I'm taking something else back. _Two_ somethings._

**…**

I come home from work to find Bella on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, her growing-before-my-eyes ankle in my dad's hands, and Caden screaming in my mom's arms.

"What happened?"

"Stairs happened," she says, wiping a tear from her cheek.

"Dad?"

"I think it's just a sprain. Get her to the couch and I'll get some ice."

I pick her up and look to my wailing son. "Is he okay?"

"I wasn't holding him when I fell," she says, wincing, "I was _chasing _him. And he's not hurt, just mad because he got picked up."

"Chasing him? But you said stairs?"

"Yeah, he discovered them today. And then crawled straight for them every time I put him down. And you know how fast he crawls now... "

"And you fell running to catch him?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"I was watching him close, Edward, I swear I was. He just-"

"Of course you were. You don't have to tell me that."

"But I want you to know."

"I already know, Bella. You're a great mom."

"And a terrible wife. With an ankle the size of a basketball. I'm sorry, I don't think our movie date is going to happen tonight."

"It's okay, I don't care about that. I care about my PERFECT wife. And my speed racer son, whose cute little neck I want to ring for making her get hurt."

"It's not his fault I have two left feet. I'm just glad he's not walking yet. Or running... I'm not ready for that."

"Uh, Bella... " my mom's voice catches both of our attention.

And when we both look up, we see Caden on his feet instead of his knees.

And all watch as he takes a step.

His first.

And then another...

His second.

And then his third...

Without falling once.

"Of course he has _your _feet and not mine... " Bella cries as we stare.

As he heads straight for...

The stairs.

"Caden!"


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter Sixty Four**

**Hop...**

**Bella**

"Oh my god, Edward, look at all of those presents. It's worse than Christmas."

"It's not every day our little boy turns one, Bella."

"I know, but I think he'll turn two before he even gets them all opened."

"Not with my help."

"Yeah, you quite enjoyed _helping _him open all of his Christmas presents. And play with them."

"You said I was cute!"

"You were."

"I'm going to be cute again today."

"Oh, I'm sure you are."

"Cute enough to even get a present for me, I bet. After he gets his."

"Maybe. But what I think you're hoping for would be hard to wrap. So you might not get to actually open anything. Of your own, I mean."

"The opening is _your _part of the present I'm hoping for, Bella. My part will come from watching you."

"Pun intended, _Cutie_?"

"Absofrickinlutley!"

_Talk about cute... _"Okay, Daddy... but it's our little boy's turn first, so take your cute butt in the other room and get his from Alice and Rose before it ends up in a dress."

"His cute little butt in a dress? _My _boy? I'll kill her! Alice!"

**…**

**Edward**

Bella said I was cute enough to get the present I'd hoped for...

But she hasn't given it to me yet.

And I'm not bothering her to now.

Not yet.

Because nothing could be cuter than my baby boy.

My baby boy who isn't a baby anymore.

As of today.

He's a year old.

And I can't believe it's been that long since the first day I held him in my arms.

The first day I watched Bella hold him in hers.

The day after the night her bubble burst.

And she gave me what was inside.

Months after I'd given it to her.

Before I'd left her.

I can't believe it's been a year.

Time is such a strange thing.

Every moment of every day I was away from her _felt_ like years...

But the one that was...

The year that I wasn't...

The year with our little bubble's gift...

Felt like a moment.

Less than.

The time flew.

The moments sped by.

The happy...

The sad...

The tired...

The afraid...

We lived them...

Together...

The way we're meant to be...

Should always have been...

We shared them all...

And grew.

While we watched him.

For one whole year that felt like a moment.

Or does now, anyway.

To me.

While I stand over my little boy's crib with Bella beside me.

Tucked into me.

Holding on...

To this moment.

The one after all of the others of this day.

_His _day.

The one that's been over for him for hours.

The one that tuckered him out.

Made him crawl into Bella's arms and close his eyes before it was over.

Before all of the paper was even picked up from the floor.

Or the cakes put away.

The ones that were a tribute to the moments of his life.

A celebration of.

The first year full of.

That flew by much too quickly.

Because the good ones always do.

So much faster than the bad.

"Happy Birthday, Caden. I love you."

Bella squeezes me as I whisper the words one last time.

And I pull her tighter against me.

In this spot.

Because we're not moving from it.

Because we're just not ready yet.

To let this day go.

His.

That he already has.

**... WYCYE...**

**Happy Birthday, Caden. I love you, too. Just as much as your Mommy and Daddy do.**

**This was for theonlykyla. Her love helped give them back to me. Thank you, honey. And to anyone else who loves them, too.**


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter Sixty Five**

**Edward**

There's a big pot of spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove when I come home from work.

Spaghetti sauce with _meatballs_.

My favorite.

And next to it, a big pot of water that hasn't started boiling yet.

It's just starting to bubble.

And I stand and watch it for a moment.

Them...

The bubbles...

And think of mine.

My wife and little boy...

Who boil my heart over whether I can see them or not.

And who are now even though I haven't seen them all day.

Except for in my head.

They're always there.

Always with me.

No matter where I am.

What I'm doing.

My throbbing thumb is proof of that.

I hit it with a hammer today because I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing.

Because I was thinking about them instead.

Wondering what _they _were doing.

Like I'm wondering now.

The house is too quiet.

Too still.

But then I know why it is.

Because I hear my son's bubbling laughter waft through the kitchen window.

That I stand in front of now.

And watch them...

My wife and little boy.

My two reasons for living.

This perfect life I was blessed with.

Because they are.

The two most perfect things I've ever seen.

But that I'm seeing now from too far away.

And then not...

Because far away from them is somewhere I never want to be.

Far away from them is like nowhere.

A place I don't belong in.

A place I leave as fast as I can.

To be close.

Closer.

As close as I can get.

To somewhere.

The best somewhere there is.

In their arms.

The warm welcoming arms of my wife...

And the little squeezing ones of my son.

Who makes me bubble with laughter as he throws them around me.

And does...

Squeeze...

As hard as he can.

"Daddy!"

"Hey, Crusher! How's my boy?"

"Stronger by the day," Bella answers, as his comes in the form of another squeeze. "I think he cracked one of my ribs today."

"Have you been giving Mommy big hugs?"

"Yeah."

"Can I give her one?"

"No! Two!"

"Everything is _two _today," Bella tells me as I wrap my arms around her, and - because my son is watching closely - squeeze her two times.

"Is that why he's wearing two shirts?"

"Yes. And why the table is set with two forks for everyone."

"I didn't even see that. I must have been _too _distracted by the smell of my favorite dinner simmering and bubbling on the stove."

"Yeah, I should probably get in there before your favorite dinner is ruined."

"You could never ruin anything, Bella."

She smiles and kisses my cheek and then Caden's. _Twice_. "You're on Crusher patrol."

"Until dinner's on the table."

"I know, then you're on meatball patrol."

"No... then I'm on _Mommy _patrol. Because one of the reasons spaghetti and meatballs is my favorite dinner... is because I get to watch you eat it. The _spaghetti _part, specifically."

"That just might be one of the reasons I made it," she says, and walks back into the house, her laughter leaving a trail of beautiful bubbles behind her.

Beautiful and something else...

Because everything _is_ two today.

At least I think that's what she meant...

Because I watched her slurp something else before I left for work this morning...

I watched her slurp _me_.

And I'm positive as I look up at the kitchen window and see her watching me...

That she wants to again.

_God, I love two..._

And my son.

My brilliant, brilliant son.

**...WYCYE...**

**Everything _is _two today... Caden said so. And now that we're back, we'll try to see you_ to_morrow.**


	66. Chapter 66

**Hop.**

**Chapter Sixty Six**

**Edward**

Caden is still stuck on two.

And that's okay with me.

Especially today.

Because today two is special.

Because two years ago today I married the girl of my dreams.

The girl I'd marry again.

Today.

And tomorrow.

Every day if I could.

The girl whose beautiful face I wake up to every morning.

Like I just did.

And will for all of the mornings of my life.

Mornings that I hope are all like this one.

Quiet.

And unhurried.

I hope I always have time...

To just lay here and look at her for awhile.

Her hair spread across the pillow.

Her lashes nearly kissing her cheeks.

A hint of a smile on her lips.

A hint that gives me one.

That she's dreaming of me.

Seeing me and hearing me even when she can't.

Because she wants to.

Needs to.

And isn't afraid to let me see it.

How much she loves me.

I wish _I _wasn't afraid...

But I am.

Today...

Because I have something for her to see, too.

When she opens her eyes.

Something that will show her how much I love her.

Something I mean to with all of my heart.

Something for our we.

Something I did without it.

The present I can't wait to give her.

The one that would be hard to wrap.

Next to impossible..

Though I'd try to if I thought it would make her love it more.

Her loving it isn't what I'm afraid of.

I know she will.

I wouldn't have bought it if I had any doubts...

_That's _what I'm afraid of.

The buying part.

That I did.

Because I did it without her.

This thing that would be next to impossible to wrap.

Because it's big.

The biggest present I've ever bought.

The biggest anything.

The biggest decision I've ever made.

For us.

The one I made alone.

All by myself, though not for.

Me, who always says we should make every decision together.

Every important one.

Me, who broke my own rule.

So we could start making our own.

**…**

"You really love the home improvement store, huh?"

I smile because Bella doesn't understand her present.

The one that I did wrap.

The one that she just opened.

The box with the thousand paint color cards inside.

Every one they had.

Except for the ones I knew she wouldn't like.

Because I know what she does.

But won't make any more decisions without her.

The one I made was big enough.

Maybe even too big...

Yeah, I'm still scared.

A little.

About what I've done.

And what Bella might do to me...

Which is something I'm usually just excited about.

Giddy...

Like a little kid in a candy store.

Which is what her box of colors makes me think of.

And her sweet _I love you, but you're weird _smile...

"No, I really love _you_."

"And you want to paint our bedroom?"

"Yeah. And some other things."

"Your mom and dad might have something to say about that. You know, since we live in _their _house."

"Yeah, well... Will you come take a walk with me?"

"You didn't open your present yet."

"Neither did you."

"I didn't?"

"Of course you didn't."

"I was hoping I didn't."

"So, will you, Bella? Come take a walk with me? Somewhere?"

"Of course I will. I'd go anywhere with you, Edward."

"Because you love me?" I ask her, because I think now is a good time to remind her that she does.

"Yes. Because I love you."

"You love me a lot, right?"

"Absofrickinlutely."

And remind her how cute I am... which is why she just said that... because she thought it was cute when I did.

"Remember that, okay?"

"That I love you a lot?"

"Yeah."

"I could never forget that, Edward."

"I hope not, Bella. I really, really hope not."

**…**

"Edward, do you remember that house we used to play on the porch at when we were kids? The one with the red door? That no one lived in?"

"You mean the one you said you wanted to live in? With me? When we grew up?"

"I don't remember saying that... "

"I remember you saying it."

"So, you do remember it?"

"Yeah, I remember it."

"I think it's on this street."

"It is."

"I wonder if anyone lives there now."

"No one does."

"How do you know?"

"I saw a For Sale sign in the yard not too long ago. And it was definitely empty."

"Oh."

Bella's quiet for the next few minutes.

And so am I.

With the exception of my thumping heart.

And then we're at the house.

On the sidewalk in front of it.

The one that _is _on this street.

The one with the door that wasn't red anymore.

But that is.

Now.

Again.

Because I know she loved that part.

"The sign says SOLD now."

The sadness in her voice is unmistakable.

And I'm not afraid anymore.

Not now.

Now that I know _she _remembers.

And now that I see the dreams she once told me about on that porch are alive in her eyes again.

Alive and dying all at once.

For just a few more minutes...

"Let's go sit on the porch."

"Edward, we can't. It's someone's house now."

"They won't mind."

"They might."

"No... come on."

I take her hand and pull her up the walk.

And she lets me.

Pull her up the steps and onto the porch.

The porch she told me her first dream on.

The one that included me.

The one I never forgot.

"This is a wonderful present," she tells me when we're sitting, as her fingers trace the wooden planks beneath us.

The ones that I'm not holding.

"I want it to be. Wanted... prayed... "

"What?"

"It's yours, Bella."

"What's mine, Edward?"

"The house with the red door that you _did _say you wanted to live in with me when we grew up."

"It's... "

Her words get stuck and her eyes go wide.

And then they fill with tears.

Because she understands now.

This present and the other.

"Mine? _Ours_?"

"All."

"Edward... "

"Happy Anniversary, Bella."

**...WYCYE...**

**I want to be her. And I've always dreamed of a house with a red door. Since I was a little girl. And Edward behind it. Since I saw Twilight. And HIM. Who I'll be seeing tonight. Again. Just like I bet a lot of you are, too.**


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter Sixty Seven**

**Edward**

"Well, that's it. That was the last box."

I'm finally going to be the man of a house.

My house.

And my wife's.

And our son's.

The one I bought for them.

Will give them everything I can in.

My family.

The one I made.

And am prouder of than anything in the world.

I'm going to be the man of my own house!

And Bella will be the woman.

And together...

Together we can make as much noise as we want!

And no one will hear!

Unless the neighbors do...

I'd like to make Bella scream so loud they'd hear.

But at the same time I wouldn't want them to.

Hear my beautiful wife screaming.

Because she's mine.

And her screams are for me.

And from.

And I'm not sharing.

Not a single one.

Or a single bit of her.

But I can't wait to have every.

And give her all of mine.

Because I'm the man of her house.

And she's the woman of mine.

And is still and will always be...

The girl of my dreams.

**…**

"Mom, don't cry."

"My baby is leaving. All of my babies. And you can't tell me not to cry, Edward. I am. And I'm going to. Maybe even forever."

"Mom... "

"I promise to take good care of your baby," Bella tells her. "As good as I can. Forever. I _promise_, Esme."

"Oh, Bella, you already do. Such good care. It's why he's taking you away. And Caden. And himself. Because he doesn't need me anymore."

"Mom... I- Dad? Help? _Please_?"

My dad laughs and puts his arms around her. And makes her let go of mine. And Bella's. Whose are around our son.

So we can leave.

Go home.

To our house.

Our own.

And give them back theirs.

Well, sort of...

They'll have to get Alice out.

Something that won't be easy.

Unless her boyfriend Jasper helps.

Instead of just helping himself.

To my sister.

Their daughter.

Who will get all of their attention now.

Because we're leaving _right_.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too," she cries, "All of you. So much."

"Let's go," I tell Bella. "He can't hold her forever!"

And she laughs.

And so does my dad.

And then even my mom does.

And Caden.

Which only makes my mom start crying again.

And us run before she drowns us.

Well... me run, with my beautiful wife in my arms and and our beautiful son in hers.

Because I'm a man and I can handle both.

"I love you," Bella tells me.

Because she knows I am.

And that I'll take care of her.

Of them.

Now.

And when we get home.

And always.

"I love you, too, Bella. And I can't wait to show you how much. In _our _house."

"I can't wait, either, Edward. Even though I already know. Because it is."

**…**

Caden wanted to run through the red door first.

Bella's red door.

And I let him.

My little man of the house.

Because I wanted to walk through it. With Bella in my arms.

Something I can't get enough of today.

But will try to.

Tonight.

Until she makes me stop.

Something I don't think she'll do.

Ever want me to.

Any more than I ever could.

Ever would.

Ever will.

EVER...

"Welcome home, Mrs. Cullen," I tell her.

"Thank you, Edward," she tells me back.

With a beaming smile on her face.

A light.

And tears streaming through it.

Over it.

Now.

Because...

I think...

Hope...

She...

"I remember now."

Really did want to live here with me.

**... WYCYE ...**

**Of course she did, Edward. You silly, adorable boy.**

**Now, for what I'm going to try to do. I'm going to try not to leave this again. Or to get hurt. Or upset. Or any of those things that made me. I can't promise that I won't, but I _will_ try. Just know that, whatever happens, and however long it takes to, I love them with all of my heart. And that that's why this has been hard for me. **

**And why I'll never give up.**


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter Sixty Eight**

**Bella**

"Good morning, woman of our house."

"Good morning, MAN of our house."

Edward beams at my return greeting.

Because he knows he earned it.

Last night.

And he's proud.

I tried to thank him for my wonderful gift last night. Even though I already had...

I tried to do it again.

After Caden went to sleep.

In his new room.

And we went to ours.

And he let me. With another beaming smile on his face.

But then he turned the tables on me.

Showed me who was boss.

In charge.

The MAN.

Of our house.

The one he's proud of.

And proud of being one in.

My one.

Only.

Dream come true.

Wish granted.

"I am, aren't I?" he asks. Wanting to hear it again.

My thanks.

And praise.

Like he did last night.

When it woke up our son.

And he proudly went to sing him back to sleep.

While my body sang me.

Or he did, I guess...

Even after he'd left it.

Because what he'd done to it before he did...

"Yes, you are."

"And you love me?" he asks now. Never tiring of hearing that.

"Yes, I do. I LOVE you," I answer. Never tiring of saying it.

And he beams even more brightly than he was before.

Because he knows how true it is.

"Good," he says now. "Now, make my breakfast, woman."

And I laugh. Because it's cute.

_He's _cute.

The man of our house.

Who, even though he is...

Will, I think, still always just be...

The adorable boy of my dreams.

Who listened when I told him mine.

Remembered.

And made them come true.

"I'll make you anything you want, Edward. Everything if it's what you do."

"You always do," he tells me. And then kisses me. Like a man and a boy all at once.

Telling me what the everything is.

To him.

And me...

On the front porch of our house.

Our _happy _home.

With the red door.

That I grab his hand and run through.

To make him his breakfast.

Or something...

**…**

**Edward**

It's been raining all day.

Dark.

Gloomy.

Since right after I left for work.

But when I get home...

Walk through our red door...

Everything changes.

Because there's no dark here.

No gloom.

There's only light.

And joy.

And something that smells like heaven coming from our kitchen.

Well... something besides my wife.

My sunshine.

Who stands in it making our dinner.

Our dinner in our kitchen that reminds me of it.

Because Bella wanted to paint it yellow.

So, I did.

Gave her what she wanted.

What would make her happy.

And me.

Because I am if she is.

And seeing my sunshine surrounded by it always will.

Make me more.

Like the things she does in it.

The thing she did last night when we came down for a midnight snack.

And she made me hers.

And then I made her mine.

Right on our table.

That's set now.

For something else.

But that I'll always remember having _my _something on.

Just like she will.

Like she does now when she sees me looking at it with a ridiculous smile on my face.

Because she is...

SOMETHING ELSE.

Something I'll never get enough of.

And that she'll let me not.

Even though thinking about it still makes her blush.

Like she is now. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Dinner's almost ready. And dessert is in the oven."

"I smelled the dessert as soon as I opened the door. Before, even."

Because I could smell Bella's chocolate chip cookies from a mile away.

"And I can't wait for both, but can't stop thinking about our snacks. Last night."

"You can't?" she asks, even though I know she believes me.

"No. I _can't_."

"Well, if you want... we could have them again tonight."

"I WANT," I tell her, because I do. I really, really DO.

"Okay," she says now. "Then you better not eat too many cookies... you know... so you have room for yours."

"I'll always have room, Bella. For mine."

"I hope so," she says, and the sunshine gets brighter.

Looks like a burn on her cheeks.

And makes me.

For her.

Even more.

**... WYCYE ...**

**I know these last two haven't hopped, but I won't rush them. Edward and Bella. Or the hops. That _will_ come. Too. HeHe...**


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter Sixty Nine**

**Hop! A long one.**

**Bella**

My husband is cute.

And so is my son.

My little boy who looks so much like him.

And wants to _be_.

They're putting on a concert.

A show.

For me.

In the living room of our house.

Edward is singing. And playing his guitar.

And so is Caden.

Playing his.

And singing...

His favorite part of the song...

The only part he knows...

**"You're my... brown eyed girl... "**

Which is Edward's, too.

Favorite part.

Because I am.

His.

Theirs...

My ADORABLE husband and little boy.

Who put on a show for me everyday.

Me...

The luckiest brown eyed girl in the world.

**...**

"No."

"No?"

"No!"

"Not Batman?"

"No!"

"Okay... Spiderman?"

"No!"

Maybe Edward was wrong... "Tigger?"

"Nooooooo!"

"Pooh?"

"Noooooooooooooooo!"

"Christopher Robin? With a cape?"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! No! No! No!"

"Caden-"

"No!"

"No trick-or-treating?"

"Yes."

"Yes you want to go, or yes you don't?"

"I want to!"

"Well, I thought you did."

"I do!"

"Okay. Then we need to pick a costume. I thought you wanted to be Batman."

"I don't!"

"You told Daddy you did."

He shakes his head at me, telling me he didn't.

And now I really don't know what to do, because I know that's what Edward told me...

"_He wants to be his favorite Superhero."_

And the way he's looking at me, I know that sure as heck isn't me.

Because he thinks I don't know who it is.

His favorite Superhero.

But I do. It's _Batman_.

He practically lives in his black cape. And God knows I've tripped over his Batmobile - or had my toes run over by it - at least a hundred times...

I can't imagine who else it could be?

"Is it a Superhero?" I ask him, hoping he'll give me that much.

And he does, but only in the form of a nod.

So I ask my son another question. "Is it your _favorite _Superhero?"

And again he nods. Only.

And proves that Edward _was _right.

Something that comes as no shock to me. Because other than going to nowhere - for the wrong reason - and punishing himself too much for it when he came back, I don't think Edward has ever been wrong about anything.

Ever.

And certainly never with our beautiful little boy.

Whose eyes are on me, and don't look happy that I can't get this right.

"Do you see it anywhere?" I ask him, gesturing around us. "The Superhero costume you want to wear?"

He shakes his head no this time, not looking at anything but me before he does.

"Okay," I tell him, "Maybe Mommy picked the wrong store to come to. I'm sorry. We can go to another one... "

"No."

"You don't want to?"

"No! Daddy!"

"You want Daddy?"

He nods again. And smiles. And grabs my hand, practically dragging me through the store until we're out of it.

And once I get him buckled into his carseat, it's where I head.

So that he can see him. And I can tell him _I _got something wrong.

Again.

**…**

"Did you get it?" Edward asks me, after he's helped Caden pound about ten nails into scrap pieces of wood.

And after Emmett took his favorite - and only - nephew to the bathroom to take care of MENs' business.

"No... I screwed up. And he got mad, and-"

"What do you mean, you screwed up?"

"I thought he wanted to be Batman."

"He doesn't?"

"No. Definitely not."

"Hmmm... I thought that's who he wanted to be, too."

"Can you try to figure it out tonight? So I know what to look for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll get it out of him."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Bella. So, was he _really _mad?"

"No, no Supertantrums. Just a lot of Nos. With a lot of ooooooooooooos in them."

"His favorite word these days. And _letter_."

"His _second _favorite word. I'm pretty sure _Daddy _is his first."

He gives me that adorable proud smile, because he knows I'm right. And loves it. And me for saying it.

"_Third_ favorite. _Mommy_."

**…**

Edward will be home from work any minute.

And now that dinner is done, I go to get our son, and get him cleaned up for it.

But when I walk into the living room, where I left him, driving his Batmobile through his rug-sized Hundred Acre Wood play mat, all I find is those. And not him.

"Caden? Where are you?"

"Right here!" he calls from the top of the stairs. Just as Edward walks through the door.

The red one. Like the cape that Caden holds the ties of around his neck.

Because he doesn't know how to tie yet.

But he sure does know how to be cute.

Like his Daddy, who looks up at his son in awe.

Because he knows now, like I do, that we both got it wrong.

Batman isn't his favorite Superhero.

His favorite is _mine_.

The one he tried to dress himself as.

He's wearing the same jeans I dressed him in today, but he's changed everything else.

Because with them he has on Edward's t-shirt.

The one with the Brown Eyed Girl lyrics on it.

And his Adidas tennis shoes. The ones his Daddy bought him, because they were just like his. And are, like the ones he's wearing now, except untied, since he can't, and didn't have help. And that, like his jeans, you can barely see beneath the shirt.

Because he's just a little boy... playing dress up in a man's clothes.

His favorite one.

Man.

And Superhero.

"I'm ready for twick-or-tweat now!" he calls. "My cotume was here! Not at the tore!"

Holding up his little arms...

With his full little hands...

His toy guitar in one and toy hammer in the other.

Because that's what his Daddy holds in his everyday.

When he isn't holding both of us.

And isn't wiping tears of joy from his beautiful eyes.

As he looks at the little ones just like them.

**… WYCYE …**

**It's okay, Edward... I'm wiping some, too. From my eyes, that are blue.**


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter Seventy**

**Hop. A short one. But important.**

**Bella**

We sold the house.

Edward and I.

Not ours... The one he bought me... The one I'd dreamed of...

The one with the red door...

But the one I lived in when I did. With the white.

The one I grew up in.

And spent my life in until Edward took me to another. The one before the one we live in now.

We sold my parents' house.

A decision we took our time making.

And making sure was right.

Together.

We'd talked about not...

A lot, actually.

About moving into it... Letting our son grow up in it...

Before we ever moved into ours...

Before Edward ever bought it.

Surprised me with it.

And the fact that he'd made such a big decision without me...

But we decided that to do that would be the wrong one.

And one my dad wouldn't have wanted us to make.

Because he would have wanted us to make the best one.

For us.

Life...

Future...

And home.

One that held no sadness because he'd left me in it.

Either of them.

Edward and my dad.

Even though Edward came back...

It still represented what he'd done before he did. To him.

And might still to me, he feared.

On top of everything else he knew it did.

So, we'd decided to sell it.

To not revisit the painful past.

Not settle into it.

With our future.

Who reads the letters of the sign in the front yard. "S O L D"

The front yard that Edward came every week to mow. Or rake the leaves from.

Every single week since my dad left it in his care.

And me.

Trusting him to not let it - us - be neglected.

Something he's never done.

With either.

Because, even when this grass was dead...

Buried under snow...

He came to clear the paths around it.

So life could still move up and down them.

Even after none did.

And I hope my dad could see him...

How devoted he was.

To it.

And me.

And still is...

Everyday...

Even though he only has one of us to take care of now.

Well... _two_.

I hope he's watching.

And smiling.

And proud.

Of how far we went. Though it wasn't _too_...

"Good job, Caden! That spells SOLD."

And how far we've come.

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" he asks me. The he that takes care of me.

Us.

Everything.

And squeezes my hand already in his where it belongs. Gently. Because it's how he does.

"Yeah. I'm ready," I tell him, because I am.

And take Caden's in my other. The same, though he's much less fragile than I am.

My son. Who's just like his daddy. And squeezes mine now, just like he did.

Telling me everything's okay.

And going to be.

"Let's go home."


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter Seventy One**

**BIG hop. And a bubble. For theonlykyla. And Edward.**

**Edward**

Bella wasn't feeling well this morning.

Like she doesn't on most.

Still, though I thought that was supposed to be over months ago.

And wish it had been.

Or, even better, that she'd never been sick at all.

Never, ever would be.

Because seeing her sick kills me.

Seeing her suffer.

Because of me.

From.

And for.

Like this morning. Because when she asked what I wanted for breakfast, I said french toast.

And then, because I did, Caden said the same. And because he hasn't had it in awhile.

Because she hasn't made it. Because the smell of vanilla is all it takes to make her sick right now.

Something I didn't know.

Or that maple syrup does, too.

Another reason she hasn't made it.

Or pancakes. So there would be nothing to pour it on.

But instead of telling me that... or our little...

She tried.

To make us happy.

And in trying, only made herself sick.

Sicker. Than she was already feeling.

And once I figured it out, I told her she shouldn't have.

That if making us happy makes her anything but, she better never try to again.

And again, because I did, Caden said the same. And because he loves her.

More than she could ever know.

Definitely more than she does.

Our son loves me...

Thinks I'm a hero...

His favorite still...

But Bella...

She's everything to him.

He just doesn't have a word for it.

A name to call it.

Or her.

She's just Mommy.

Which I think means the same thing.

EVERYTHING.

Which is why he said he didn't like syrup anymore. Even though he does. Loves it...

He loves his mommy more.

And can't like something that would hurt her.

I'm really glad he doesn't know how babies are made...

Because then he probably wouldn't like me, either.

Anymore.

For doing what I did to her.

Yeah, I'm REALLY glad he doesn't.

And that she'll feel better long before he ever finds out.

Something he wants to make her now.

Picking flowers in my mom's garden.

To give to his.

Because they're pretty, like she is. Though not as much. Not nearly.

And because they smell good. Better than maple syrup. And he hopes they'll take that smell away.

From her and for.

**…**

Bella was lying down when Caden and I left the house.

But when we come back with her _Please get better_ blooms, she's up. And sitting in our ferris wheel carriage. That, just like before, is in our bedroom.

"What are you doing, Mommy? Are you going for a ride?" Caden asks her.

"Yeah," she tells him, "Because I won't be able to go on the real one with you and Daddy today."

"We don't have to go today," I tell her, though I know Caden is looking forward to it. "We can wait until tomorrow, and hope you'll feel better."

"No... I'll be okay. We have to go today, because it's the first. And we always go on the first day."

_Not always... not _once_. But I'm not supposed to think about that anymore. I'm supposed to let go. Of it._

"I picked you flowers," Caden tells her, and reaches them towards her, and my focus back on. "They smell good and they'll make you better fast. I know they will."

"Thank you, my precious boy," she tells him, taking them from his hopeful hand and burying her nose in them. "They do. And they have already. And _you_."

He beams with pride, just like I so often do, and gives her a big, but careful hug. Because he hasn't given her a crushing one since her belly started to look like a bubble again.

A beautiful bubble, just like the beautiful one that protected him.

Before he was here to protect her.

And climb into the seat beside her to do just that.

"I'm going to go on your ride with you, Mommy. So you're not scared."

"I was hoping you would," she tells him, and takes his offered hand in hers.

"Hold on tight," he tells her, "and don't let go."

"I won't," she says, and looks up at me with tears in her eyes.

Because I think maybe she knows...

At least at this moment...

How precious _she _is.

To him.

She already knew she was to me.

**... WYCYE ...**

**Making your mommy feel better makes this one cry, Caden. You precious, PRECIOUS boy...**


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter Seventy Two**

**Hop. You'll see what kind at the end.**

**Bella**

Edward and Caden are in our carriage.

The one high in the sky.

And I can't take my eyes off of them.

My two adorable boys.

Because they're my life.

My love.

My future.

"I know. Not only," I whisper. To myself. And my other.

Because I feel her.

And know she's near.

Close.

Almost here.

My secret...

For now.

Edward doesn't know.

Yet.

And doesn't need to.

Yet.

Because we have time.

I think.

_I _have time to tell him.

That I'm sure.

So I wait...

Because if I told him now, we'd just be doing it somewhere else.

The waiting.

And I don't want to take this away from him. Or from Caden.

This day.

This moment.

That they've waited so long for.

Like the other.

That's coming early.

Because I think she knows.

What's waiting for her.

And _who _is.

And how beautiful they are.

Our adorable boys.

Who couldn't be more.

Ever.

But certainly not now.

"I love my wife!" Edward screams from the top.

"I love my mom!" Caden screams from beside him.

Making me laugh.

And forget about the screaming I'll be doing soon.

"I love you, too," I whisper. "All."

To them. Even though they can't hear me. Are too far away to.

Two of them, anyway.

But not too far away to see...

My smile, I hope.

And my wave.

While I ride out another.

And they take.

**…**

"What do you dream about, Bella?" Edward asks me from beside me in our bed. Because I still haven't told him yet. "When you close your eyes?"

"You already know, Edward," is what I do. Because I know he does, though not everything.

"No... " he says, "I know one thing. That it's me. Well... _two_... okay, _three_. But I don't know what else? I mean, I know what it used to be... but I don't know what it is now? If the dreams you had then... before I went to nowhere... are still somewhere in you? Anywhere? Or if you have new ones you haven't shared with me?"

"I share everything with you," I say. Because I do. And am about to.

"Then why don't I know?" he asks.

So I wait. And tell him "You do."

"I don't, Bella."

And will try to still. "You _do_, Edward. Because what I dream about... whether my eyes are closed or wide open... is the beautiful life you've given me. The one we share. And the other. And the one we will when your beautiful bubble bursts.

"What I dream about is what has already come true. What _you've _made.

"And the others... the ones I had before... too... well, they're nothing compared to this. This life you promised me. And gave me. After you knew you'd given me the first."

"But-"

"No, Edward. No buts. Just this." And...

"I don't want you to have any regrets, Bella. Close your eyes one day and feel buried beneath them. Or open them and be terrified because you are... "

"Regrets? Oh, baby, I don't have any of those. And I never will. Not even making you go somewhere. Because if I hadn't... who knows where we'd be now."

"You think we'd be somewhere else?" he asks. Looking hurt. "Or that you would? Or me?"

And that I regret... making him look that way. But I know I can make him look another. "No. I don't think that. I know we'd be together... but I can't know _how _we would be. Or who might not be with us. Who might not be coming to join us _now_.

"I _love _our life, Edward. Just the way it is. And just the way it's about to be.

"Maybe my dreams changed along the way... were replaced with new ones I didn't expect... sooner than I could have...

"But nothing I dreamt of before could have been better than this. Nothing."

"Bella... "

"Please believe me, Edward. And help me up. And get Caden up. And call your parents."

"Get Caden up?" he asks, helping me. "And call my parents? Why would I-"

"Because someone's coming to join us. In our dream life. Someone we've been waiting for. Dreaming of... though didn't expect quite yet."

"Someone? You mean... our little?"

"Yes. I mean our _little_."

"She's... she's coming?"

"Yes, Edward. She's coming. NOW."

"She's... NOW... Oh my God, Bella! Then what are we doing here? We have somewhere to go!"

**…**

"Hi, beautifuls," Edward says softly, kissing my cheek the same. And then the little sleeping one in my arms. "Who's that?"

I follow his eyes to just a few feet away from where I sit in the shade with our, like me, fair-skinned baby girl and smile. At our little boy. And his new little playmate. "Our new neighbors moved in across the street today. And _that_...is Caden's new friend."

"Oh."

"Yep. _Oh_."

He watches them for a few moments, like I've been doing for many, and sees, I think, the same thing I've been seeing. "He's looking at her like... "

"I know."

"And she's looking at him like... "

"Yes. She is."

"Hmmm. Well... he _is _four."

"And so is she."

"Oh boy."

"Yes," I sigh, "And girl."

"Thank God it's not mine," he says, and makes me laugh. Because God help the little boy - or big - who ever looks at his that way. Or another...

"And that he _is_."

"Of course that. So, what's her name?"

"Caelee."

"That's a cute name for a little girl."

"It is."

"Not as cute as Mackenzie... "

"No, of course not," I smile, looking down at her sleeping face.

"So, I should go introduce myself, I think. Since my son isn't going to. Introduce me. Or notice that I'm even here... "

"I noticed," I tell him. "If that helps any."

"That's because we were _four_ once."

"True."

"Mackenzie's not allowed to turn four. Just so you know."

I laugh at his ridiculously adorable _I mean business _face. And then at the pout that appears on it after. And watch him walk away.

Towards our ridiculously adorable little boy.

Who is more like mine everyday.

Every time I open my eyes.

And get to spend another in my dreams.

Ours.

**The End.**

**Of**** When You Close Your Eyes **

**And I want to say thank you... to those of you who have been with us since the beginning. Through the laughter and the tears. And everything else in between. I'd hug you if I could.**

**And also... I want you to know that this is hard. Saying goodbye. Because this story means the world to me. It has since the day I wrote the first chapter. And it still does. And always will. And I could probably write it forever... them... but that's not the right decision. This is. Saying goodbye here. And now. It's what they told me, anyway. And listening to them was what this was all about.**

**So, thank you. Again. For listening to us. And our dreams.**

**I'm going to go cry now. Maybe even forever.**


End file.
